Church Analytics

Saturday, April 28, 2007

Top 5 Billionaires in Britain.

Mittal Steel's President of the Board Lakshmi Mittal smiles during a news conference in London on August 4, 2006.

Britain is now home to almost 70 billionaires with steel magnate Lakshmi Mittal heading the latest annual Rich List.
It seems the richer one is, the easier it is for one to get even richer.

Mittal led the field with a fortune estimated at 19.25 billion pounds.
Next in line came Russian oil magnate and Chelsea Football Club owner Roman Abramovich. Despite divorcing from his wife Irina, he is still worth 10.8 billion pounds.

Then The Duke of Westminster. Thanks to his portfolio of lucrative properties in London's choicest areas.

Two new entrants in the latest top list are art collector David Khalili and businessman Jim Ratcliffe.
Khalili, an Iranian who now lives in London, has built up a huge collection of Islamic art.

Ratcliffe has been dubbed the chemical industry's "answer to Lakshmi Mittal" for building up his business empire over the past 15 years.

Classes For Men At The.....!

Classes for Men at

by Monday, Aug 30, 2007

Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays--Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll--Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.
Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?
Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor.
Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.
Class 5
Dinner Dishes--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM
Class 6
Loss Of Identity--Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM
Class 7
Learning How To Find Things--Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum.
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.
Class 8
Health Watch--Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost
Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.
Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.
Class 11
Learning to Live--Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing.
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined
Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion.
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 14
The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.
Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.
This is to all the guys who think they can stand the heat, and to all the ladies for the best chuckle of their day!

Friday, April 27, 2007

Pictures of Lagos, Nigeria.

A view of 'The Island'. Lagos, Nigeria.

Lagos at Night.

So many foreigners don't know how developed Africa is. They think we are still so far behind in civilisation. Sometimes i talk wt some people online and they ask questions like "Are there lions walking on the streets in ur country?",Do u guys eat wt ur fingers all the time?", Do u know Victoria Secrets?", "Oh, u can speak fluent English!", "What's the official Language in Nigeria?", "Do u know what a web cam is?" and so many other questions!

But it's not their fault. The International Media NEVER show anything good that happens in Africa. They would rather concentrate on issues like War in Africa, Ethnic Clashes,Poor areas in Africa, Starvation, etc they will NEVER show u beautiful areas in Africa, always NEGATIVE, cos they don't want people to know how developing we are becoming.

A friend of mine showed me where he lived in Europe,so i asked him to check pictures of Lagos on the net, what he saw and sent to me brought tears to my eyes. So i decided to show those who are in interested in Nigeria some parts of Lagos(which is where i live).

Lagos is a beautiful City, we may not be as organised as other cities,but there are loads of fun here. The Night life is fantastic!

There are several Shopping Malls, Cinemas, 1 Theatre, 2 Stadia (but only one is functional), Bars, Pubs, Clubs, Restaurants,1 Federal University in Lagos(University of Lagos), Several Private Universities, Colleges of Education and Polytechnics, Amusement Park, Businesses.National Arts Theatre ,etc.
These are very few pics of Lagos State.
An Overview of Lagos.

The Protea.Link:;_ylt=AmKD0zjqf0mGDOwMAw_Vzu8J8b8F
The Sheraton. Link:;_ylt=Ai2Tut0cJfDMxvzdajbO7FIJ8b8F
A swimming Pool Area.

Broad Street,Lagos .

Marina, Lagos.

The Intercontinental House, Lagos.

The National Arts Theatre, Iganmu, Lagos.

Inside The Palms Shopping Mall.
The Outside View of the Palms Shopping Mall.

The SilverBird Galleria(Cinema).

Back View of the Sheraton Hotel, Lagos.

The Reception Area of the Eko Hotel, Lagos.

The Sea View.

Swimming Pool Area.

Local Market in Lagos.

A view of Ajose Adeogun in Victoria Island.

The Eko Hotel.;_ylt=AvEV4BMUV0X.1k03_nsrThfiphQB

To Stevo, Greg and all those interested in knowing more about Nigeria,its people and culture, pls visit:

Online Relaionships.

There are a lot of dating sites on the Internet offering Friendship,Love, Marriage et al to Straight, Gay and Bisexual people .

So many people have bn married by this means. I know 2 of my friends who have bn married this way, and they are still with their husbands.Still very happy. Both have bn married for 2 years, one has a daughter, but the other doesn't have a child yet.

But it's not always rosy. Some people have met dangerous people via the net... while others who are 2 shy or too busy 2 have real relationships have bn able to communicate their feelings to people who share the same interest(s) as them.

Some people travel several miles to meet strange people they have only chatted wt online, based on the long/frequent communications they have had wt their online friends/lovers,and also based on feelings they may have developed during the course of their communication.
This form of communication could either be via SMSES, Phone calls, Chatting or via Webcams.

Sometimes it works out, other times it doesn't.

People!! What do u think about online dating?

Had a Good Night.

Had a good night tonite, could have bn better but I'm not moaning. At all,at all, na im bad pass. Lol.

I hope the rest of this weekend turns out like this.

Good night people.


Puss Puss.

From Set with Love.

Hi guys, I am a passionate person. I like people in general and the ones I love and call loved ones and care about, I really do care and am protective of them.

I am almost always brought to tears every time I see poverty in Africa on TV. I watched America Idols, 'Idol gives back' last night and I am still surprised, hurt and broken everytime I see poverty in Africa. I have seen this stuff first hand, I am African, but fortunate one. I am still blown away man. I am hurt by it, I am kinda helpless and it hurts.I gave back and have been working with an Orphanage for about 8 yrs now in Liberia. I have done other work with other the less fortunate cases, but it is not enough, for I don't have a lot to give.

We all can give back in our simpliest ways and make a big difference in our community and Africa, but we don't. We could start with one person, pay an unfortunate child's school fees, Help a sick people in need of Malaria (# 1 killer in all of Africa) treatment at your local clinics.There is always someone almost at death due to no money for treatment. Do this a few times a year, buy Mosquito nets, you will be surprised how much this will do. And the thing is that they are cheap ass treatments too. I am going to do something about this in my own way I will try, in God I will. You too guys can, it will make you a better person inside and out.

Ok, I am mad and have vented, So the question is:

What will you do if your best friend, your sister or brother was about to date someone you have reservations/concerns about? Would you tell them your concerns before they start dating or wait until things goes wrong before you say what your reservations/concerns are?

Thanks Guys.


Thank God It's Friday! Had a quiet day at work today. But i'm glad to be home. Was invited to go to a Lingerie show today but i declined. Want to rest today,Abeg.

'Not in a good mood right now but, I'm feeling like this cos of my own stupid fault.

Will add more stuff when i feel better. Not in a good state of mind now'.

The 2nd and 3rd paragraphs were a draft i made yesterday. Was a bit down due to some reason......but i feel a whole better today.

I am going to..... wt a special somebody today. Don't start making insinuations just becos i didn't say what I'm going to do. But it's not what u guys think. It's purely innocent but it's what gives me happiness(at least at the moment). Hope it lasts! Hahaha.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Some Mistakes Women Make With Men.

Tons of women do this one thing. And it must leave them feeling awful... I wonder if you do it too? I'm talking about women who hide their true feelings from a man and fear sharing their desire for a closer relationship and for love. Ever felt this way? I have. I don't tell a guy how i feel about him until he tells me how he feels about me.

It happens when you won't communicate directly with Ur man about your feelings because you think you'll "scare him away". Unfortunately, you're right... it could scare him away.

Women communicate their feelings with Men in all sorts of different ways; from Joy to Anger to Frustration and the way these feelings are communicated affect the relationship. I can attest to that.

There's a pattern to dating experiences that I'd like to share, I'm not saying I'm an expert. Lol.
Sometimes when a man and a woman meet and develop feelings for each other, the woman tends to hide her feelings and want to play it cool, then it gets worse when they have bn together for a long time and he's never talked about 'the future' or Marriage.

In some cases,the woman is patient and remains silent, but as time goes on and years pass them by.She realises she isn't getting younger and the relationship isn't going anywhere.
At first,if she loves the guy,she keeps quiet cos she doesn't want to ruin the relationship, especially if the guy has talked to her about all the bad experiences he's had wt women in the past. And perhaps sometimes has even made negative remarks about women and their emotions.
She keeps quiet cos doesn't want to ruin the good thing they have but she wants to deal with the negative emotions that are slowly but surely building in her mind.
If he's a guy who doesn't want anything permanent, he begins to use his past issues to tell her that he's not looking for much more than they have at the moment.
So she doesn't say anything to her Man directly to communicate what's going on wt her feelings.And of course, being an average guy, he wont say anything either.
She becomes frustrated and confused that her man isn't acting the way he used to act....
Things begin to change with the way he treats her. He doesn't pay as much attention to her anymore.
..No more surprises or gifts or flowers (like they do abroad),give an average Nigerian girl a bunch of flowers and she will throw them at Ur face! Lol. ..He's tired everyday after work and just wants to watch TV when he gets home.
..He calls less frequently,doesn't initiate sex as much anymore,etc.
This sometimes makes a woman even think that her man could be seeing someone else. And then to cap it all he becomes more distant.
What happens next?.. She decides she ain't happy with the situation of things and it's time to have a 'talk'.
BIGGEST MISTAKE YOU CAN MAKE WITH A MAN... You start a conversation about the relationship and then you "let him have it"!(you get upset and lose your cool with him ) All your desires, fears, frustrations and dreams that you've been holding inside and keeping away,all pour out in one big emotional explosion...
This "Big Mistake" can take the form of arguing and yelling/shouting, but not exclusively. Sometimes it's just extreme intensity, perhaps tears. It might include you(as a woman),
-Complaining about the current state of the relationship...
-Talking about the things he does wrong with you....
-Showing your frustrations about what you feel is missing...
-Bringing up past issues, arguments or disappointments.
But it always creates a lot of emotional tension and unnecessary "drama",especially in the guys mind.
This is THE LAST THING you want to do with a man if you want to get some POSITIVE results
That tension that's created stays with him. Sometimes, Men don't forget it.
In his mind, he now thinks of you as "hysterical" and full of issues.
His mind defines you by what he saw in your behavior, and it scares him.(Not in all cases though).
Sometimes this kind of behavior makes a man feel stressed,then he ends the relationship.
I've heard some of my male friends(married and single) talk about this exact perception of women, how they fear being with a woman who they think will act this way with them on a regular basis.
In fact, this fear is so great in most men,and they want to avoid being around this kind of thing with a woman, that when they see it even once... that's it. It's very immature,selfish and not fair on one level, but it's the reality of the situation that lots of women end up in with men.

So how do women avoid this if we still want to express our FEELINGS to Men?

Women need to understand Men Just Like Men Need To Understand Women...

Any suggestions guys?

Stupid Questions, Brilliant Answers!

Questions about South Africa were posted on a South African Tourism Website and were answered by the website owner.

Q: Does it ever get windy in South Africa? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see elephants in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking or sniffing.

Q: I want to walk from Durban to Cape Town - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only two thousand kilometres. Take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in South Africa? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in South Africa? Can you send me a list of them in JHB, Cape Town, Knysna and Jeffrey's Bay? (UK)

A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about Koala Bear racing in South Africa? (USA)

A: Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific. A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the Koala Bear racing is every Tuesday night in Hillbrow. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is north in South Africa? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get there and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into South Africa? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)

A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is. oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Hillbrow, straight after the Koala Bear races. Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in South Africa? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in South Africa? (USA)

A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in South Africa where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)

A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in South Africa? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.

Are there killer bees in South Africa? (Germany)
A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Cape Town and is milk available all year round? (Germany)

A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter-gatherers. Milk is illegal

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in South Africa who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)

A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca, which is where YOU come from. All South African snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets. Good examples of snakes as pets are mambas (both green and black), rinkhals and municipal workers.

Q: I was in South Africa in 1969, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Hillbrow. Can you help? (USA)

A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007


'Mama' on the beach in her bikini

Is she looking hot or hot?

Kosi Arugbo n'Ghana.

Who says she shouldn't have fun cos she is old?


Some people were raised on bacon grease (lard) and fried bread as kids and even into adulthood. But please never use it again. I hope you will throw yours away whenever you fry bacon from now on.

It seems as though nothing is safe to eat anymore.

This is what happens when you keep cooking with bacon grease. This could happen to you
It's true... Bacon grease makes your FEET small!!

New Earth Discovery.

An artistic illustration released by the European Southern Observatory shows the new planet known as Gliese 581 c (L) orbiting a red dwarf star, April 25, 2007.

European astronomers have spotted what they say is the most Earth-like planet yet outside our solar system, with balmy temperatures that could support water and, potentially, life.
They have not directly seen the planet, orbiting a red dwarf star called Gliese 581. But measurements of the star suggest that a planet not much larger than the Earth is pulling on it, the researchers say in a letter to the editor of the journal Astronomy and Astrophysics.
"This one is the first one that is at the same time probably rocky, with water, and in a zone close to the star where the water could exist in liquid form," said Stephane Udry of the Geneva Observatory in Switzerland, who led the study.
"We have estimated that the mean temperature of this super-Earth lies between 0 and 40 degrees Celsius (32 to 104 degrees F), and water would thus be liquid."
Most of the 200 or so planets that have been spotted outside this solar system have been gas giants like Jupiter. But this one is small.
"Its radius should be only 1.5 times the Earth's radius, and models predict that the planet should be either rocky, like our Earth, or covered with oceans," Udry said in a telephone interview.
It appears to have a mass five times that of Earth's.
The research team includes scientists credited with the first widely accepted discovery of a planet outside our solar system, in 1995.
Many teams are looking for planets circling other stars. They are especially looking for those similar to our own, planets that could support life.
That means finding water.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Who Do U love?


My Friend's Favorite Words.

Fuck me if I am wrong, but you want to screw me, don't you?

Hey, baby, wanna lock crotches and swap gravy?

Hi, wanna fuck? (No!) Mind lying down while I do?

Let's go get liquored up and rape each other..

Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, I like Spaghetti, Let's go fuck!

I'm conducting a survey on the taste of vaginas. Wanna be my first participant?

You WILL go home with me tonight....

Life is short. Let's fuck and see if there is anything after that.

Hi. I think your friend is really hot. Do you have a ride home or is it just going to be the three of us?

My mate asked a girl for the last Dance, No! she said where he replied "a Fuck is out of the question then?"

Mr G. Favorite words.

Nigeria's Next Top Model Competition.

The 15 contestants.
Now there's a version of Next top Model competition by Nigerians. Lol. Why not? The competition will be held in London not in Nigeria. Doesn't matter where it takes place as long as it's by Nigerians for Nigerians.


Olu Jacobs and Monique

Chioma Chukwuka

The African Movie Academy Awards (AMAA) was held on the 17th March 2007,in Bayelsa State. Hollywood stars Cuba Gooding Jr and Mo'nique, from Miss Parkers were present at the Awards.

These are the winners of the recently staged third edition of the AMAA.

Best Nigerian Film: Sitanda

Best Cinematography: Amazing Grace

Best Indigenous Film: Irapada (A Yoruba movie)

Best Documentary Feature: Conversations on a Sunday afternoon (South Africa)

Best Achievement in Costume: Apesin (A Yoruba film)

Best Visual Effect: Snake Girl

Best Performance by a Child: Samuel Olaseinde (Abeni)

Best Editing: Mokili (Burkina Faso)

Best Original Sound track: Iwalewa (Yoruba movie)

Best Sound: Abeni (Yoruba movie)

Original Screen play: Sitanda

Achievement in Make-up: Azima

Best Upcoming Artiste: Ali Nuhu in 'Sitanda'

Best Actor in Support Role: Bruno Iwuoha

Best Actress in Support Role: Jackie Agyemani in 'The President's Daughter'.

Best Actress in a Lead Role: Chioma Chukwuka in 'Sins of the Flesh'.

Best Actor in a Lead Role: Olu Jacobs in 'Dancing Heart'.

Best Director:Izu Chukwu in 'Sitanda'.

Omotola Jolade Ekeinde

Hey Dijana, i know none of ur favorite movies are here,i dont even know any of the movies that won but these are the results.

Monday, April 23, 2007

Umaru Musa Yar'Adua.The New Elected Nigerian President.

The winner of the Presidential Election has emerged.

The New President of the country is Umaru Musa Yar'Adua who had 24million votes. His Vice is Jonathan Goodluck.
Umaru Musa Yar'Adua

Jonathan Goodluck

They will be sworn in on the 29th of May,2007.

I hope things change in this country cos the soon-to-be President has helped clear the country's debts, brought investments into the country and has bn able to put 46billion dollars in our reserve.

Good luck to them!

The Best Divorce Letter.

Dear Connie,
I know the counsellor said we shouldn't contact each other during our "cooling off" period but i couldn't wait anymore.
The day u left, i swore i will never talk to u again but that was just the wounded little boy in me talking.
Still,i never wanted to be the one to make the first contact. In my fantasies,it was always u who would come crawling back to me. I guess my pride needed that. But now,i see that my pride has cost me a lot of things. I am tired of pretending i don't miss you. I don't care about looking bad anymore. I don't care who makes the first move as long as one of us does. Maybe it's time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our hurt.

This is what my heart says: "There is no one like u Connie". I look for u in the eyes and breasts of every woman i see, but they are not u. Not even close.

Two weeks ago,i met this girl at Flamingos and brought her home with me. I don't say this to hurt u but just to illustrate the depth of my desperation. She was young,maybe 19, with one of those perfect bodies that only youth and maybe a childhood spent ice skating can give u. I mean,just a perfect body. Tits like u wouldn't believe and an ass that just wouldn't quit. Every man's dream, right?
As i sat on the couch being blown by this stunner,i thought, look at the stuff we've made important in our lives. It's all superficial! What does a perfect body mean? Does it make her better in bed? Well, in this case,yes, but u see what i am getting at? Does it make her a better person? Does she have a better heart than my moderately attractive Connie? I doubt it. And I'd never really thought of that before. I don't know, maybe I'm just growing up a little.

Later, after I'd tossed her about half a pint of throat yogurt, i found myself thinking. "Why do i feel so drained and empty?" It wasn't just her flawless technique or her slutty, shameless hunger, but something else. Some nagging feeling of loss. Why did it feel so incomplete? And then it hit me,it didn't feel the same cos u weren't there to watch. Do u know what i mean? Nothing feels the same without u. Jesus, Connie, i am going crazy without u, and everything i do, just reminds me of u.

Do u remember Carol,that single mom we met in Holiday Inn lounge last year? Well she dropped by last week with a pan of lasagna. She said she figured i wasn't eating right without a woman around. I didn't know what she meant till later, but that's not the real story. Anyway, we had a few glasses of wine and the next thing u know,we were banging away in our old bedroom. And this tart's a total monster in the sack.She's giving me everything,u know, like a real woman does when she's not hung up about her weight or her career and whether her kids can hear us. All of a sudden, she spots that tilting mirror on Ur grandmother's old vanity. So she puts it on the floor and we straddle it,right, so we can watch ourselves. And it's totally hot but it makes me sad, too because i cant help thinking. "Why didn't Connie ever put the mirror on the floor? We've had this old vanity for what,14 years and we never used it as a sex toy."

Saturday,ur sister drops by with copy of my restraining order. I mean, Vicki's just a kid and all, but she's got a pretty good head on her shoulders and she's bn a real friend to me during this painful time. She's given me lots of good advice about u and women in general. She's pulling 4 us to get back together. Connie, she really is.
So we are doing Jell-O shots in a hot bubble bath and talking about happier times. Here's this teenage girl with the same DNA as u and all i can think is think of how much she looked like u when u were 18. And that just about makes me cry. And then it turns out Vicky's really into the whole anal thing, that gets me to thinking about how many times i pressured u about trying it and how that probably fueled some of the bitterness between us. But do u see how even then, when i am thrusting into ur baby sister's cinnamon ring,all i can do is think of u? It's true, Connie. In ur heart u must know it.

Don't u think we could start over? Just wipe out all the grievances away and start afresh? I think we can. If u feel the same please,please,please, let me know.

Otherwise,can u let me know where the fucking remote is?

Love, Dan.

This is a true story.

Sunday, April 22, 2007

Wonders Shall Never End!

The police have now released all the 33 bodies the bastard Korean guy wasted, including his body.

But what i saw on TV baffled me, made me very angry and wonder about the Americans.

They lined up all the bodies wt flowers and cards from family, friends and school mates. And then what did i see on the side of the heartless, thoughtless Cho whatever his name is?....Flowers and a card which read "We are sorry we didn't give u the help u needed"(Not the exact words).

Can u believe these people?

The guy wasted the lives of 32 people who did nothing wrong except go to the university to get a higher education and work(the lecturers and other non teaching staff).This guy has made some parents childless, some kids fatherless/motherless, a husband;a widower, a wife;a widow, etc.

If he's pissed at the rich, he shd have worked hard to be rich himself. Is it any body's fault that his parents are not rich and couldn't afford to give him 'Gold chains','a Mercedes' and the other unimportant stuff he was moaning about? Is it a crime to work hard and be wealthy? If it was easy to be rich,why didn't he make his own money so he coul be in the same class as the rich? The fucking bastard!!

Why are they(the authorities) blaming themselves? Why is it that when someone commits a senseless murder(s),they say the person is mentally ill? Are they saying that there are no evil people in the world? Must everyone be sick/insane b4 they think of killing or conceive evil thoughts?

What they should have done to his body is what they did to the soldiers in the movie '300'.They should have decapitated his body, hung his head on a pole, his body on other poles and left them there to rot and then dry up.

I am not vindictive but when i saw his video and his senseless ramblings,i was mad.

Na wa for oyibo people o!

Saturday, April 21, 2007

Words Women Use.

This is to give women a good laugh and to warn men about future arguments they can avoid if they remember these terminologies.
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make 2 a man. "That's okay" means that she wants to think long and hard b4 deciding how and when u will pay for your mistake.
If a woman is getting dressed (this is half an hour), 5minutes is only 5 minutes if the man has just bn given 5 more minutes to watch the game. Once she's ready Ur 5 minutes is up.
This is the calm b4 the storm. This means 'something', and u shd be on Ur toes. Arguments that begin with 'Nothing' usually end in 'Fine'.
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and need men to shut up.
This is a dare not a permission. Don't do it!
This is actually not a word,but it's a non-verbal statement often understood by men. A 'loud sigh' means she thinks u are an idiot and wonders why she's wasting her time and arguing wt u over nothing.
A woman is thanking u. Do not question it. Just say Ur welcome!
That's a woman's way of saying F**K YOU!!
If there are other terms women use and i omitted, please feel free to send them and i will update this. Cheers!

An Article on Racism in Football

Eto'o, from Cameroon, has been the target of much racist abuse. To his credit, like Henry, he has not remained silent, even though, in this climate of denial, black players are risking their own prospects by speaking out. After he scored in a match against Real Zaragoza, the crowd started to monkey chant; Eto'o responded by imitating a monkey. 'People paid for their tickets to see a monkey and so I did it. Each time this happens then I will do it.' A relatively recent arrival in Spain, Eto'o added: 'I thought the racist chanting was just a fad, but it seems to be becoming more widespread and more vitriolic.'

A recent occassion was in the Euro 2004 qualifier in October 2002 between England and Slovakia in Bratislava when the crowd - in a country with barely any black people - erupted seemingly to a person in racist abuse, including even the stretcher-bearers. In that case, however, the football authorities were contrite, formally apologising both to the English Football Association and to the players. Spain is a different proposition. It is one of the great footballing nations, home to Real Madrid and Barcelona, and it has refused to condemn what happened; the near-silence has, in effect, condoned the racist behaviour both of Aragonés and the fans.

Football is the fault line of racism in Europe. No other activity, be it cultural or political, commands the emotion, passion and allegiance, certainly of men, in the same way. Football is the cultural lingua franca of European men.Football is an exemplar of society: it mirrors and gives expression to society's passions and prejudices in a way that politics, for example, is, for the most part, quite unable to do. Indeed, it is about the only activity in which men collectively and publicly express their own emotions.

There is another, very particular reason why football plays this role. As a game, it is a great leveller. Anyone can play it. You need neither money nor resources; you simply need time and space to practise. If football was, until recently, the preserve of the white working class, now the archetypal player is black - and Brazilian, African or from the African diaspora.

Football has given the world's poor a chance to succeed and find a place in the sun. The great leveller has, in this context, even managed to overcome the formidable barrier of European racism: despite all the prejudice, black players are now present in every major European league, in very large numbers in the case of England and France

Marcel Desailly.

Racist chanting may have been largely banished from the terraces, but racist attitudes still pervade the game. One only has to recall Ron Atkinson's remark in 2004 about Marcel Desailly, that he was 'a fucking lazy thick nigger'. And it was no slip of the tongue. At a fund-raising dinner in January 2005, he said: 'I can't understand why there is such a population problem in China as they have the best contraception going - Chinese women are the ugliest in the world.'

Dwight Yorke

The incidents of racist abuse are still legion. The Egypt striker Mido was abused by Southampton fans in March when playing for Spurs; there was the mass racist abuse by England fans in the match against Turkey at Sunderland's Stadium of Light in April 2003; there was the racial abuse of Birmingham's Dwight Yorke at Blackburn in November 2004; and even claims of players being racially abused by their opponents. These are just a few examples. But they are much less than they were in the dark days of the Eighties, above all because the football authorities no longer choose to ignore racism on the terraces. Such action does not in itself change attitudes - it merely makes overt racist behaviour unacceptable - but it can help foster a different climate.

The stridency of the condemnation carried more than a hint of the sanctimonious: the implication that somehow the English game was no longer tainted with racism. An interesting trait of racism is that the perpetrators - conscious or unconscious - are always in denial. It was so in the 1970s and 1980s, when monkey chanting and banana throwing were at their height in the English game and it was rarely ever reported on. And it was true again now as people in the game queued up to condemn the events in the Bernabéu while remaining silent about the racist practices that abound in the Football Association, the clubs and the media at home.

Paul Elliott, a former Chelsea captain who, like Barnes, was once the object of endless racial taunts, says: 'It is much better than the Seventies and Eighties, when the atmosphere was intimidatory. Back then the mindset was that you just had to put up with it; it was part of the game. It was conveniently swept under the carpet. It was taboo. It was never reported.'
'It's good that people are talking about racism now,' says Barnes, 'but it's how they're talking. The biggest thing for me is the hypocrisy of the people who were around 10 or 15 years ago when this was going on (in England). Why weren't they saying anything then? Is it just politically correct to be doing it now?' As Barnes implies, the racism at football matches was virtually never written about in the newspapers, either on the front or back pages. For its part, the BBC used to turn down the sound feed so the listeners could not hear the monkey chanting, and the commentators and pundits almost never mentioned it.

The roots of racism, however, lie deep in the white English psyche. It has not disappeared simply because it is much less visible or audible than it once was. That racism is no longer tolerated does not mean that it has somehow been eradicated. As Paul Elliott puts it: 'While there has been good progress, we can't be complacent - if we do, the ugly days of the Eighties could return.'
Or, indeed, the FA's DVD in 2005- The Pride of the Nation - that featured what were described as the 20 best England players of the past 40 years. They were all white. In response to a wave of protests, the DVD was rapidly withdrawn.

Such oversights are not accidental. They are related to the fact that institutions such as the FA remain oppressively white. Every single member of their 14-member ruling board is white and, likewise, the 92-member FA Council. Black players may have gained widespread acceptance on the pitch - a quarter of the players in the Premiership are black or mixed race - but otherwise football remains a shockingly white world.

Football is a multiracial game only on the pitch. The facts speak for themselves.

There are no black managers in the Premiership. There are only three black managers in the whole Football League: Leroy Rosenior at Torquay, Keith Alexander at Lincoln and Carlton Palmer at Mansfield. Every member of the board of the Premiership clubs, bar one, is white - and it is the boards that appoint the managers. Only 2 per cent of the management staff and 4 per cent of the administrative staff are non-white. Less than 1 per cent of season-ticket holders at Premiership clubs are black or Asian. There is one predictable exception to this virtual white-out. A fifth of 'other staff ' - catering, turnstiles, cleaning - are non-white.

Former black players have found it enormously difficult to get jobs as coaches, let alone managers. The two Premiership exceptions, Ruud Gullit and Jean Tigana, were both huge international stars, Dutch and French respectively. The story of Ricky Hill, a former Luton player, who gained three caps for England, is the tale of many. He went to the United States, where he managed a side, receiving the American Professional League's coach of the year award in 1992, before returning to England to take charge of youth teams at Sheffield Wednesday and then Spurs.

In 2000, he was appointed manager of Luton Town, two weeks before the season began. 'I went in wide-eyed - to bring better times to the club,' he says. 'But it was very difficult. The playing staff needed drastic surgery.' After four months in the post he was dismissed. He had hardly got his feet under the table. You can feel Hill's pain, his sense of disappointment. He has never had another opportunity in this country, either in management or coaching. Paul Davis, the former Arsenal midfielder, tells a very similar story, of being overlooked even though he was eminently qualified. It is virtually impossible to prove discrimination on grounds of colour. As John Barnes says: 'Unless the chief executive says, "Get rid of that nigger" and you've got it on tape, how can you prove it?'

In truth, when virtually everyone involved in the decision-making is white and the applicant is black, then, in some shape or form, colour is invariably lurking somewhere in the mental undergrowth. Les Ferdinand and Paul Ince have both stated their desire to enter management. They won't find it easy.

The implicit racial stereotyping is obvious. Blacks are accepted as footballers, but not as managers. Just as in the rest of society, they are not welcomed and accepted in jobs that carry authority and responsibility. It is rare, indeed, for a white person to have a black boss to whom they are accountable.

Take another example, the television studio. The football commentators and pundits, almost to a man, are white. We watch black players on the pitch then listen to white experts giving the benefit of their views. It is a form of separation: black on the pitch, white in the studio. It is a white man's club.Occasionally there is a black face, a Chris Kamara, Garth Crooks or perhaps Ian Wright. The only notable exception is John Barnes on Channel Five.

From Spain to England, racism remains deeply entrenched in football. Slowly, in some countries at least, it is being made that bit more unacceptable. In Germany, for example, the situation is significantly better than it was in the Nineties, though in the lower divisions racial chanting remains a feature of many games. The gains have been hard-won.
That football is the popular crucible of race means that it reflects the tensions and prejudices in wider society,it has the capacity to exacerbate those tensions or ameliorate them.

While playing against Cremona for Internazionale in 1995, Paul Ince was subjected to taunts of 'nigger, nigger'. After he gave the crowd ironic applause, the referee booked Ince.

Djibril Diawara.
Torino's Senegalese defender Djibril Diawara nose was smashed by an opponent's elbow while playing Bari in 2000. As blood poured from his face, Diawara was confronted by Bari captain Luigi Garzya. Bari coach Eugenio Fascetti shouted: 'The nigger Diawara spat in Garzya's face! And the spit might even be infected! Why don't they just stay home, these niggers?

Patrick Viera.
During Lazio's Champions League game against Arsenal in Rome in 2000, Sinisa Mihajlovic called Patrick Vieira a 'black shit' and received a two-match ban. Racist banners are frequently displayed in the Stadio Olimpico, with no action taken by the authorities.

Treviso fans booed the debut of one of their own players, Oluwasegun Omolade from Nigeria, in 2002. At the next home match, the team took to pitch with black shoe polish smeared over their faces, in what was supposed to be a show of solidarity with Omolade.


During Euro 96 Edgar Davids spoke of racial tension within the Holland camp, claiming that black players were not allowed to attend tactical meetings. He was sent home early.
The problem of racist chanting in Dutch domestic football is so bad that referees have been given the power to abandon matches because of it. The first to do so was Rene Temmink, after repeated anti-semitic chants by Den Haag fans in a game against PSV Eindhoven last October.
Auxerre's Ivory Coast striker Bonaventure Kalou was greeted with the banner 'Kalou is invited to a banana tree' before his side's Uefa Cup match at Ajax in February.

Borussia Dortmund's Julio Cesar threatened to leave the club in 1994 after being refused admission to a local nightclub simply because he is black.
In the same year, Schalke 04 became the first Bundesliga club to include a clause in their constitution stating that 'dishonourable conduct inside and outside the club, in particular the articulation of racist or xenophobic convictions' would result in expulsion.

Kevin Campbell suffered racist taunts from his own chairman while playing for Turkish club Trabzonspor in 1999. Mehmet Ali Yilmaz said in a television interview: 'We bought a cannibal who calls himself a striker. He is coloured. A great disappointment to the club.'

Racism in Footbal (Spain)

On 17 November 2004, Getafe was the venue for the friendly between Spain and England and was the scene of the most appalling display of mass racism at a major European football match for a long time. The meaning and consequences of that night still reverberate around Spain and Europe.

Getafe itself is no stranger to racism. In February, Osasuna striker Richard Morales was subject to persistent racial abuse but Getafe were fined a paltry £435 by the Spanish Football Federation. As the team coaches arrived for the match and the players made their way into the stadium, scores of fans rushed up to the wire fence and shouted 'nigger, nigger' at Daniel Kome, a Cameroon midfielder and Getafe's only black player. In fact, he was the only nonwhite face there - except Zinedine Zidane and Roberto Carlos -but outside the stadium overlooking the ground. There, more than half the spectators, mainly kids, were of North African origin. Getafe is an immigrant town, but when it comes to football it is a metaphor for racial segregation. For some bizarre reason, even during the warm-up, Kome was to be seen training on his own, away from the rest of the squad.

That November night at the Bernabéu triggered an epidemic of racial abuse at Spain's football grounds. It remains etched on the memories of those who were present. Marcelino Bondjale, who was born in Equatorial Guinea, a former Spanish colony, and came to the country 25 years ago, was one of them. Now 44 years old, he is a teacher and general secretary of the Coalición Española contra el Racismo [Cecra], the Spanish Coalition Against Racism. 'There were almost as many black people on the pitch as in the stadium. About eight altogether.' His colleague from Cecra, Carlos Ferreyra Núñez, a doctor, said: 'Eight out of 10 people were monkey chanting. It was more or less the whole stadium. Even the VIP section was monkey chanting. Most of the crowd was middle class, even upper class.' Diego Torres, a sports journalist for El Pais, commented: 'The reaction of the fans was shameful. I felt ashamed. It was the worst racist behaviour I have ever seen in Spain.' Nor was it confined to the stadium.

After the match, Fernando Garrido, the spokesman for the Spanish Federation ( the RFEF), claimed that the racist chanting had been without precedent at Spanish grounds 'for years', implying that it was all the fault of the British media for attacking Luis Aragonés, the Spanish manager, over comments he had made about Thierry Henry. Juan Castro, a journalist on the sports daily Marca, expresses a widely held view. 'Monkey chanting does not have a racist cause,' he says. 'It is a way of insulting the enemy team. It has a football cause, not a racial motivation. The Bernabéu was a cultural thing. It was a joke. It wasn't racist.'

Spain is in denial about its racism.

The exception? 'It is well known,' says Bondjale,a journalist, 'that any time a black player gets the ball, there is monkey chanting - this is the norm. When monkey chanting starts, part of the crowd is silent, the other joins in. And nobody ever does anything. No one has ever been prosecuted for monkey chanting. The police can be standing two metres away and they never intervene.'
So, contrary to what Garrido claims, racist chanting is nothing new. But that night at the Bernabéu exposed the racism in Spanish football to the uncomfortable glare of international publicity for the first time. 'Since then,' according to Diego Torres, 'there has been a kind of disease that has been spreading, by example, around the football grounds.'

Atlético Madrid fans chanted racist abuse against Real's Roberto Carlos during the derby on 9 January, for which the club was fined a mere £435. Albacete and Real Zaragoza fans have racially abused Barcelona's Samuel Eto'o in recent matches. Deportivo La Coruña fans chanted racial insults at Roberto Carlos. The referee, to his credit, called a brief halt to the game. The day before Getafe's game with Real in March, Paulo Wanchope was running through his toning-down exercises after a game at Málaga when a small group of home fans - his team's supporters - began racially abusing him. 'It all started,' according to Wanchope, who is from Costa Rica, 'when one fan started to shout all sorts of things at me with a megaphone. I was worthless. I made too much money. I decided to go to the stands and told him to say it to my face. He kicked me so I defended myself. Another fan hit me from behind. A small group of fans then started to make monkey noises and started shouting negro de mierda [black shit - the phrase that Aragonés used to describe Henry, to his clubmate José Antonio Reyes].'

Eto'o, from Cameroon, has been the target of much racist abuse. To his credit, like Henry, he has not remained silent, even though, in this climate of denial, black players are risking their own prospects by speaking out. After he scored in a match against Real Zaragoza, the crowd started to monkey chant; Eto'o responded by imitating a monkey. 'People paid for their tickets to see a monkey and so I did it. Each time this happens then I will do it.' A relatively recent arrival in Spain, Eto'o added: 'I thought the racist chanting was just a fad, but it seems to be becoming more widespread and more vitriolic.' Asked if a black referee could ever take charge of a Primera Liga game, he said: 'If one arrived here, then they would kill him.'
In reply to a question about what might be done to combat racism, Eto'o said: 'It is the journalists and the white players who can send the strongest messages.'
Alas, few journalists spoke out against Aragonés and, in the great majority, they have remained silent about the racism. Not a single white player has made his voice heard, David Beckham included. The role of the RFEF has been despicable. Rather than criticising Aragonés for his racist outburst against Henry, they have consistently defended him. They refused to take any action or make any statement against the racist chanting that engulfed the Bernabéu that November night. Eventually, at the request of Spain's Comisión Antiviolencia (Anti-Violence Commission), the RFEF fined Aragonés - some four months after the event - a derisory £2,000 for his attack on Henry. Their president, Angel María Villar, recently accused those who have continued to criticise Aragonés, adding: ' Everyone knows Aragonés is not a racist.'

Meanwhile, their spokesman Fernando Garrido said, somewhat contradictorily: 'There is no racism in our football. Absolutely no racism. We are sure about it. There is an occasional incident.'

To add insult to injury, the RFEF recently stopped its grant to the Coalition Against Racism. Carlos Ferreyra Núñez, the organisation's president, said: ' The Coalition feels that it is a punishment for speaking out against racism.'
The events at the Bernabéu have poisoned the atmosphere not only in football but also in the wider society. This is the price now being paid for the RFEF's support for Aragonés's racism and their refusal to condemn the racist behaviour that scarred the England game. Even the Spanish government has moved reluctantly, promising action while doing virtually nothing.

Extraordinarily, the Anti-Violence Commission - which was established in response to the violence at football grounds, some of it racially inspired - has not a single representative from the ethnic minorities.
The minorities remain deeply isolated in Spanish society, especially the Africans, who live on the edge of the economy in a twilight world of casualised labour. The gypsies, who number almost a million, have been outcasts for centuries. The Spaniards, with their fingers in their ears and their eyes firmly shut, remain in denial. There is no anti-racist legislation, except that required by the European Directive on Discrimination. Spain has barely begun to think about these issues.

According to Marcelino Bondjale, 'racism against blacks is worse than 20 years ago. Football is an expression of this. There are more blacks now, but the Spanish people haven't changed. When I have a problem with the police they don't believe I am Spanish. I suffer the same racism as an immigrant. My son (just five and born in Spain) is not treated as Spanish. The teacher tells the class he is from Africa. The danger is that the situation in football could worsen the situation in society.'

Santiago Seguroila, the sports editor of El Pais, Spain's most influential paper, and virtually the only journalist to call for the sacking of Aragonés after his original outburst against Henry, is very concerned about the deterioration in the situation. 'Spain used to be a closed society with no immigration. Everyone here was Spanish. It was football that brought the first people of colour from Latin America and Africa during the Fifties and Sixties. During that time there was no problem with racist chanting in the stadiums. But in the past 15 years, Spain has experienced serious immigration for the first time. There are tensions in society and these have been magnified by the Madrid bombing. Luis Aragonés should have been fired. His words were intolerable. The example of the Spanish Federation is very sad. They try to forget what happened. But it is dangerous because the ultra-right movements are trying to use it. As yet it is not an acute problem, but it could grow into one.'

The racism that blights Spanish football is not unique: on the contrary, in some degree or another, it exists in every European country. But, as Piara Powar, the coordinator of Britain's Kick it Out campaign points out, 'the special significance of the Bernabéu was that it was so high profile, with a global audience and huge numbers involved".
This was a recent game at the beginning of this week in a game between Lyons and Rennes. The white player, Milan Baros closed his nose as the black player,
Stephane M’Bia came close to him.
Did Stephane fart, or is this a racist gesture?

Make Me Feel Like a Woman!

On a plane there was a severe storm and the turbulence was awful, things went from bad to worse when one of the wings of the plane was struck by lightning.

All of a sudden a young,very beautiful woman looses it, screaming,she stands up in front of the plane and says: "I am too young to die" Then yells "well if i am going 2 die, i want my last minutes on earth 2 be memorable". I have had plenty of sex in my life but no one has ever made me feel like a woman". "Well i have had it". Is there anyone here who can make me feel like a woman?"

For a moment there's silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril,they all stare at the desperate woman.

Then a man stands up in the rear of the plane. "I can make u feel like a woman" he says.

The guy is Gorgeous, Sexy, Tall, Tanned, well built, wt Hazel green eyes. Very Hot!

He starts to walk slowly up the aisle...unbuttoning his shirt one at a time...

The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the stranger approaches.

He removes his shirt (Muscles ripple across, his chest as he reaches her)....

He extends his arm holding his shirt towards the trembling woman and whispers....

"Iron this"

Even NASA!!!

An armed space engineer killed a co-worker he had taken hostage, then himself, in an attack on Friday at NASA's Johnson Space Center.

Another hostage, a female co-worker, was found bound with duct tape, but unharmed, police said.

"Apparently there was some type of dispute between the suspect and the victim," Houston police chief Harold Hurtt said.

And this was just a few days after the Virginia shooting. What's up wt loners?

The incident occurred amid rising concerns about U.S. gun violence following the Monday attack at Virginia Tech.

"As a result of the Virginia Tech shootings, we had reviewed our own (security) procedures here at the Johnson Space Center," center director Michael Coats said.

"Of course, we never believed this could happen," he said.

Shooter who was idenitfied as Bill Phillips, had worked at JSC for 12 years but was a contract worker employed by Pasadena, California-based Jacobs Engineering Group Inc.

The Center Director said up until recently, he had been a good employee.

The dead co-worker was David Beverly, an engineer employed by NASA, Coats said. Both men were said to be in their 50s.

The incident began about 1:40 p.m. (1840 GMT) when, in the building where they worked, Phillips pulled out a gun and was heard firing at least two shots, police said.

Fran Crenshaw was taken hostage apparently only because she was nearby, Hurtt said. She was bound, but managed to get tape off her mouth and call NASA's emergency number, he said.

Workers in the building, which houses communications equipment, were quickly evacuated and heavily armed police moved in.

As they drew closer, they heard a shot and went in to find the gunman and his male hostage dead, said a police spokesman Dwayne Ready.

As the SWAT members made entry, they did indeed determine that the suspect shot himself one time to the head.

Also, on the same floor there was one other hostage that was shot. The police believe that may have occurred in the early minutes of this whole ordeal.
Ready said police had tried to communicate with the gunman, but got no response.

On a table, he had left a list of names and numbers of people to be notified about his death, said Hurtt.

Police said Phillips used a snub-nosed revolver he had bought on March 19 at a local gun shop.

Building 44, where the shooting took place, is slightly separated from most of the space center -- a sprawling 1,600-acre (650-hectare) campus that is home to NASA's Mission Control and the center of training for the space agency's astronaut corps.

NASA officials said the incident did not affect operations, which include flight control for the International Space Station.

In February, in another unusual event for NASA, astronaut Lisa Nowak was arrested in Florida on charges she assaulted a romantic rival. Nowak, who was based at JSC, was later fired from NASA and is awaiting trial in September.

Phillips, who had no family, lived near the space center in a one-story brick house, where the windows were shuttered and police peering inside said there was little furniture.

Neighbours described Phillips as friendly, but reserved.They said he was pretty much a loner. He was friendly, he'd wave at you, but they never saw anybody with him.

Only GOD knows why he did what he did, i am sure we will find out later. There are a lot of crazy people out there.

I just dont understand why they cant die by themselves. Why do they always take people to die wt them.

Nigeria, Breaking News!!!

At about 4am this morning, 21st April, 2007, an oil tanker was seen heading towards the Independent National Electoral Committee(INEC) headquarters in Abuja. There was nothing suspicious about the tanker until it hit an electric pole and a little fire was seen coming out from the beneath it.
A few people went to see if the occupants of the tanker could be rescued but, alas,there was no one in the vehicle.

The police was quickly alerted, they in turn contacted the fire department and the fire was put out.

They discovered that a huge stone had been placed on the accelerator of the tanker which made it move on its own without a driver...4 gas cylinders were also found in the tanker.The tanker had no registration number either so it cant be traced. The good thing is that the aim of some selfish evil doers was not accomplished.

I am sure the perpetrators of this crime had the intention of destroying the ballot papers,which were late in arriving from South Africa to Nigeria yesterday in the first place, so that the election could be postponed but GOD is bigger than Men.

Imagine the number of families who could have lost their lives out of some people's thoughtlessness and greed. Nigerians are getting more 'commando' these days o!

If they were as suicidal as some other people in other parts of the world are,they would have driven the tanker into the INEC building and would have killed themselves and the officials (who may have bn working to make sure the ballot papers were duly sent out). But who won die?

But thankfully they were stopped on time! Thanks to the law of acceleration! (Can't remember what that law is called in physics) Ha ha ha.

Nigerians can't sacrifice themselves by killing themselves or blowing themselves up for others(family or friends) to enjoy the benefits. They would rather work hard or defraud greedy people and be Alive to spend the money. We value our lives to much. Ha ha ha. Nobody won die!

Friday, April 20, 2007

Old Glesga Jokes.

This bloke is sitting reading his Daily Record newspaper when his wife sneaks up behind him and whacks him on the head with a frying pan.
Whit wis that fur?" he cries.

"That wis for the piece of paper in yir trooser poackets wi’ the name Mary-Rose written oan it," said she.

Dinna be daft," he explains, "twa weeks ago when ah went tae the races Mary-Rose wis the name of wan o' the horses ah bet on."

She seems satisfied and apologises, and goes off to do work around the house.

Three days later he's again sitting in his chair reading when she nails him again with the frying pan, knocking him out cold. When he comes around, he says, "whit the hell wis that fur?"
"Yir horse phoned!" she said.
A wee Glesga man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train.

After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep, the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower.

In the middle of the night, the woman leans over and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm freezing and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket."

The man leans out and with a glint in his eye, says, "I've got a better idea, let's kidd-on wir married.(Let's pretend we are married) " Why not," giggles the woman. Good", he replies.

"Get yir ain blanket(Get ur own blanket).
A Glesga woman from Glasgow's west-end was staying in a hotel in Edinburgh, she phoned room service for some pepper(paper). "Black pepper, or white pepper?" asked the concierge. "Toilet pepper!" yelled the woman!
A wee Glesga boy comes home from school and tells his mother he's been given a part in the school play. 'Wonderful. Whit part is it?' she asks The boy says, 'I play the part of the Scottish husband. The mother scowls and says, 'Go back an' tell that teacher ye want a speaking part!
One day the Primary 1 teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class.
She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home.
She read, "...And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?"
One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he said F****** hell! A talking pig!"
A wee Glesga woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in.
The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight, found it somewhat below normal, and asked if the baby was breast fed or bottle fed.
"Breast fed," she replied.
Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor ordered. She did.
He pressed, kneaded, rolled, cupped, and pinched both breasts for a while in a detailed, rigorously thorough examination.
Motioning to her to get dressed he said, "No wonder this baby is under weight. You don't have any milk !"
I know," she said, "ah'm his Granny, but I'm glad I came!

Amazing Body Paintings.

These body paintings are old ones but they are still very amazing and very Creative! Amazing work of Art.