jokes

FIRST-grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students
The teacher asked, "Harry what is your problem?" Harry answered,
"I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than
she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!"
The teacher had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited
in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the
situation was. The principal told the teacher he would give the boy
a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go
back to the first-grade and behave. The teacher agreed. Harry was brought in and the
conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Harry: "9"

Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Harry: "36"

And so it went with every question the principal thought a
third-grade should know. The principal looks at the teacher and
tells her, "I think Harry can go to the third-grade." The teacher
says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions?" The
principal and Harry both agree.

Teacher: "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?
Harry: "Legs"

Teacher: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
(The principal wondered, why does she ask such a question!)
Harry: "Pockets"

Teacher: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"
Harry: "Pants"

Teacher: What's starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval,
delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?" (The principal's eyes
open really wide and before he could stop the answer...)
Harry: "Coconut"

Teacher: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and
sticky?"
Harry: "Bubblegum"

Teacher: "What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down
and a dog do on three legs?" (The principal's eyes open really wide
and before he could stop the answer...)
Harry: "Shake hands"

Teach! er: "Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay?"
Harry: "Yup"

Teacher: "You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me
up. I get wet before you do"
Harry: "Tent"

Teacher: "A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored.
The best man always has me first" (Principal was looking restless
and bit tense)
Harry: "Wedding Ring"

Teacher: "I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you
blow me, you feel good"
Harry: "Nose"

Teacher: "I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a
quiver"
Harry: "Arrow"

Teacher: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a
lot of excitement?"
Harry: "Fire Truck"

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put
his ass in the fifth-grade, I got the last ten questions wrong
myself."
Smart boy eh!!! Lol.
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Shipwrecked

There was a cruise ship going through some rough waters that ended up sinking just off the coast of a small deserted island....

There where only 3 survivors: 2 guys and a girl....

They lived there for a couple of years doing what was natural for men and women to do.......

After several years of casual sex all the time, the girl felt really bad about what she had been doing.......

She felt having sex with both guys was so bad that she killed herself......

It was very tragic, but the two guys managed to get through it, and after a while nature once more took it's inevitable course.........

Well, a couple more years went by and the guys began to feel absolutely horrible about what they were doing........

So..........

They buried her.
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Dispute between neighbors - true story.

A city council man in Utah , Mark Easton, had a beautiful view of the east mountains, until a new neighbor purchased the lot below his house and built a new home. The new home was 18 inches higher than the ordinances would allow, so Mark Easton, mad about his lost view,went to the city to make sure they enforced the lower roof line ordinance. The new neighbor had to drop the roof line, at great expense.
Recently, Mark Easton called the city, and informed them that his new neighbor had installed some vents on the side of his home. Mark didn't like the look of these vents and asked the city to investigate. When they went to Mark's home to see the vent view , this is what they found...