Names!!!

This joke might be an old one, but it is still funny. Enjoy

Knott: Who's calling?
Watt: Watt.
Knott: What is your name, please?
Watt: Watt's my name.
Knott: That's what I asked you. What's you name?
Watt: That's what I told you. Watt's my name.

A long pause, and then from Watt,

Watt: Is this James Brown?
Knott: No, this is Knott.
Watt: Please tell me you name.
Knott: Will Knott.
Watt: Why not?
Knott: Huh? What do you mean why not?
Watt: Yeah! Why won' you tell me your name?
Knott: But I told you my name!
Watt: Didn't you say you will not?
Knott: Not not, Knott, Will Knott!
Watt: That's what I mean.
Knott: So you know my name.
Watt: Of course not!
Knott: Good. So now, what is yours?
Watt: Watt. Yours?
Knott: Your name!
Watt: Watt's my name.
Knott: How the hell do I know? I am asking you!
Watt: Look. I have been very patient and I have told you my name and you have not even told me yours.
Knott: You have been patient, what about me? I have told you my name so many times and it is you who have not told me yours.
Watt: Of course not!
Knott: See, you even know my name!
Watt: Of course not!
Knott: Then why do you keep saying of course Knott?
Watt: Because I don't.

Pause

Knott: What is your name?
Watt: See, you know my name!
Knott: Of course not!
Watt: Then why do you keep asking. Watt is your name?
Knott: To find out your name!
Watt: But you already know it!
Knott: What?
Watt: See, and you know mine!
Knott: Of course not!
Watt: Exactly!
Knott: Listen, listen, wait; If I asked you what you name is, what will be you answer?
Watt: Watt's my name.
Knott: No, no, give me only one word.
Watt: Watt
Knott: You name!
Watt: Right!

Pause before it hits him

Knott: Oh, Wright!
Watt: Yeah!
Knott: So why you didn't you say it before?
Watt: I told you so many times!
Knott: You never said Wright before.
Watt: Of course I did.
Knott: Ok I won't argue any more. Do you know my name?
Watt: I do not.
Knott: Well, there you go, now we know each other's name.
Watt: I do not!
Knott: Good!

Pause before it hits him

Watt: Oh, Guud!
Knott: Good.
Watt: No wonder, it took me so long, is that Dutch?
Knott: No, it's Knott.
Watt: Oh, ok. At least the names are clear now Guud.
Knot: Yes Wright.

Deadly spider.

Please take note of this spider - it is very dangerous. Please warn kids and everyone u know!

This guy was infected by this spider

This is how it looked on Day 5.

Day 6.

Day 9

Day 10.

This spider is breeding at a rapid rate and is found in more and more South-African houses!!!

THINGS YOU NEVER KNEW YOUR CELL PHONE COULD DO

There are a few things that can be done in times of grave emergencies. Your mobile phone can actually be a life saver or an emergency tool for survival. Check out the things that you can do with it.

1

EMERGENCY

The Emergency Number worldwide for Mobile phone is 112. If you find yourself out of coverage area of your mobile network and there is an emergency, dial 11 and the mobile will search any existing network to establish the emergency number for you, and interestingly this number 112 can be dialed even if the keypad is locked. Try it out.

2

Have you locked your keys in the car? Does you car have remote keys? This may come in handy someday.
Good reason to own a cell phone: If you lock your keys in the car and the spare keys are at home, call someone at home on their cell phone from your cell phone. Hold your cell phone about a foot from your car door and have the person at your home press the unlock button, holding it near the mobile phone on their end. Your car will unlock. Saves someone from having to drive your keys to you. Distance is no object. You could be hundreds of miles away, and if you can reach someone who has the other "remote" for your car, you can unlock the doors (or the trunk).

3

Hidden Battery power.

Imagine your cell battery is very low , you are expecting an important call and you don't have a charger. Nokia instrument comes with a reserve battery.

To activate, press the keys *3370# Your cell will restart with this reserve and the instrument will show a 50% increase in battery. This reserve will get charged when you charge your cell next time.

4.

How to disable a STOLEN mobile phone?

To check your Mobile phone's serial number, key in the following digits on your phone: * # 0 6 #. (Star sign, hash sign,zero,six and hash sign) .A 15 digit code will appear on the screen. This number is unique to your handset. Write it down and keep it somewhere safe. when your phone gets stolen, you can phone your service provider and give them this code. They will then be able to block your handset so even if the thief changes the SIM card, your phone will be totally useless. You probably won't get your phone back, but at least you know that whoever stole it can't use/sell it either.

If everybody does this, there would be no point in people stealing mobile phones.

Lucky Dube is Dead. SHOCKING!!!

I just heard the most shocking news today.

I heard Lucky Dube, one of the world's most talented reggae artistes has bn killed.

He was attacked by armed robbers yesterday, 18th Oct. 2007, in Rosettenville, Johannesburg, South Africa and got killed in the process.

I don't have the full detail yet. Will update when i do. This is really shocking!!!!

I am shaking. It's so so so sad. What is happening? What's really going on in Africa? I am lost for words.

Exciting weekend

Hey people, i had a fun holiday. I started partying from Thursday till yesterday.

Last week was the end of fast, for our muslim brothers and sisters, so thursday and friday were public holidays here.

And guess what people? I met Excited Jade and Tayo Odukoya yesterday. It was nice to meet them in person. I think we all had fun during our karaoke session yesterday. I sang like an angel in disguise. Lol. Tayo sang beautifully and Linda, my beautiful sister with the 'angelic' voice did very well too. Lol.

This is me playing pool at a get-together party yesterday.

Linda and i sang like 'angels' with ..... voices,lol. Having angelic voice runs in the family, ask Tayo and Excited Jade. LoL.

It is the beginning of a new week.

Enjoy the week ahead people.

Kisses. Mmmmauh!!!

Marion Jones

It is a pity about Marion Jones. She eventually admitted that she used performance enhancing drugs to win her last race. This confession came out as a shock.

Her five medals have been stripped off her, but, what about the money that came with these medals? Would she have to give the monies back as well? Will the medals be given to her runner-ups? What will happen?

Her court case has been adjourned to the 31st of January 2008.

My question however is , why now? What made her confess after all this time of keeping mum? Did she confess to someone who threatened to leak the story? Was she been blackmailed and decided to end the black mail by owning up? I just don't understand.

She was one of the world's greatest female athlete, and i am sure she would have won her races without those drugs.

She knows best.

2 Face Idibia

LEAVE TUFACE IDIBIA ALONE.

People should leave this hard working young man alone. Is it a crime to be handsome, have a fantastic voice and be blessed, all at the same time? No be God?!!

They tried to kill him two years ago in the name of an 'armed robbery' attempt, but didn't succeed. The young man was hospitalised for a long time, but eventually recovered.

Now, he's making waves all over the world. He's getting international awards etc, all over the world, but typical 'bad belle' Nigerians won't let him enjoy the fruit of his labour.

The blessed and most talented singer in Africa just arrived on Thursday(4Th Oct. 2007) from London, where he was nominated at the Mobo awards. He is scheduled to perform in Canada this month and Namibia in November but bad belle people are apparently unhappy about his success. So they thought that the best way to stop his shine was to kill him by attacking him again on Thursday night on his way from the airport.

The guy(2face) arrived from London to Nigeria on Thursday night, was in his car with a few of his friends and on his way to his Festac home, when all of a sudden, three guys who posed as 'armed robbers' stopped his car. They asked him and other occupants in the car to disembark. However, as 2face was about to open the door, one of the guys shot at him, but fortunately, the pellet hit his thigh. The lucky guy(2face) was saved from been fatally wounded 'cos he had his laptop on his thighs when he was shot, so it(the laptop) took most of the pressure of the bullet. The laptop wasn't taken, no money was demanded from them, no phone was stolen, nothing. So what did they want?

Anyways, Mr 2face 'the cat' Idibia is currently recovering at the hospital.

Nobody can stop his shine. Nothing dey Happen!

He has come to stay!! Yes O!!!

But like Classy babe and a few of my friends have said, i would advise him to relocate to a better country where he can live in Peace, without having to watch his back all the time.

Nigerian hell

A man died & goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country and decides he'll pick the least painful to spend his eternity.
He goes to the German hell & asks, "What do they do here?"
He is told "first they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day”. The man does not like the sound of that at all so he moves on.
He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all similar to the German hell.
Then he comes to the Nigerian hell and finds that there is a long queue of people waiting to get in...Amazed, he asks, "What do they do here?"
He is told "first they put you in an electric chair for an hour, then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. The Nigerian devil comes in & whips you for the rest of the day."
But that is exactly the same as all the other hells, why are there so many people waiting to get in?" asks the man.
A concerned fellow calls him aside and said,"Because there is never any electricity, the electric chair doesn't work.The nails were paid for but were never supplied by the contractor, so the bed is comfortable to sleep on.And the Nigerian devil used to be a civil servant,so he comes in, signs his time sheet and goes back home for other business!!"

Random News

Inquest into the deaths of Princess Diana and Dodi Al Fayed starts today.

Members of the jury consists of six women and five men. The inquest will take about six months.

It is said that no one is on trial,but that the inquest is about getting the truth and dispel random suspicion. Princess Diana's sister( Lady Sarah) was at the court today to represent her, a lawyer (I can't remember his name now) was there to represent Princes Harry and William while Mohammed Al Fayed was there for his son. He thinks they were murdered and he hopes Justice will prevail and the murderer(s) of his son and Lady Di be brought to book. There are 68 witnesses instead of the 12 the judge talked about. The investigators want to question as many people as possible. They also want to question Prince Charles and the Queen but the Queen is above the law and may not be questioned.
It's been ten years and i doubt if they will capture the culprits(if it was murder).

The members of jury would be flown to Paris. When they get there, they go to the Ritz hotel and would be driven along the same road Lady Di and Dodi did the day both of them died. This is would be done before evidence(s) would be presented.

Some unaswered questions people are asking are:
-If you were a person such as Dodi, would YOU let a "drunk" person drive you and your girlfriend?
-If the driver was so drunk, why didn't the bodyguard warn Dodi of the driver's condition?
-A close friend of Dodi told a British Arabic newspaper that the couple did indeed intended to marry that year. Could this have been the cause?
-Was Princess Diana three months pregnant?
Was there another car near the Mercedes which -Diana and the others were in that hit it in some way?
-Was a chemical slick put on the roadway within the tunnel?
-Was there disinformation planted throughout the world (and does it continue)?

Amazing:

A 17 year old boy has admitted to killing 12 year old Kamilah Peniston who was shot in the head on the 31st of April this year. He said he killed the girl with her mother's hand gun. He said he killed her with one shot to the head at close range. What stunned me was when i heard that the 17 year old is Kasha Peniston, her own brother. God Abeg O!

Kamilah's mother, Natasha Peniston admitted to keeping the illegal weapon in the house.

The full story is that, before Natasha Peniston left for a funeral, she told her son Kasha who was 16 at that time that there was a gun in the garden and he shouldn't touch it. As soon as the mother left, Kasha went to the garden and took the handgun. He went back into the living room where his 12 year old sister(Kasha) and his 8 year old twin sisters were and started waving the gun. He said placed the gun on Kasha's forehead and the gun went off while he was playing with it. He immediately lifted her on his arms and ran outside crying for neighbours to call an ambulance. An ambulance came and whisked Kasha to the ER but she gave up the struggle the following day, May 1st 2007. He pleaded guilty to Man slaughter this morning and will be sentenced on the 31st of October, 2007.

Mistaken identity

A 27 year old man has been killed by the British police. The man was shot 7 times in the head after being wrongly identified by someone as a terrorist.

Steven Gerrard involved in a car accident.

Liverpool captain, Steven Gerrard was involved in an accident where he hit a ten year old boy with his car. Steven was very upset that the child was hit. His spokesman, (who i am sure wasn't there when the accident occurred) said the child jumped in front of Steven's car when he was about to cross the street, without looking first. However, thankfully, the boy wasn't really hurt, i think he broke his leg or grazed it. Na dem sabi.

Britney Spears and K-Fed

Britney Spears has been told by a Jugde in California to hand over her kids to her ex husband, K-fed. He has been given temporary custody of the kids due to an alleged hit and run accident by Britney which took place after she had been dropped by her former mgt.

She drove without a valid driver's licence and was seen driving like crazy with her kids in the car. Britney's mum and K-Fed are very close. She is on the side of Kevin cos she says her primary interest is for the safety of her grand kids. Britney has now filed to have a driver's licence and is waiting to know how long Kevin would have custody of their two sons.

On a funny note:

Remember that advert where Paris Hilton wore a hot black swim suit, washing a car and eating a burger?Well this a replica of that advert. This is a Paris Hilton wanna-be. Y'all.

Happy Independence Day Nigeria

Today is a public holiday, hippeee!!! I have had a long weekend which i have enjoyed very much.No work till tomorow..Cool.

Nigeria is 47 years Old today and how's our economy like?......mmm... Don't want to dwell on negative thoughts this morning. O se aaro. Too early in the day 2 do that.

This is for all those who think they are geniuses.
Good luck and be honest.

WORLD'S EASIEST QUIZ
(Passing requires 4 correct answers)
Please answer all questions before scrolling down for the answers.

1) How long did the Hundred Years' War last?

2) Which country makes Panama hats?

3) From which animal do we get catgut?

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?

5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?

7) What was King George VI's first name?

8) What color is a purple finch?

9) Where are Chinese Gooseberries from?

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?


All done?
Remember, you need 4 correct answers to pass. Check your answers below.






ANSWERS TO THE QUIZ
(Passing requires 4 correct answers)

1) How long did the Hundred Years War last? 116 years

2) Which country makes Panama hats? Ecuador

3) From which animal do we get cat gut? Sheep and Horses

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution? November

5) What is a camel's hair brush made of? Squirrel fur

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal? Dogs

7) What was King George VI's first name? Albert

8) What color is a purple finch? Crimson

9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from? New Zealand

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane? Orange, of course



What do you mean, you failed?

Me, too. (And if you try to tell me you passed, you lie!)

Happy Independence Day Nigeria.

Enjoy the rest of the week people.