Church Analytics
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Thursday, December 24, 2009
District 9
District 9 is one of the shittiest, most ignorant movies I have ever seen in my life! The Director and Producers are apparently very ignorant about South Africans and Nigerians, especially Nigerians. The atrocities they said Nigerians were involved in in that movie was ARRANT NONSENSE and Non-existent.
The actors that were portrayed as Nigerian thugs were not Nigerians, they all spoke a language foreign to any of the languages in Nigeria and couldn't even fake the Nigerian accent. It was very pathetic.
What is wrong with some people? It is so wrong to make up fictitious information about a country and its people because, other people with no knowledge of Nigeria and its people would assume we were like that.
I thought all reputable producers and directors thoroughly researched about a country/people they have no knowledge about???? They apparently didn't know what they were doing because they were all over the place in the movie. The story line was shitty, they couldn't get their acts right, they were completely confused about where they wanted the movie to go, et al.
The movie was set up in Johannesburg (South Africa) but all they talked about were Nigerians. They portrayed Jo'burg as an impoverished and ugly city, which is VERY FAR from the truth. Jo'burg has slums just like every other country in the world does, but the city is VERY VERY beautiful unlike its portrayal in the movie.
I am VERY disappointed in the lack of research by the makers of the movie and I honestly feel sorry for their ignorance.
Again, District 9 is the shittiest movie of the year! Congratulations.
The actors that were portrayed as Nigerian thugs were not Nigerians, they all spoke a language foreign to any of the languages in Nigeria and couldn't even fake the Nigerian accent. It was very pathetic.
What is wrong with some people? It is so wrong to make up fictitious information about a country and its people because, other people with no knowledge of Nigeria and its people would assume we were like that.
I thought all reputable producers and directors thoroughly researched about a country/people they have no knowledge about???? They apparently didn't know what they were doing because they were all over the place in the movie. The story line was shitty, they couldn't get their acts right, they were completely confused about where they wanted the movie to go, et al.
The movie was set up in Johannesburg (South Africa) but all they talked about were Nigerians. They portrayed Jo'burg as an impoverished and ugly city, which is VERY FAR from the truth. Jo'burg has slums just like every other country in the world does, but the city is VERY VERY beautiful unlike its portrayal in the movie.
I am VERY disappointed in the lack of research by the makers of the movie and I honestly feel sorry for their ignorance.
Again, District 9 is the shittiest movie of the year! Congratulations.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Man spent 35years in jail for a crime he didnt commit now has $1.75mil
James Bain used a cell phone for the first time Thursday, calling his elderly mother to tell her he had been freed after 35 years behind bars for a crime he did not commit.
Mobile devices didn't exist in 1974, the year he was sentenced to life in prison for kidnapping a 9-year-old boy and raping him in a nearby field.
Neither did the sophisticated DNA testing that officials more recently used to determine he could not have been the rapist.
"Nothing can replace the years Jamie has lost," said Seth Miller, a lawyer for the Florida Innocence Project, which helped Bain win freedom. "Today is a day of renewal."
Bain spent more time in prison than any of the 246 inmates previously exonerated by DNA evidence nationwide, according to the project. The longest-serving before him was James Lee Woodard of Dallas, who was released last year after spending more than 27 years in prison for a murder he did not commit.
As Bain walked out of the Polk County courthouse Thursday, wearing a black T-shirt that said "not guilty," he spoke of his deep faith and said he does not harbor any anger.
"No, I'm not angry," he said. "Because I've got God."
The 54-year-old said he looks forward to eating fried turkey and drinking Dr Pepper. He said he also hopes to go back to school.
Friends and family surrounded him as he left the courthouse after Judge James Yancey ordered him freed. His 77-year-old mother, who is in poor health, preferred to wait for him at home. With a broad smile, he said he looks forward to spending time with her and the rest of his family.
"That's the most important thing in my life right now, besides God," he said.
Earlier, the courtroom erupted in applause after Yancey ruled.
"Mr. Bain, I'm now signing the order," Yancey said. "You're a free man. Congratulations."
Thursday's hearing was delayed 40 minutes because prosecutors were on the phone with the Florida Department of Law Enforcement. DNA tests were expedited at the department's lab and ultimately proved Bain innocent. Prosecutors filed a motion to vacate the conviction and the sentence.
"He's just not connected to this particular incident," State Attorney Jerry Hill told the judge.
Attorneys from the Innocence Project of Florida got involved in Bain's case earlier this year after he had filed several previous petitions asking for DNA testing, all of which were thrown out.
A judge finally ordered the tests and the results from a respected private lab in Cincinnati came in last week, setting the wheels in motion for Thursday's hearing. The Innocence Project had called for Bain's release by Christmas.
He was convicted largely on the strength of the victim's eyewitness identification, though testing available at the time did not definitively link him to the crime. The boy said his attacker had bushy sideburns and a mustache. The boy's uncle, a former assistant principal at a high school, said it sounded like Bain, a former student.
The boy picked Bain out of a photo lineup, although there are lingering questions about whether detectives steered him.
The jury rejected Bain's story that he was home watching TV with his twin sister when the crime was committed, an alibi she repeated at a news conference last week. He was 19 when he was sentenced.
Ed Threadgill, who prosecuted the case originally, said he didn't recall all the specifics, but the conviction seemed right at the time.
"I wish we had had that evidence back when we were prosecuting cases. I'm ecstatic the man has been released," said Threadgill, now a 77-year-old retired appeals court judge. "The whole system is set up to keep that from happening. It failed."
Eric Ferrero, spokesman for the Innocence Project, said a DNA profile can be extracted from decades-old evidence if it has been preserved properly. That means sealed in a bag and stored in a climate-controlled place, which is how most evidence is handled as a matter of routine.
The project has a bigger problem with lost or destroyed evidence than getting usable DNA profiles from existing evidence, he said.
Florida last year passed a law that automatically grants former inmates found innocent $50,000 for each year they spent in prison. No legislative approval is needed. That means Bain is entitled to $1.75 million.
Mobile devices didn't exist in 1974, the year he was sentenced to life in prison for kidnapping a 9-year-old boy and raping him in a nearby field.
Neither did the sophisticated DNA testing that officials more recently used to determine he could not have been the rapist.
"Nothing can replace the years Jamie has lost," said Seth Miller, a lawyer for the Florida Innocence Project, which helped Bain win freedom. "Today is a day of renewal."
Bain spent more time in prison than any of the 246 inmates previously exonerated by DNA evidence nationwide, according to the project. The longest-serving before him was James Lee Woodard of Dallas, who was released last year after spending more than 27 years in prison for a murder he did not commit.
As Bain walked out of the Polk County courthouse Thursday, wearing a black T-shirt that said "not guilty," he spoke of his deep faith and said he does not harbor any anger.
"No, I'm not angry," he said. "Because I've got God."
The 54-year-old said he looks forward to eating fried turkey and drinking Dr Pepper. He said he also hopes to go back to school.
Friends and family surrounded him as he left the courthouse after Judge James Yancey ordered him freed. His 77-year-old mother, who is in poor health, preferred to wait for him at home. With a broad smile, he said he looks forward to spending time with her and the rest of his family.
"That's the most important thing in my life right now, besides God," he said.
Earlier, the courtroom erupted in applause after Yancey ruled.
"Mr. Bain, I'm now signing the order," Yancey said. "You're a free man. Congratulations."
Thursday's hearing was delayed 40 minutes because prosecutors were on the phone with the Florida Department of Law Enforcement. DNA tests were expedited at the department's lab and ultimately proved Bain innocent. Prosecutors filed a motion to vacate the conviction and the sentence.
"He's just not connected to this particular incident," State Attorney Jerry Hill told the judge.
Attorneys from the Innocence Project of Florida got involved in Bain's case earlier this year after he had filed several previous petitions asking for DNA testing, all of which were thrown out.
A judge finally ordered the tests and the results from a respected private lab in Cincinnati came in last week, setting the wheels in motion for Thursday's hearing. The Innocence Project had called for Bain's release by Christmas.
He was convicted largely on the strength of the victim's eyewitness identification, though testing available at the time did not definitively link him to the crime. The boy said his attacker had bushy sideburns and a mustache. The boy's uncle, a former assistant principal at a high school, said it sounded like Bain, a former student.
The boy picked Bain out of a photo lineup, although there are lingering questions about whether detectives steered him.
The jury rejected Bain's story that he was home watching TV with his twin sister when the crime was committed, an alibi she repeated at a news conference last week. He was 19 when he was sentenced.
Ed Threadgill, who prosecuted the case originally, said he didn't recall all the specifics, but the conviction seemed right at the time.
"I wish we had had that evidence back when we were prosecuting cases. I'm ecstatic the man has been released," said Threadgill, now a 77-year-old retired appeals court judge. "The whole system is set up to keep that from happening. It failed."
Eric Ferrero, spokesman for the Innocence Project, said a DNA profile can be extracted from decades-old evidence if it has been preserved properly. That means sealed in a bag and stored in a climate-controlled place, which is how most evidence is handled as a matter of routine.
The project has a bigger problem with lost or destroyed evidence than getting usable DNA profiles from existing evidence, he said.
Florida last year passed a law that automatically grants former inmates found innocent $50,000 for each year they spent in prison. No legislative approval is needed. That means Bain is entitled to $1.75 million.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
A man's playmate
A guy walks into the bedroom with a sheep on a leash and says,
"Honey, this is the cow I make love to when you have a headache."
The wife, lying in the bed reading a book, looks up and says,
"If you weren't such an idiot, you'd know that's a sheep, not a cow."
The guy replies,
"If you weren't such a presumptuous bitch,
you'd realize I was talking to the sheep."
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Revenge
A boy about 13 years old walked down the street dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him.
He came up to the doorstep of a brothel and knocked on the door.
When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted.
He said, "I want to have sex with one of the women inside.
I have the money to buy it, and I'm not leaving until I get it."
The Madam figured why not, so she told him to come in.
Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls.
He asked, "Do any of the girls have any venereal diseases?"
Of course, the Madam said no.
He said, "I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making love with Amber. THAT'S the girl I want."
Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the cynical Madam told him to go to the first room on the right.
He headed down the hall dragging the squashed amphibian behind him.
Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door.
The Madam stopped him and asked, "Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?"
He said, "Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home with a baby-sitter.
After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she just
happens to be very fond of cute little boys.
She will then get the Dose that I just caught."
"When Mum and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home.
On the way, he'll give her one in the car and he'll catch the dose.
Then when Dad gets home from the baby-sitter's, he and Mum will go to bed and have sex, and Mum will catch it."
"In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mum and catch the clap, and......
HE'S the bastard who ran over my frog!"
He came up to the doorstep of a brothel and knocked on the door.
When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted.
He said, "I want to have sex with one of the women inside.
I have the money to buy it, and I'm not leaving until I get it."
The Madam figured why not, so she told him to come in.
Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls.
He asked, "Do any of the girls have any venereal diseases?"
Of course, the Madam said no.
He said, "I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making love with Amber. THAT'S the girl I want."
Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the cynical Madam told him to go to the first room on the right.
He headed down the hall dragging the squashed amphibian behind him.
Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door.
The Madam stopped him and asked, "Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?"
He said, "Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home with a baby-sitter.
After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she just
happens to be very fond of cute little boys.
She will then get the Dose that I just caught."
"When Mum and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home.
On the way, he'll give her one in the car and he'll catch the dose.
Then when Dad gets home from the baby-sitter's, he and Mum will go to bed and have sex, and Mum will catch it."
"In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mum and catch the clap, and......
HE'S the bastard who ran over my frog!"
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Tiger Woods Family Christmas Portrait
I couldnt resist to upload this picture when I saw it! Hahahaha. Enjoy!
Tiger Woods jokes started shortly after he had the 2:05am accident last week and rumors of a relationship with a cocktail waitress, Jaimee Grubbs started. Enjoy,lol.
What does Tiger Woods have in common with a baby seals?
They both get clubbed by Norwegians.
That accident was the first time Tiger Woods failed to drive 300 yards
Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree ... he couldn't decide between a wood and an iron. Perhaps Tiger should have used a driver.
"Crouching Tiger, hidden hydrant".
I find it's a nightmare driving at 2.05am: sometimes you can't see the Woods for the trees.
Tiger's wife went for him after he scored a birdie.
What was the second worst part of Tiger's car accident? The police found the driver in the trunk.
What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2.30 in the morning? They went clubbing.
What’s the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards.
Tiger Woods jokes started shortly after he had the 2:05am accident last week and rumors of a relationship with a cocktail waitress, Jaimee Grubbs started. Enjoy,lol.
What does Tiger Woods have in common with a baby seals?
They both get clubbed by Norwegians.
That accident was the first time Tiger Woods failed to drive 300 yards
Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree ... he couldn't decide between a wood and an iron. Perhaps Tiger should have used a driver.
"Crouching Tiger, hidden hydrant".
I find it's a nightmare driving at 2.05am: sometimes you can't see the Woods for the trees.
Tiger's wife went for him after he scored a birdie.
What was the second worst part of Tiger's car accident? The police found the driver in the trunk.
What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2.30 in the morning? They went clubbing.
What’s the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards.
Friday, November 27, 2009
Shaquille O Neal and Shaniya Davis
Remember beautiful 5 year old Shaniya Davis whose Mom sold her into child prostitution in order to pay off money she owed her assole drug partner? Remember also, that her body was found some days later, raped and strangled? Shaniya went missing on November 10th, her body was found on 16th November, 2009.
Remember her Mom, Antionette Davis, who had reported the child missing six days earlier, is charged with human trafficking and child abuse involving prostitution.
Photos taken from surveillance cameras showed Mario McNeill carrying Shaniya through a hotel nearly 30 miles from where she disappeared. Police were alerted to Shaniya's presence after she was recognized by a hotel clerk, but she and McNeill had both left by the time police arrivedthe guy she owed drug money has been charged with murder, rape and kidnapping in the case.
(For those who dont know the full story: Antionette who had a one night thing with Bradley got pregnant, but wasnt financially able to take care of her baby, so as soon as she had her daughter,she gave her to Bradley. Shaniya Davis had lived with her father, Bradley Lockhart,for the past 5 years but oly went to visit her Mom for one month when this tragedy befell her. Bradley Lockhart has blamed himself for letting his daughter visit her biological mother for a month).
After Shaniya's death, Bradley and his family set up a trust fund in memory of Shaniya to help raise money to pay for the funeral.
Well, basketball star Shaquille O'Neal saw the story on the news and decided to help pay for the funeral after being moved by national news coverage of the case of Shaniya Davis, who police say was kidnapped and killed. The Cleveland Cavaliers player was touched by the stories he saw and got in touch with the family to see what he could do to help, a spokeswoman for O'Neal said Thursday.
More than 2,000 people attended the girl's funeral on Sunday.
"I was sitting at home watching it on the news and the story brought a tear to my eye," O'Neal told The Cleveland Plain Dealer newspaper.
Corey Breece, of Rogers and Breece Funeral Home, which handled the service, declined to tell the Fayetteville Observer newspaper how much it cost but added that a child's funeral "averages around $4,500."
Her beautiful life was cut short by a Mother who had no clue to life.
May her soul rest in Peace, Amen.
Remember her Mom, Antionette Davis, who had reported the child missing six days earlier, is charged with human trafficking and child abuse involving prostitution.
Photos taken from surveillance cameras showed Mario McNeill carrying Shaniya through a hotel nearly 30 miles from where she disappeared. Police were alerted to Shaniya's presence after she was recognized by a hotel clerk, but she and McNeill had both left by the time police arrivedthe guy she owed drug money has been charged with murder, rape and kidnapping in the case.
(For those who dont know the full story: Antionette who had a one night thing with Bradley got pregnant, but wasnt financially able to take care of her baby, so as soon as she had her daughter,she gave her to Bradley. Shaniya Davis had lived with her father, Bradley Lockhart,for the past 5 years but oly went to visit her Mom for one month when this tragedy befell her. Bradley Lockhart has blamed himself for letting his daughter visit her biological mother for a month).
After Shaniya's death, Bradley and his family set up a trust fund in memory of Shaniya to help raise money to pay for the funeral.Well, basketball star Shaquille O'Neal saw the story on the news and decided to help pay for the funeral after being moved by national news coverage of the case of Shaniya Davis, who police say was kidnapped and killed. The Cleveland Cavaliers player was touched by the stories he saw and got in touch with the family to see what he could do to help, a spokeswoman for O'Neal said Thursday.
More than 2,000 people attended the girl's funeral on Sunday.
"I was sitting at home watching it on the news and the story brought a tear to my eye," O'Neal told The Cleveland Plain Dealer newspaper.
Corey Breece, of Rogers and Breece Funeral Home, which handled the service, declined to tell the Fayetteville Observer newspaper how much it cost but added that a child's funeral "averages around $4,500."
Her beautiful life was cut short by a Mother who had no clue to life.
May her soul rest in Peace, Amen.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Alligator shoes
After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the young blonde declared, 'Well, then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator and get a pair of alligator shoes for free!'
The shopkeeper replied with a sly smile, 'Well, little lady, why don't you go on and give it a try?'
The blonde headed off to the swamp, determined to catch an alligator.
Later in the day, as the shopkeeper was driving home, he spotted the same young woman standing waist deep in the murky water, shotgun in hand.
As he brought his car to a stop, he saw a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her. With lightning reflexes, the blonde took aim, shot the creature and
hauled it up onto the slippery bank. Nearby were 7 more dead gators all lying belly up. The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement as the blonde struggled mightily and barely managed to flip the gator onto its back.
Then, rolling her eyes heavenward, she screamed in frustration.....
‘CRAP! THIS ONE'S BAREFOOT, TOO!
The shopkeeper replied with a sly smile, 'Well, little lady, why don't you go on and give it a try?'
The blonde headed off to the swamp, determined to catch an alligator.
Later in the day, as the shopkeeper was driving home, he spotted the same young woman standing waist deep in the murky water, shotgun in hand.
As he brought his car to a stop, he saw a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her. With lightning reflexes, the blonde took aim, shot the creature and
hauled it up onto the slippery bank. Nearby were 7 more dead gators all lying belly up. The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement as the blonde struggled mightily and barely managed to flip the gator onto its back.
Then, rolling her eyes heavenward, she screamed in frustration.....
‘CRAP! THIS ONE'S BAREFOOT, TOO!
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
AND THEN THE FIGHT STARTED
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started....
******************************************
My wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes.."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And then the fight started....
******************************************
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
My loving wife of 10 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"
And that's how the fight started...
******************************************
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"
So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"
And then the fight started.....
*****************************************
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3
seconds.'
I bought her a scale.
And then the fight started...
******************************************
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace
expensive...
so, I took her to a gas station.
And then the fight started...
******************************************
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'
And then the fight started....
******************************************
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend.. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started...
She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started....
******************************************
My wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes.."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And then the fight started....
******************************************
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
My loving wife of 10 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"
And that's how the fight started...
******************************************
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"
So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"
And then the fight started.....
*****************************************
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3
seconds.'
I bought her a scale.
And then the fight started...
******************************************
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace
expensive...
so, I took her to a gas station.
And then the fight started...
******************************************
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'
And then the fight started....
******************************************
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend.. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started...
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
The Love Dress
A woman stopped by, unannounced, at her son's house. She knocked on the door then immediately walked in.. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked.
Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room.
'What are you doing?' she asked.
'I'm waiting for Justin to come home from work.' The daughter-in-law answered.
'But you're naked!' the mother-in-law exclaimed.
'This is my love dress,' the daughter-in-law explained.
'Love dress? But you're naked!'
'Justin loves me to wear this dress,' she explained. 'Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours.'
The mother-in-law left. When she got home she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and lay on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive.
Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her lying there so provocatively.
' What are you doing?' he asked.
'This is my love dress,' she whispered, sensually.
'Needs ironing,' he said, 'What's for dinner?'
Always Remember This:
You don't stop laughing because you grow old,
You grow old because you stop laughing!!!
Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room.
'What are you doing?' she asked.
'I'm waiting for Justin to come home from work.' The daughter-in-law answered.
'But you're naked!' the mother-in-law exclaimed.
'This is my love dress,' the daughter-in-law explained.
'Love dress? But you're naked!'
'Justin loves me to wear this dress,' she explained. 'Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours.'
The mother-in-law left. When she got home she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and lay on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive.
Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her lying there so provocatively.
' What are you doing?' he asked.
'This is my love dress,' she whispered, sensually.
'Needs ironing,' he said, 'What's for dinner?'
Always Remember This:
You don't stop laughing because you grow old,
You grow old because you stop laughing!!!
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Never Underestimate A Texas Redneck
A Redneck from Sweetwater , Texas walked into a bank in New York City and asked for the loan officer.
He told the loan officer that he was going to Paris for an international redneck festival for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000 and that he was not a depositor of the bank.
The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of security for the loan, so the Redneck handed over the keys to a new Ferrari. The car was parked on the street in front of the bank.
The Redneck produced the title and everything checked out. The loan officer agreed to hold the car as collateral for the loan and apologized for having to charge 12% interest.
Later, the bank's president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh at the Redneck from the south for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral for a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the bank's private underground garage and parked it.
Two weeks later, the Redneck returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest of $23.07. The loan officer said, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out on Dunn & Bradstreet and found that you are a highly sophisticated investor and multimillionaire with real estate and financial interests all over the world.
Your investments include a large number of wind turbines around Sweetwater , Texas . What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?
The good 'ole Texas boy replied, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $23.07 and expect it to be there when I return?
His name was BUBBA...
He told the loan officer that he was going to Paris for an international redneck festival for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000 and that he was not a depositor of the bank.
The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of security for the loan, so the Redneck handed over the keys to a new Ferrari. The car was parked on the street in front of the bank.
The Redneck produced the title and everything checked out. The loan officer agreed to hold the car as collateral for the loan and apologized for having to charge 12% interest.
Later, the bank's president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh at the Redneck from the south for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral for a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the bank's private underground garage and parked it.
Two weeks later, the Redneck returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest of $23.07. The loan officer said, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out on Dunn & Bradstreet and found that you are a highly sophisticated investor and multimillionaire with real estate and financial interests all over the world.
Your investments include a large number of wind turbines around Sweetwater , Texas . What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?
The good 'ole Texas boy replied, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $23.07 and expect it to be there when I return?
His name was BUBBA...
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Wisdom
A Holy man was having a conversation with the Lord one day and said, 'Lord, I would like to know what Heaven and Hell are like.'
The Lord led the holy man to two doors.
He opened one of the doors and the holy man looked in.
In the middle of the room was a large round table..
In the middle of the table was a large pot of stew which smelled delicious and made the holy man's mouth water.
The people sitting around the table were thin and sickly..
They appeared to be famished. They were holding spoons with very long handles that were strapped to their arms and each found it possible to reach into the pot of stew and take a spoonful.
But because the handle was longer than their arms, they could not get the spoons back into their mouths...
The holy man shuddered at the sight of their misery and suffering.
The Lord said, 'You have seen Hell'.
They went to the next room and opened the door. It was exactly the same as the first one.
There was the large round table with the large pot of stew which made the holy man's mouth water.
The people were equipped with the same long-handled spoons, but here the people were well nourished and plump,laughing and talking.
The holy man said, 'I don't understand.
'It is simple,' said the Lord. 'It requires but one skill.
You see, they have learned to feed each other. The greedy think only of themselves.'
The Lord led the holy man to two doors.
He opened one of the doors and the holy man looked in.
In the middle of the room was a large round table..
In the middle of the table was a large pot of stew which smelled delicious and made the holy man's mouth water.
The people sitting around the table were thin and sickly..
They appeared to be famished. They were holding spoons with very long handles that were strapped to their arms and each found it possible to reach into the pot of stew and take a spoonful.
But because the handle was longer than their arms, they could not get the spoons back into their mouths...
The holy man shuddered at the sight of their misery and suffering.
The Lord said, 'You have seen Hell'.
They went to the next room and opened the door. It was exactly the same as the first one.
There was the large round table with the large pot of stew which made the holy man's mouth water.
The people were equipped with the same long-handled spoons, but here the people were well nourished and plump,laughing and talking.
The holy man said, 'I don't understand.
'It is simple,' said the Lord. 'It requires but one skill.
You see, they have learned to feed each other. The greedy think only of themselves.'
Monday, September 28, 2009
Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom are married
6ft 10inches tall Lamar Odom of L.A. Lakers just got married to Khloe Kardashian. I was surprised to hear it on E! News that, the couple who had been dating for only one month tied the knots during the weekend.
The 29-year-old basketball star and the 25-year-old reality TV starlet were married on Sunday at a private residence in Beverly Hills.
The bride was walked down the aisle by her stepfather, Bruce Jenner.
The wedding was attended by numerous stars, including older sisters Kourtney and Kim Kardashian.
Kim as one of the bride-maids.
Kim with on and off bf, Reggie Bush
Kim and Kourtney Kardashian as some of the bride maids.
Some of the invited guests were Kobe Bryant and Wife, Vanessa.
At the beginning, it was Khloe, Kim and Kourtney and the rest of the family on the TV reality show 'Keeping up with the Kardashians',
then the sisters got pissed cos Kim was getting all the attention and she(Kim) always said her sisters were jealous of her. The two sisters, Kourtney and Khloe moved to Miami and started their own reality show, Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami.
Kourtney got pregnant by her on and off man whom she almost married in Las Vegas, Scott,
Kourtney and Scott
now she hangs out with her BFF, Kendra Wilkinson-Baskett and now Khloe is married, lol. I am not gonna say what I think these sisters are trying to do, lol. Maybe they are trying to get more attention to themselves than their baby sister is by pulling these publicity stunts,lol, anyways, I wish the newly-weds a long and happy marriage.
Lamar Odom is a man on the rise. He continues to shine on the basketball court, as an entrepreneur, and as a father to his children, Destiny and Lamar Jr.
U can check Lamar out on his website: www.lamarodom.com Oh, just wondering, does anyone know if his father is/was Nigerian?
The 29-year-old basketball star and the 25-year-old reality TV starlet were married on Sunday at a private residence in Beverly Hills.
The bride was walked down the aisle by her stepfather, Bruce Jenner.
The wedding was attended by numerous stars, including older sisters Kourtney and Kim Kardashian.
Kim as one of the bride-maids.
Kim with on and off bf, Reggie Bush
Kim and Kourtney Kardashian as some of the bride maids.
Some of the invited guests were Kobe Bryant and Wife, Vanessa.At the beginning, it was Khloe, Kim and Kourtney and the rest of the family on the TV reality show 'Keeping up with the Kardashians',
then the sisters got pissed cos Kim was getting all the attention and she(Kim) always said her sisters were jealous of her. The two sisters, Kourtney and Khloe moved to Miami and started their own reality show, Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami.
Kourtney got pregnant by her on and off man whom she almost married in Las Vegas, Scott,
Kourtney and Scott
now she hangs out with her BFF, Kendra Wilkinson-Baskett and now Khloe is married, lol. I am not gonna say what I think these sisters are trying to do, lol. Maybe they are trying to get more attention to themselves than their baby sister is by pulling these publicity stunts,lol, anyways, I wish the newly-weds a long and happy marriage.
Lamar Odom is a man on the rise. He continues to shine on the basketball court, as an entrepreneur, and as a father to his children, Destiny and Lamar Jr.
U can check Lamar out on his website: www.lamarodom.com Oh, just wondering, does anyone know if his father is/was Nigerian?
Thursday, September 24, 2009
2 old geezers
TWO OLD MEN DECIDE THEY ARE CLOSE TO THEIR LAST DAYS AND DECIDE TO HAVE A LAST NIGHT ON THE TOWN.
AFTER A FEW DRINKS, THEY END UP AT THE LOCAL BROTHEL.
THE MADAM TAKES ONE LOOK AT THE TWO OLD GEEZERS AND WHISPERS TO HER MANAGER, 'GO UP TO THE FIRST TWO BEDROOMS AND PUT AN INFLATED DOLL IN EACH BED.
THESE TWO ARE SO OLD AND DRUNK, I'M NOT WASTING TWO OF MY GIRLS ON THEM. THEY WON'T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.
THE MANAGER DOES AS HE IS TOLD AND THE TWO OLD MEN GO UPSTAIRS AND TAKE CARE OF THEIR BUSINESS. AS THEY ARE WALKING HOME THE FIRST MAN SAYS,
'YOU KNOW, I THINK MY GIRL WAS DEAD!'
'DEAD?' SAYS HIS FRIEND, 'WHY DO YOU SAY THAT?'
'WELL, SHE NEVER MOVED OR MADE A SOUND ALL THE TIME I WAS LOVING HER.' HIS FRIEND SAYS, 'COULD BE WORSE I THINK MINE WAS A WITCH.'
'A WITCH ??. . WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT?'
'WELL, I WAS MAKING LOVE TO HER, KISSING HER ON THE NECK, AND I GAVE HER A LITTLE BITE, THEN SHE FARTED AND FLEW OUT THE WINDOW..... TOOK MY TEETH WITH HER!'
AFTER A FEW DRINKS, THEY END UP AT THE LOCAL BROTHEL.
THE MADAM TAKES ONE LOOK AT THE TWO OLD GEEZERS AND WHISPERS TO HER MANAGER, 'GO UP TO THE FIRST TWO BEDROOMS AND PUT AN INFLATED DOLL IN EACH BED.
THESE TWO ARE SO OLD AND DRUNK, I'M NOT WASTING TWO OF MY GIRLS ON THEM. THEY WON'T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.
THE MANAGER DOES AS HE IS TOLD AND THE TWO OLD MEN GO UPSTAIRS AND TAKE CARE OF THEIR BUSINESS. AS THEY ARE WALKING HOME THE FIRST MAN SAYS,
'YOU KNOW, I THINK MY GIRL WAS DEAD!'
'DEAD?' SAYS HIS FRIEND, 'WHY DO YOU SAY THAT?'
'WELL, SHE NEVER MOVED OR MADE A SOUND ALL THE TIME I WAS LOVING HER.' HIS FRIEND SAYS, 'COULD BE WORSE I THINK MINE WAS A WITCH.'
'A WITCH ??. . WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT?'
'WELL, I WAS MAKING LOVE TO HER, KISSING HER ON THE NECK, AND I GAVE HER A LITTLE BITE, THEN SHE FARTED AND FLEW OUT THE WINDOW..... TOOK MY TEETH WITH HER!'
Monday, September 21, 2009
Uwem Akpan picked by Oprah Winfrey
Nigerian author Uwem Akpan, who is a Jesuit priest, is a prolific story writer. He was ordained a priest in 2003 and received his MFA (Masters) in creative writing from the University of Michigan in 2006. Uwem studied philosophy and English at Creighton and Gonzaga universities then studied theology for three years at the Catholic University of Eastern Africa.
He was ordained as a Jesuit priest in 2003 and received his master's degree in creative writing from the University of Michigan in 2006.
Uwem's collection of short stories was chosen by influential US talk show host Oprah Winfrey for her book club.
Oprah picked “Say You’re One Of Them” as her 63rd book club selection, the first time she has chosen a book of short stories, saying these stories “left me stunned and profoundly moved.”
His story collection was first published last year by Little Brown. The five stories are each set in a different African country -- Benin, Ethiopia, Kenya, Nigeria and Rwanda -- and are told through the eyes of children aged 6 to 16. The book was published this month by Little Brown.
"Children are living through these conflicts. Some of them have seen horrible things." Akpan, 37, said in an interview.
He said he began the book by brainstorming the problems in Africa that worried him most, and decided that telling them from the point of view of children would increase their power.
"I listed the issues about Africa. And these issues are not all in one country, thank God," he said.
One story, "My Parents' Bedroom," is set during the Rwandan genocide of 1994 and narrated by a 9-year-old girl who watches her Hutu father kill her Tutsi mother with a machete.
Akpan has never been to Rwanda but he said he followed reports of the genocide in the Nigerian press.
The collection, published in 2008, includes five separate stories from the perspective of an African child that were described as capturing the resilience of children growing up in the face of unimaginable devastation.
This is a Nigerian one should be very proud of. Keep up the good work!
Check his book out at Amazon.com
http://www.amazon.com/Say-Youre-Them-Uwem-Akpan/dp/0316113956/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1253548677&sr=8-1
Weldone Uwem!!!!
I already ordered the book via amazon.com for $8.99, shipping & Handling:$3.99, total for this Order was $12.98. It will arrive in my home within 3-5days. Yaaay!!!
Update:
Sept 24th, 2009.
Yaaaaaaaay, my copy of 'Say You're One of Them' arrived today thru UPS! I made the purchase via amazon.com
Gonna start reading it 2nite! Yippee!!!
He was ordained as a Jesuit priest in 2003 and received his master's degree in creative writing from the University of Michigan in 2006.
Uwem's collection of short stories was chosen by influential US talk show host Oprah Winfrey for her book club.
Oprah picked “Say You’re One Of Them” as her 63rd book club selection, the first time she has chosen a book of short stories, saying these stories “left me stunned and profoundly moved.”
His story collection was first published last year by Little Brown. The five stories are each set in a different African country -- Benin, Ethiopia, Kenya, Nigeria and Rwanda -- and are told through the eyes of children aged 6 to 16. The book was published this month by Little Brown.
"Children are living through these conflicts. Some of them have seen horrible things." Akpan, 37, said in an interview.
He said he began the book by brainstorming the problems in Africa that worried him most, and decided that telling them from the point of view of children would increase their power.
"I listed the issues about Africa. And these issues are not all in one country, thank God," he said.
One story, "My Parents' Bedroom," is set during the Rwandan genocide of 1994 and narrated by a 9-year-old girl who watches her Hutu father kill her Tutsi mother with a machete.
Akpan has never been to Rwanda but he said he followed reports of the genocide in the Nigerian press.
The collection, published in 2008, includes five separate stories from the perspective of an African child that were described as capturing the resilience of children growing up in the face of unimaginable devastation.
This is a Nigerian one should be very proud of. Keep up the good work!
Check his book out at Amazon.com
http://www.amazon.com/Say-Youre-Them-Uwem-Akpan/dp/0316113956/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1253548677&sr=8-1
Weldone Uwem!!!!
I already ordered the book via amazon.com for $8.99, shipping & Handling:$3.99, total for this Order was $12.98. It will arrive in my home within 3-5days. Yaaay!!!
Update:
Sept 24th, 2009.
Yaaaaaaaay, my copy of 'Say You're One of Them' arrived today thru UPS! I made the purchase via amazon.com
Gonna start reading it 2nite! Yippee!!!
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Some old jokes
WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
Keep reading - they get better!!!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
--------
WOMEN'S REVENGE
'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished
to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a
television set in her purse.
'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.
'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'
------------------------------------------------------------------------
--------
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
--------
CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball
of string on the counter.
She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons
for your wife?
He answers, 'You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the
store
to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of
tobacco
and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she...
(I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
--------
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'
'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'
------------------------------------------------------------------------
--------
WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a
day.
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat
everything to men....
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'
------------------------------------------------------------------------
--------
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
'The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
--------
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, 'You should do it because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.
The husband said, 'You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my
coffee.'
Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible
that the man should do the coffee.'
Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.'
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at
the top of several pages, that it indeed says . 'HEBREWS'
------------------------------------------------------------------------
--------
The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home
and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to
wake him
at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on
a piece of paper,
'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.' He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and
he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his
wife hadn't wakened him,
when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.'
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
Keep reading - they get better!!!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
--------
WOMEN'S REVENGE
'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished
to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a
television set in her purse.
'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.
'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'
------------------------------------------------------------------------
--------
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
--------
CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball
of string on the counter.
She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons
for your wife?
He answers, 'You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the
store
to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of
tobacco
and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she...
(I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
--------
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'
'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'
------------------------------------------------------------------------
--------
WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a
day.
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat
everything to men....
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'
------------------------------------------------------------------------
--------
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
'The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
--------
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, 'You should do it because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.
The husband said, 'You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my
coffee.'
Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible
that the man should do the coffee.'
Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.'
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at
the top of several pages, that it indeed says . 'HEBREWS'
------------------------------------------------------------------------
--------
The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home
and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to
wake him
at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on
a piece of paper,
'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.' He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and
he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his
wife hadn't wakened him,
when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.'
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
What is wrong with Kanye West?
What's up with this attention seeking dude??????????? He likes so much attention that he'd step on other people's emotion just to get noticed regardless of the fact that it makes him look like a complete assole( Pardon my vocabulary).
Who asked for his opinion? I hear Taylor Swift's song every day at work to the point that it drives me crazy, but it isn't the girl's fault that her song is among the top ten songs and is played EVERYDAY on radio. He should have allowed her enjoy her moment when she won The Best Female Video for "You Belong With Me". I have never watched the Video but like I said earlier, I hear that song E-V-E-R-Y-D-A-Y at work!!! To the extent that I even know more than half of the words in the song, lol.
The 19 year old country singer was in the middle of her acceptance speech at the VMA awards, she was so excited while making her speech when all of a sudden, Kanye materialised from nowhere, took the Mic from her, told her he'd let her finish her speech, then went ahead to say "I'm sorry, but Beyoncé had one of the best videos of all time," then handed the Mic back to Taylor...everyone was shocked including Beyonce herself. The poor girl was stunned and speechless for more than a minute or two. Why does Kanye like being a d''k?
The good thing however is that, Beyonce came on stage wearing a very nice red dress, called Taylor from back stage, gave her a hug and asked her to give another shot at her acceptance speech, this time the now recovered girl made a very nice speech.
Beyonce and Taylor both wore nice red dresses.
Who asked for his opinion? I hear Taylor Swift's song every day at work to the point that it drives me crazy, but it isn't the girl's fault that her song is among the top ten songs and is played EVERYDAY on radio. He should have allowed her enjoy her moment when she won The Best Female Video for "You Belong With Me". I have never watched the Video but like I said earlier, I hear that song E-V-E-R-Y-D-A-Y at work!!! To the extent that I even know more than half of the words in the song, lol.
The 19 year old country singer was in the middle of her acceptance speech at the VMA awards, she was so excited while making her speech when all of a sudden, Kanye materialised from nowhere, took the Mic from her, told her he'd let her finish her speech, then went ahead to say "I'm sorry, but Beyoncé had one of the best videos of all time," then handed the Mic back to Taylor...everyone was shocked including Beyonce herself. The poor girl was stunned and speechless for more than a minute or two. Why does Kanye like being a d''k?
The good thing however is that, Beyonce came on stage wearing a very nice red dress, called Taylor from back stage, gave her a hug and asked her to give another shot at her acceptance speech, this time the now recovered girl made a very nice speech.
Beyonce and Taylor both wore nice red dresses.
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Gani Fawenhimi is gone
What?????????????????????? Noooooooooooooooo!!!!
That was my reaction when I read about Chief Gani Fawenhinmi's passing. WTF??? How can someone so good and who fought so much for some semblance of sanity to prevail in our 'beloved' country leave??? This is so so sad. I pray that God gives his family the fortitude to bear this GREAT LOSS to humanity!!! Nigeria will miss you. This is a GREAT LOSS to the Nation.
When I read about his passing? I said What??? This was one of the ONLY THREE worthy people in Nigeria who had the country's best interest at heart and now he is gone???
Again, this is a HUGE loss to the country.
May his soul rest in peace.
This was an excerpt from someone on face book:
Yepppppaaaaaa!!!!That was my reaction when i heard the death of Chief Gani Fawehinmi early this morning,i see him as one of the only three trustworthy Nigerian left and one of the people who served humanity till they left this world.
Even during his battle with cancer Chief Gani Fawehinmi was still fighting while he was in hospital right here in London,i know most of the people who he fought will now be happy he is gone but i know his spirit his right here with us and help us carry through.
No Nigerian person, either living or dead, has sacrificed his personal freedom more frequently, and under more perilous circumstances, than Barrister Gani Fawehinmi has done during his exemplary lifetime of epic struggle for justice and against the twin tyrannies of military rule and state oppression in Nigeria.
Simultaneously, and with no fanfare, Barrister Gani Fawehinmi SAN parlayed the bulk of his personal wealth into sponsoring the education of scores of promising Nigerians from poor backgrounds, selected for that upliftment by virtue of their intellectual and academic prowess, but never on the basis of tribal lineage or religious persuasion.
The passing of Gani Fawehinmi fills my heart with profound sorrow, and my eyes with unashamed tears, as I realize that the free, just and progressive nation of Nigeria, for which Gani struggled to attain with every waking moment of his heroic life, never came to be during the lifetime of the man who gave so much, and who ultimately gave his all, for his fatherland.
Rest in Peace, Gani.
We will love you and all you represent for ever, and we will tell our grandchildren your great achievement.
That was my reaction when I read about Chief Gani Fawenhinmi's passing. WTF??? How can someone so good and who fought so much for some semblance of sanity to prevail in our 'beloved' country leave??? This is so so sad. I pray that God gives his family the fortitude to bear this GREAT LOSS to humanity!!! Nigeria will miss you. This is a GREAT LOSS to the Nation.
When I read about his passing? I said What??? This was one of the ONLY THREE worthy people in Nigeria who had the country's best interest at heart and now he is gone???
Again, this is a HUGE loss to the country.
May his soul rest in peace.
This was an excerpt from someone on face book:
Yepppppaaaaaa!!!!That was my reaction when i heard the death of Chief Gani Fawehinmi early this morning,i see him as one of the only three trustworthy Nigerian left and one of the people who served humanity till they left this world.
Even during his battle with cancer Chief Gani Fawehinmi was still fighting while he was in hospital right here in London,i know most of the people who he fought will now be happy he is gone but i know his spirit his right here with us and help us carry through.
No Nigerian person, either living or dead, has sacrificed his personal freedom more frequently, and under more perilous circumstances, than Barrister Gani Fawehinmi has done during his exemplary lifetime of epic struggle for justice and against the twin tyrannies of military rule and state oppression in Nigeria.
Simultaneously, and with no fanfare, Barrister Gani Fawehinmi SAN parlayed the bulk of his personal wealth into sponsoring the education of scores of promising Nigerians from poor backgrounds, selected for that upliftment by virtue of their intellectual and academic prowess, but never on the basis of tribal lineage or religious persuasion.
The passing of Gani Fawehinmi fills my heart with profound sorrow, and my eyes with unashamed tears, as I realize that the free, just and progressive nation of Nigeria, for which Gani struggled to attain with every waking moment of his heroic life, never came to be during the lifetime of the man who gave so much, and who ultimately gave his all, for his fatherland.
Rest in Peace, Gani.
We will love you and all you represent for ever, and we will tell our grandchildren your great achievement.
Monday, August 17, 2009
Usain Bolt
Amazng Usain Bolt smashed the 100 meters world record on Sunday 15th August 2009, in Berlin.
Bolt improved the 100m world record to 9.58 seconds to win his first World Championship gold medal in what was the largest ever margin of improvement in the 100m world record since the beginning of electronic timing. Is he human? Wow the guy is soooo....Cant find the proper word to decribe him with.
Bolt improved the 100m world record to 9.58 seconds to win his first World Championship gold medal in what was the largest ever margin of improvement in the 100m world record since the beginning of electronic timing. Is he human? Wow the guy is soooo....Cant find the proper word to decribe him with.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Pete Edochie kidnapped
I was shocked when I heard Pete Edochie, 'Ebube-Dike', 'Okonkwo' (Things Fall apart) had been kidnapped. I quickly went online to confirm the story and alas, Vanguard newspaper confirmed it.
Our own veteran. Na wa o! What is going on in our own beloved country?
I undertsnad his son, Uche Edochie confirmed that his father was being driven from his country home in Enugu in the company of his family members when armed men stopped the car he was travelling in.
For more info, please read: www.vanguardngr.com/2009/08/16/pete-edochie-kidnapped/comment-page-5/
Our own veteran. Na wa o! What is going on in our own beloved country?
I undertsnad his son, Uche Edochie confirmed that his father was being driven from his country home in Enugu in the company of his family members when armed men stopped the car he was travelling in.
For more info, please read: www.vanguardngr.com/2009/08/16/pete-edochie-kidnapped/comment-page-5/
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Be careful what you wish for
I love this tale!!! It's a clear case of 'Be careful what you wish for', lol.
A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home.
He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:
'Dear Lord:
I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home.
I want her to know what I go through.
So, please allow her body to switch with mine for a day.
Amen!' !
God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish.
The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman.
He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate,
Awakened the kids,
Set out their school clothes,
Fed them breakfast,
Packed their lunches,
Drove them to school,
Came home and picked up the dry cleaning,
Took it to the cleaners
And stopped at the bank to make a deposit,
Went grocery shopping,
Then drove home to put away the groceries,
Paid the bills and balanced the check book.
He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog.
Then, it was already 1P.M.
And he hurried to make the beds,
Do the laundry, vacuum ,
Dust,
And sweep and mop the kitchen floor.!
Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home.
Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework.
Then, set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.
At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.
After supper,
He cleaned the kitchen,
Ran the dishwasher,
Folded laundry,
Bathed the kids,
And put them to bed.
At 9 P..M .
He was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.
The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said: -
'Lord, I don't know what I was thinking.
I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day.
Please, oh! Oh! Please, let us trade back.
Amen!'
The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied:
'My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were.
You'll just have to wait nine months, though.
You got pregnant last night.'
A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home.
He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:
'Dear Lord:
I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home.
I want her to know what I go through.
So, please allow her body to switch with mine for a day.
Amen!' !
God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish.
The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman.
He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate,
Awakened the kids,
Set out their school clothes,
Fed them breakfast,
Packed their lunches,
Drove them to school,
Came home and picked up the dry cleaning,
Took it to the cleaners
And stopped at the bank to make a deposit,
Went grocery shopping,
Then drove home to put away the groceries,
Paid the bills and balanced the check book.
He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog.
Then, it was already 1P.M.
And he hurried to make the beds,
Do the laundry, vacuum ,
Dust,
And sweep and mop the kitchen floor.!
Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home.
Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework.
Then, set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.
At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.
After supper,
He cleaned the kitchen,
Ran the dishwasher,
Folded laundry,
Bathed the kids,
And put them to bed.
At 9 P..M .
He was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.
The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said: -
'Lord, I don't know what I was thinking.
I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day.
Please, oh! Oh! Please, let us trade back.
Amen!'
The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied:
'My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were.
You'll just have to wait nine months, though.
You got pregnant last night.'
Friday, July 24, 2009
Best Wedding Entrance Ever
This is the best wedding entrance I ever saw! I hope they have as much fun in their married lives as they had on their wedding day! Awesome!
Ladies and Gentlemen, I present Jill Peterson and Kevin Heinz...
Ladies and Gentlemen, I present Jill Peterson and Kevin Heinz...
Roger Federer and his wife Mirka welcome twin daughters
The world best Tennis player, King Roger Federer, announced to us, his fans on his facebook page, that his wife Mirka gave birth to two beautiful, healthy kids two nights ago in Switzerland. He said Mother and daughters are all doing great!
This were his exact words on Facebook,yesterday, : I have some exciting news to share with you: Late last night, in Switzerland, Mirka and I became proud parents of twin girls! We named them Myla Rose and Charlene Riva and they are both healthy and along with their mother, they are doing great. This is the best day of our lives!
Congratulations King, u now have two adorbale princesses to pamper and smother with Love.
This were his exact words on Facebook,yesterday, : I have some exciting news to share with you: Late last night, in Switzerland, Mirka and I became proud parents of twin girls! We named them Myla Rose and Charlene Riva and they are both healthy and along with their mother, they are doing great. This is the best day of our lives!
Congratulations King, u now have two adorbale princesses to pamper and smother with Love.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
New pictures of Lagos, Nigeria
The Lagos State Government has been doing well building good roads, expanding them and beautifying the streets of Lagos. There are several more pictures of beautiful Lagos but these are the ones I have so far.
I took some snapshots of the New look of Lagos before I left the country but I lost them somehow. I got these pictures from http://www.nigeriavillagesquare.com/articles/nvs/the-new-lagos-in-pictures-case-in-urban-ren.html U can check them out to view more pics of Lagos.
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Evian live long advert
I couldn't stop laughing when I saw this advert on a friend's page on facebook.
Enjoy!
Enjoy!
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
White man speaking pidgin
Oyibo from Colorado wey dey speak Hausa and pidgin. U go fear fear na! Lol. No be lie!!!
Little Johnny joke
Daddy's car in the woods?
Little Johnny watched his daddy's car pass by the school playground and go into the woods. Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace.
Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could hardly contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother. "Mommy, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, and then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane..."
At this point Mommy cut him off and said, "Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight."
At the dinner table that evening, Mommy asked little Johnny to tell his story. Johnny started his story, "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mommy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in the Navy."
Mommy fainted!
Moral: Sometimes you need to listen to the whole
story before you interrupt!
Little Johnny watched his daddy's car pass by the school playground and go into the woods. Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace.
Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could hardly contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother. "Mommy, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, and then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane..."
At this point Mommy cut him off and said, "Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight."
At the dinner table that evening, Mommy asked little Johnny to tell his story. Johnny started his story, "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mommy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in the Navy."
Mommy fainted!
Moral: Sometimes you need to listen to the whole
story before you interrupt!
Diets
This Doctor was asked a couple of questions and these were his replies, lol. Check them out.
Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! ..... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
And remember:
'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO, What a Ride'
AND.....
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
CONCLUSION
Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you. lol.
Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! ..... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
And remember:
'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO, What a Ride'
AND.....
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
CONCLUSION
Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you. lol.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
CONFESSION OF AN IJAW KID
Little Oyinkepreye came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner.
His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted.
"Mom, I want a bike for my birthday." Little Preye was a bit of a troublemaker.
He had gotten into trouble at school and at home.
Preye's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday. Little Preye, of course, thought he did.
Preye's mother wanted Preye to reflect on his behavior over the last year.
"Go to your room, Preye, and think about how you have behaved this year.
Then write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike for your birthday."
Little Preye stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter.
Letter 1
Dear God, I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday.
I want a red one.
Your friend,
Preye.
Preye knew that this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year, so he tore up the letter and started over.
Letter 2
Dear God,
This is your friend Preye. I have been a good boy this year and I would like a red bike for my birthday.
Thank you.
Your friend Preye
Preye knew that this wasn't true either. So, he tore
up the letter and started again.
Letter 3
Dear God,
I have been an "OK "boy this year. I still would
really like a bike for my birthday.
Preye
Preye knew he could not send this letter to God either. So, Preye wrote a fourth letter.
Letter 4
God,
I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry. I will be a good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday.
Please!
Thank you,
Preye
Preye knew , even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a bike.
Now, Preye was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mom that he wanted to go to church. Preye's mother thought her plan had worked, as Preye looked very sad.
"Just be home in time for dinner," Preye's mother told him.
Preye walked down the street to the church on the corner.
Little Preye went into the church and up to the altar. He looked around to see if anyone was there. Preye bent down and picked up a statue of the Mary. He slipped the statue under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the street, into the house, and up to his room. He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen. Preye began to write his letter to God.
Letter 5
God,
I'VE KIDNAPPED YOUR MAMA . IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE!!!!!!!! !!
The hit man.
Preye
I know it's an old joke but still a clssic! lol.
His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted.
"Mom, I want a bike for my birthday." Little Preye was a bit of a troublemaker.
He had gotten into trouble at school and at home.
Preye's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday. Little Preye, of course, thought he did.
Preye's mother wanted Preye to reflect on his behavior over the last year.
"Go to your room, Preye, and think about how you have behaved this year.
Then write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike for your birthday."
Little Preye stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter.
Letter 1
Dear God, I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday.
I want a red one.
Your friend,
Preye.
Preye knew that this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year, so he tore up the letter and started over.
Letter 2
Dear God,
This is your friend Preye. I have been a good boy this year and I would like a red bike for my birthday.
Thank you.
Your friend Preye
Preye knew that this wasn't true either. So, he tore
up the letter and started again.
Letter 3
Dear God,
I have been an "OK "boy this year. I still would
really like a bike for my birthday.
Preye
Preye knew he could not send this letter to God either. So, Preye wrote a fourth letter.
Letter 4
God,
I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry. I will be a good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday.
Please!
Thank you,
Preye
Preye knew , even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a bike.
Now, Preye was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mom that he wanted to go to church. Preye's mother thought her plan had worked, as Preye looked very sad.
"Just be home in time for dinner," Preye's mother told him.
Preye walked down the street to the church on the corner.
Little Preye went into the church and up to the altar. He looked around to see if anyone was there. Preye bent down and picked up a statue of the Mary. He slipped the statue under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the street, into the house, and up to his room. He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen. Preye began to write his letter to God.
Letter 5
God,
I'VE KIDNAPPED YOUR MAMA . IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE!!!!!!!! !!
The hit man.
Preye
I know it's an old joke but still a clssic! lol.
Friday, June 26, 2009
Michael Jackson update
Update. 3:24pm. 26/6/09
Michael's family have been briefed with the autopsy report. Now the chief coroner is briefing the press on the result.
He said the cause of death has been deferred due to the fact that additional tests need to be done (Toxicology tests, etc), he said the result of this test will be in four to six weeks. He said there was no external trauma or foul play, however, the police are carrying out a private investigation as to what really happened. He also said prior to his death, Michael had no heart problem/condition but was on some prescription drugs.
Michael's body will be released to his family at 6pm today.
The name of the Cardiologist has now been revealed as Dr. Conrad Murray.
Update. 1:02pm. 26/06/09
According to the 911 tape that was just released, the Cardiologist was apparently there with Michael when he collapsed. He, had according to the 911 caller, had given him (Michael) CPR and some form of medical attention. When the dispatcher asked the 911 caller if anyone had seen what happened before Michael collapsed, the caller repeated the question to the Cardiologist who ignored the question and asked them to hurry.
The Cardiologist was the only person with Michael when he collapsed... before the 911 caller made the call.
Update 10:10am. 26/06/09
A cardiologist who had been treating Michael until recently is missing. His car, a silver BMW, which was parked in Michael's home has been impounded and towed by the Police because they think he may know why Michael had a Cardiac arrest. People are wondering why the Cardiologist hasn't showed up yet, wondering why he didn't go back to pick up his car and why he hasn't contacted the police yet.Update: 06/26/09. 8:00am
LA county Coroner said the autopsy (Toxicology and extensive exam) to Michael's death will begin in a few minutes. They want to find out why he had the cardiac arrest.
MJ's former attorney claim Michael had been abusing prescription drugs and warned him and his family about it but they ignored him.
A lot of people are mourning this music icon. People are gathered everywhere..Hollywood walk of fame, outside the UCLA Medical center, almost every store is playing his music. People are crying, P.Diddy couldn't believe it when he heard it yesterday, Beyonce was very touched, Cher, Donner Sommer, a lot of stars have been making comments about him on TV, it's unbelievable.
I wonder if he wrote a will. I wonder who will take custody of his kids? We know his ex-wife promised to have nothing to do with his 2 kids but what about the 3rd one,blanket? Since the identity of Blanket's mum is unknown, I guess....his Mom, Janet or...I dont know who, will take custody of his three kids.
Michael's family have been briefed with the autopsy report. Now the chief coroner is briefing the press on the result.
He said the cause of death has been deferred due to the fact that additional tests need to be done (Toxicology tests, etc), he said the result of this test will be in four to six weeks. He said there was no external trauma or foul play, however, the police are carrying out a private investigation as to what really happened. He also said prior to his death, Michael had no heart problem/condition but was on some prescription drugs.
Michael's body will be released to his family at 6pm today.
The name of the Cardiologist has now been revealed as Dr. Conrad Murray.
Update. 1:02pm. 26/06/09
According to the 911 tape that was just released, the Cardiologist was apparently there with Michael when he collapsed. He, had according to the 911 caller, had given him (Michael) CPR and some form of medical attention. When the dispatcher asked the 911 caller if anyone had seen what happened before Michael collapsed, the caller repeated the question to the Cardiologist who ignored the question and asked them to hurry.
The Cardiologist was the only person with Michael when he collapsed... before the 911 caller made the call.
Update 10:10am. 26/06/09
A cardiologist who had been treating Michael until recently is missing. His car, a silver BMW, which was parked in Michael's home has been impounded and towed by the Police because they think he may know why Michael had a Cardiac arrest. People are wondering why the Cardiologist hasn't showed up yet, wondering why he didn't go back to pick up his car and why he hasn't contacted the police yet.Update: 06/26/09. 8:00am
LA county Coroner said the autopsy (Toxicology and extensive exam) to Michael's death will begin in a few minutes. They want to find out why he had the cardiac arrest.
MJ's former attorney claim Michael had been abusing prescription drugs and warned him and his family about it but they ignored him.
A lot of people are mourning this music icon. People are gathered everywhere..Hollywood walk of fame, outside the UCLA Medical center, almost every store is playing his music. People are crying, P.Diddy couldn't believe it when he heard it yesterday, Beyonce was very touched, Cher, Donner Sommer, a lot of stars have been making comments about him on TV, it's unbelievable.
I wonder if he wrote a will. I wonder who will take custody of his kids? We know his ex-wife promised to have nothing to do with his 2 kids but what about the 3rd one,blanket? Since the identity of Blanket's mum is unknown, I guess....his Mom, Janet or...I dont know who, will take custody of his three kids.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Michael Jackson is dead!
Wow, it's.....I don't know what word to use. I was in bed when I got the message that Michael was dead. I jumped out of bed and quickly turned the TV on, and there it was, the Living legend....the legend is dead! MJ the King of the world is gone!!! Wow! It still doesn't feel real. He is....was the only musician who is...was known all over the world. He is....was known in every part of the world even in the deepest/bushest village in Africa. The man is....was....I am speechless right now.
I got a message from my sister, Laura, on face book to call her cos she couldn't believe it was real. She couldn't believe someone like him could die, but, C'est la vie.
We are all shocked about this turn of event, putting into consideration his comeback concert he had been preparing for in London. Wow!!!
Geez, what a loss to humanity!
The king of POP IS DEAD!!!
May his soul rest in Peace.
Farrah Fawcett too. Na wa o! I wonder if she got to marry her long term partner before she died. I know he proposed to her recently but I don't know if they got to tie the knots before she died. May her soul rest in peace as well!
ALIYAH DIED ON THE 25TH OF AUGUST,JAMES BROWN DIED ON THE 25TH OF DECEMBER, NOW FARRAH FAWCETT AND MICHAEL JACKSON BOTH DIED ON THE 25TH OF JUNE.
Mmmmm, this date, 25th, na wa o!
It's 10:15pm now in L.A. and there are soooooooooooooo many people gathered outside of Michael's home, The Apollo and outside UCLA Medical centre where he was pronounced dead.
I am currently watching Larry King Live on CNN and one of the reporters just reported that cops are taking/confiscating some of Michael's properties. The reporter said she asked one of the cops why they were taking Michael's things away but they declined to comment. Na wa o. I wonder what's going on.
I'll keep u updated as I get new info.
Update: 10:43pm. Michael's body is now being transported to where an autopsy will be performed on his body.
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