1-1-11

It's the beginning of a new year and beginning of many goodies in 2011.

May we keep our New year resolutions for more than 1 day and may this year be a year of happiness and joy to EVERYONE!

Happy New Year people!!!

Keenan Cahill and 50 cent Down on me

I have been listening to this song for the past 5 weeks, I even hear it in my sleep, lol. 50 cent is VERY popular dont get me wrong,but Keenan made this song popular. Very few people had heard the song before Keenan did his youtube video of it. He even has more hits on his video than the original by 50 Cent and Jeremiah, lol.

Also watched him on Chelsea Handler's show, he is 15, single and such a cutie, lol.

Enjoy!


Oh did I metnion it's my phone ringtone and my alarm tone, lol.

Laura Ikeji Fitness Instructor

My younger sister- Laura Ikeji is a dance and fitness instructor. She's moved her dance and aerobics classes to a new fitness centre - Fitness Options Health Centre. Fitness Options Health Centre is located at 18, Ahmed Jimoh Street, off Ekololu street, Surulere. Lagos.


Laura's dance and fitness classes take place three times a week and registration is N8,000 per month.

For contact details call Laura on- 08025862471.
Email add: ikejilaura@gmail.com or follow her on twitter.com/lauraikeji or add her on facebook: facebook.com/lauraikeji

Ufeoma Ejenobor's alleged assault

Some weeks back, I heard that Nollywood actress, Ufuoma Ejeanobor was attacked by Lagos state House of Assembly men.I felt sorry for her until I watched this video.

Haba! The Deputy Commissioner of Police tried calming her down yet she refused to lisen, wetin happen!!!
Even if your Dad was the President of the world wouldnt you listen to an older person with authority??? The guy kept trying to calm her down yet she kept acting like an Agbero. Na wa o! ..and she is supposed to be a celebrity/role model???? I bow o!

On second thoughts

Recently I received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. I tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else I could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary.

Finally, I was fed up and I yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. I shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. So, in desperation, I threw up my hands, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer.

For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed.. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute.
Fearing that I'd hurt the parrot, I quickly opened the door to the freezer.

The parrot calmly stepped out onto my outstretched arm and said, "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."

I was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As I was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued, "May I ask what the turkey did?"


HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO ALL!!!

Brand new magazine launches into Nigerian fashion space

Mannequin Magazine, the novel editorial fashion magazine for women has hit the streets of Lagos bringing with it an edge – one of style, fashion, entertainment and exposure.

Having a strong fashion background from working with reputable fashion giants, the likes of GAP, Topshop, Bank and Republic, in organizing fashion shows as well as its vast experience with stylists and photographers in the industry, Mannequin aims to set a different kind of standard in Nigerian fashion editorials.



With its slogan – ‘Dream It. Change It. Work It’, Mannequin believes in the empowerment and perfection of women with fashion being a major part. The magazine’s intention is to guide readers accordingly, updating them with the latest trends and news, offering inspiration and encouraging growth in almost all spheres of their lives. Mannequin’s belief is that fashion is not just in the clothes a woman wears but how they are worn, how she carries herself and how she lives.

Mannequin Magazine boasts of being Nigeria's first real fashion magazine and aims to be the ultimate African fashion bible. In order to do this, the magazine comes in a handy size, which fits right into a handbag and comes out monthly.

Having been present in the Nigerian online blogging and web space for over a year, the magazine’s website has a daily traffic of over 230,000 hits.

The first, “Nouveau” issue launched on October 1st, 2010 with Miss Nigeria, Cynthia Omorodion, Studio 53 Extra’s Eku Edewor and female rap artist Mo'Cheddah on the cover. These women are the new power figures in their various fields, modeling, fashion and television and music respectively. The official launch is billed to take place on the October 10, 2010, (10.10.10) at an exclusive venue in the high-brow area of Victoria Island, Lagos.

Mannequin Magazine costs N700 and is available throughout Lagos with plans of reaching other states in Nigeria within a few months. The web address is www.mannequin-magazine.com

Prank of the week

I know this might be old, but it is very very funny.

CATHOLIC COFFEE

Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee.


The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he
walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."

The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a
room people call him 'Your Grace'."


The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a
room everyone says 'Your Eminence'."


The fourth Catholic man then says, "My son is the Pope. When he walks
into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."


Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four
men give her a subtle, "Well....?"
She proudly replies, "I have a daughter,


slim,


tall,


38D breast,


24" waist and


34" hips.


When she walks into a room, people say, "Oh My God."

Rugby fanatic or what?

Man said to wife

"Right you sexy thing, upstairs now"

She looked at him and said:

"Ooh, you kinky bastard"

He said "No, seriously, the rugby's starting, now f*#k off'


Exceptional moment, lol. ROTFLMAO!!!

Paddy

Paddy needed money. He went to playground, grabbed a kid, and said, “I’ve kidnapped u."
He wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped ur kid.Tomorrow,put £10,000 in a bag put it by the tree in the playground. Signed, Irishman."

He then pinned the note to the kid and sent him home.

The next morning paddy checked. A paper bag was there with the £10,000 inside, with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Irishman?"

The State trooper and the speeder

I got this joke from someone who likes to read my blog/jokes. Thanks Anonymous! Enjoy people!

A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership.

Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-75, pushing the pedal even more.

Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a Florida State Trooper, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this!" and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.

Pulling in behind him, the trooper got out of his vehicle and walked up to the Corvette. He looked at his watch, then said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a new reason for speeding--a reason I've never before heard--I'll let you go."


The old gentleman paused then said: "Three years ago, my wife ran off with a State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."

"Have a good day, Sir," replied the trooper.

Laugh out loud

Nude Runner

A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work. One rainy day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway.

'Oh my God - Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband's home early!'

'I cannot jump out the window. It is raining out there!'

'If my husband catches us in here, he will kill us both!' she replied.

'He has got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your
problems!'

So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window! As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon, so he started running along beside the others, about 300 of them..

Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in as best he could. After a little while a small group of runners who had been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer.

Do you always run in the nude?' one asked.

'Oh yes!' he replied, gasping in air. 'It feels so wonderfully free!'

Another runner moved a long side. 'Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm?'

'Oh, yes' our friend answered breathlessly. 'That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!'

Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and asked, 'Do you always wear a condom when you run?'

'Nope...just when it is raining.'




The Blonde and the Ventriloquist

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show
in a small town in Oklahoma. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes.

Suddenly, a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting, 'I've heard enough of your stupid ass blonde jokes! What makes you think you can stereotype women that way?

What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being?

It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general and all in the name of humor!

The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells, 'You stay out of this, mister!

I'm talking to that miserable idiot on your knee!"

The obedient wife

There was a man, who had worked all his life, had saved all of his money, & was a real miser when it came to spending it.

Just before he died, he said to his wife,"When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I worked for it, it's mine and I want to take it to the afterlife with me."

And so he got his wife to promise him, with all of her heart, that when he died, she would put all of his money into the casket with him.

Well, he died.

He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there - dressed in black, and her friend was sitting next to her.

When they finished the ceremony, and just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said,

"Wait just a moment!"

She had a small metal box with her; she came over with the box and put it into the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down and they rolled it away.

Her friend sitting with her said, "Girl, surely you were not foolish enough to put all that money in there with your husband?."

The loyal wife replied, "Listen, I'm an obedient wife and that was my
dear husband's last wish; I cannot go back on my word. I promised him that I would put all his money into the casket with him."

"You mean to tell me you buried all that money in the casket !?!?!?"

"I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account, and wrote him a cheque.... If he can cash it, then he can spend it!"

Linda Ikeji's book, It takes you

My sister's book 'It takes you' is out...yaaaaay!!!



An official book launch/presentation has been scheduled for -

Date: Wednesday May 5th 2010
Venue: Theatre 5, Genesis Deluxe Cinema, The Palms, Lekki. Lagos, Nigeria.
Time: 5pm

Book signing session – Saturday May 8th, 2010
Venue: The Hub Media Store, The Palms, Lekki, Lagos, Nigeria
Time: 2pm

Check out the full detail on Linda's blog, www.lindaikeji.blogspot.com

Tiger's New Sponsors

Lie detector

John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual
gimmicks. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to
change.

One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It
was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector. It was
about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son, returned
home from school. Tommy was over 2 hours late.

"Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?"
asked John.

"Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project,"
said Tommy.

The robot walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him
completely out of his chair.

"Son," said John, "this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you
really were after school."

"We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie." said Tommy.

"What did you watch?" asked Marsha.

"The Ten Commandments." answered Tommy.

The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him
off his chair.

With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, "I am sorry I
lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen."

"I am ashamed of you son," said John. "When I was your age, I never
lied to my parents."

The robot walked around to John and delivered a whack that nearly
knocked him out of his chair..

Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears and said, "Boy, did
you ever ask for that one! You can't be too mad with Tommy. After all,
he is your son!"

The robot walked around to Marsha and knocked her out of her chair.

Awesome pictures

Marriage Humor

Wife: 'What are you doing?'

Husband: Nothing.

Wife: 'Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.'

Husband: 'I was looking for the expiration date.'

-------------------------------

Wife : 'Do you want dinner?'

Husband: 'Sure! What are my choices?'

Wife: 'Yes or no.'
-------------------------------------

Wife: 'You always carry my photo in your wallet.. Why?'

Hubby: 'When there is a problem, no matter how great, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.'

Wife: 'You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?'

Hubby: 'Yes! I see your picture and ask myself what other problem can there be greater than this one?'

--------------------------------------------------------

Stress Reliever

Girl: 'When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.'

Boy: 'It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.'

Girl: 'Well that's because we aren't married yet.'

------------------------------

Son: 'Mum, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.'

Mom: 'Well, you have done the right thing...'

Son: 'But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.'

________________________________

A newly married man asked his wife, 'Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?'

'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!'

------------------------------------------------------------

Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.

The guy replies: 'Thanks for the early warning.'

-------------------------------

A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?'

He looked at her from head to toe and replied: 'I like your sense of humor!'


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Husbands are husbands

A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him on the
head with a frying pan.
'What was that for?' the man asked.
The wife replied 'That was for the piece of paper with the name Sally on
it that I found in your pants pocket'.
The man then said 'When I was at the races last week Sally was the name
of the horse I bet on'
The wife apologized and went on with the housework.
Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the
head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious.
Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again.
Wife replied. 'Your horse phoned'

Irish jokes

Paddy & Mick go to London to donate sperm. It was a disaster!
Paddy missed the tube & Mick came on the bus!!

A Muslim was sitting next to Paddy on a plane. Paddy ordered a whiskey. The stewardess asked the Muslim if he'd like a drink.
He replied in disgust 'I'd rather be r*ped by a dozen whor*s than let liquor touch my lips!'
Paddy handed his drink back & said 'Me too, I didnt know we had a choice!'

Paddy calls Easyjet to book a flight. The operator asks 'How many people are flying with you?'
Paddy replies 'I dont know! Its your f***ing plane!!'

Two Irish couples decided to swap partners for the night. After 3 hours of amazing sex Paddy says 'I wonder how the girls are getting on'

Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night. She undresses & lies on the bed spreadeagled & says 'You know what I want don't you?'
'Yeah,' says Paddy. 'The whole fr*ggin' bed by the looks of it!'

Q. Whats a Catholic priest & a pint of Guiness got in common?
A. black coat, white collar & you've got to watch your ar*e if you get a dodgy one!

Paddy the electrician got sacked from the U.S. prison service for not servicing the electric chair. He said in his professional opinion it was a brooodily death trap!

Paddy's chat up lines:
1. Did ya f*rt? 'Cos ya just blew me away!
2. Are your parents retarded? 'Cos your special!
3. My love for you is like diarrhoea. I just cant hold it in!
4. Is there a mirror in your kn*ckers? 'Cos I can see myself in them!
5. Your body reminds me of a spanner. Everytime I think of you my nuts tighten up!
6. You might not be the best looking girl in here, but beauty is only a light switch away!

Paddy & his wife are lying in bed & the neighbour's dog is barking like mad in the garden. Paddy says 'To hell with this!' & storms off..
He comes back upstairs 5 mins later & his wife asks 'What did you do?'
Paddy replies I've put the dog in our garden, lets see how they like it!'

Mick & Paddy are reading head stones at a nearby cemetery. Mick say 'Crikey! Theres a bloke here who was 152!'
Paddy says 'Whats his name?'
Mick replies 'Miles from London !'

An Irishman is rowing his boat in a field of hay. Paddy drives past & stops. He looks at the Irishman in the boat & shouts 'Its thick twits like you that give us Irish a bad name! I'd come over there & kick the f**k out of you if I could swim!'

Golf update

A man goes out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green.

He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, "Ribbit 9 Iron."

The man looks around and doesn't see anyone. Again, he hears, "Ribbit 9 iron." He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts the club away, and grabs a 9 iron. Boom! He hits it 10 inches from the cup. He is shocked. He says to the frog, "Wow that's amazing. You must be a lucky frog, eh?" The frog replies, "Ribbit lucky frog."

The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole. "What do you think frog?" the man asks. "Ribbit 3 wood." The guy takes out a 3 wood and Boom! Hole in one. The man is befuddled and doesn't know what to say. By the end of the day, the man golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the frog, "OK where to next?"

The frog replies, "Ribbit Las Vegas ."

They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, "OK frog, now what?" The frog says, "Ribbit Roulette."

Upon approaching the roulette table, the man asks, "What do you think I should bet?"

The frog replies, "Ribbit $3000, black 6."

Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game the man figures what the heck. Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table.

The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel. He sits the frog down and says, "Frog, I don't know how to repay you. You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful."

The frog replies, "Ribbit Kiss Me."

He figures why not, since after all the frog did for him, he deserves it.

With a kiss, the frog turns into a gorgeous girl.

"And that is how the girl ended up in my room, Elin. So help me God or my name is not Tiger Woods."

Bullet proof clothes

This is so awesome!!!

I got this from VBS.TV
Read on -- Colombian tailor Miguel Caballero specializes in making garments that enable the wearer to get shot at point-blank range with nary an injury besides, maybe, a bruised ego. At-high-risk-of-catching-a-bullet demographics, such as rappers and politicians all over the world, rely on Miguel's handiwork. And, lucky me, when I was recently in Bogota for VBS.TV covering a few stories, I had the chance to visit Miguel's shop, learn about his protective clothing, and get shot in the gut by him. Seriously.

Check this out

Pants on the ground

Decided to have fun with 'General' Larry Platt's song 'Pants on the Ground'.
Enjoy and crack yourself up, lol.




For those who didn't watch the 'Pants on the ground' performance on American Idol, this is General Larry Platt, the 'Pants on the ground' crooner.



This is the current most popular song in the US. General Platt's song now has several types of remix on youtube,it is played on the radio and everywhere else. People are making money off this 62 year old man, putting pictures of his face on mugs, Tshirts etc but he isn't getting a dime out of it.

He needs a copyrighter ASAP, that's what he needs, lol.

Meet me at the coffee shop

I couldn't stop watching this video, I laughed so hard each time I shed tears, lol.
Enjoy!

Check for Alzheimer's

Pretty Amazing.

The following was developed as a mental age assessment by the School of Psychiatry at Harvard University Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake.

The average person over 40 years of age cannot do it!

1. This is this cat.
2. This is is cat.
3. This is how cat.
4. This is to cat.
5. This is keep cat.
6. This is an cat.
7. This is old cat.
8. This is fart cat.
9. This is busy cat.
10. This is for cat.
11. This is forty cat.
12. This is seconds cat.

Now go back and read the third word in each line from the top down and I
betcha' you'll have a good laugh.

Choosing a wife

A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

The first does a total make over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.

The man was impressed.


The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.

Again, the man is impressed.


The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.

Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.



Then, he married the one with the biggest boobs!


Men are like that, you know, lol.