Jokes

Two wives go out for girls night.
Both got drunk, started walking home and had to pee. They stopped at a cemetery but had nothing to wipe with. One used her panties the other grabbed a wreath off a grave.
The next morning one husband called the other and said "no more girls night out! my wife came back with no panties." the other husband said "you think that's bad? mine came back with a card in her butt that read 'from all of us at the fire station- we'll never forget you.
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A retired man goes to the social security office to apply for SS.
The clerk asks him for his identification but he forgot it at home. The clerk says, "Unbutton your shirt."
The man thought the clerk's request was a bit odd but he unbuttoned anyway.
The clerk says, "Ok you're approved. The white hairs on your chest are enough proof for me." The man returns home and tells his wife about his experience.
The wife says, "You should've dropped your pants. You would've gotten disability too"
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‎2 kids in a hospital outside the operating room, 1st kid asks, "What are you in here for?" 2nd kid says, "getting my tonsils out, I'm a little nervous. 1st kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was 4. They put you to sleep, when you wake up they give you ice cream. " 2nd kid asks, "What are you here for?"1st kid says, "circumcision." "Whoa!", the 2nd kid replies. "Good luck buddy. I had that done when I was born. Couldn't walk for a year!
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A man is driving down a road. A woman is driving down the same road from the opposite direction. As they pass each other, the woman leans out the window and yells "PIG!!" The man immediately leans out his window and yells, "BITCH!!" They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next curve, he crashes into a huge pig in the middle of the road.

MORAL OF THE STORY: If only men would listen..