DO YOU EAT CHOCOLATE?

I think i have posted something similar to this post before, however, i am putting it up again for those who missed it the first time.

A warning!

DO YOU EAT CHOCOLATE?

We were raised on chocolate as kids and even into adulthood. I will never eat it again. I hope from now on you will throw yours away whenever you are given any . It seems as though nothing is safe to eat anymore. This is what happens when you eat chocolate! This is a warning. It could happen to you......or them.

Be careful Chocolate can cause small feet !!

Newcastle United Stock

I thought this was funny, so i posted it. lol. No offense to Newcastle fans. Lol.

In a survey of UK football fans, Newcastle fans have proved to be the most likely to have had sex in the shower!

In the survey, carried out for a leading toiletries firm, 86% of Newcastle fans said that they have enjoyed sex in the shower.

The other 14% said they hadn't been to prison yet.

Hahaha.

Nigeria: Mysterious loss of a Penis

Hey everyone, i read this story on afrik.com and couldn't resist to share it with y'all. Hilarious, but may be true. lol.

Motor bike Taxi drivers from Gwagwalada, a small locality close to Abuja in the middle of Nigeria, have gathered to protest against a client they accuse of using pigeons to steal penises.

According to the national news agency - News Agency of Nigeria (NAN), the suspect’s last victim is a 35 year old Motor Bike Taxi driver named Musa Abubakar who dragged the suspect to the police station where he accused him of stealing his penis. The suspect denies all accusations.

Abubakar was very serious in his statement to the police when he declared that, Mohammed Ma’aji, his passenger had stolen his “family jewels” with the help of a white “spiritual pigeon” hidden in his bag. This spiritual pigeon, according to him, was wearing a small black tie around its neck.

"I drove this man to three different places. On our way back to our point of departure, he squeezed his legs tightly around me which made feel sick and weak immediately”, he said to the police.

"I therefore stopped riding to have a look in my trousers and it was gone !", he continued, precising that the pigeon had turned black. To him, there is no doubt about the passenger’s involvement in the disappearance of his penis. “a policeman appeared on the scene when i started screaming to call the attention of my mates”

Mohammed Ma’aji denies all the accusations: "I already have one, what do you want me to do with his?... concerning the pigeon, a holy man gave it to me to hand it over to a poor man", he said. "it is likely that Abubakar lost his penis yesterday evening with a woman ", he continued.

In a very serious tone, the Gwagwalada police chief said his men were trying to get the object of crime.

And even more seriously the local transport union of motoclyclists have threatened to take the case to court if the pigeon did not give back the missing penis to its owner in 24 hours.

Rumours of genital organ theft by “witches” used to be/are frequent in Nigeria as well as other countries in the region where “juju”, an older version of voodoo, is practiced

Congratulations to JLo and Marc Anthony

Jennifer Lopez and husband Marc Anthony became the parents of twins early this morning in a New York-area hospital, according to People magazine, which reportedly paid upward of $6 million for the photo rights.

The boy and girl, delivered in a Long Island, New York, hospital, were the first for the 38-year-old actress and singer, whose efforts to become pregnant have filled tabloid pages in the past few years, now her most desired dream has come true. She has been doubly blessed. After so many years, she now has a child of each sex (male and female). Very very cool. Marc Anthony, a 39-year-old salsa singer, has a daughter and two sons from two previous relationships. (Marc as 'ugly muche-che' as he is, now has five children from three different women,mmmm)

Congratulations mommy JLo!!! I am sooooooo excited for JLo!!!

Halle Berry is next!!! I am so so so so so so so so excited for her as well.

More jokes

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is atwork.
Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them, and hides in the bedroom cupboard to watch.
Just after getting into bed the woman's husband also comes home.She puts her lover in the cupboard, not realising that the little boyis in there already.
After a little while the little boy says, 'Dark in here.'
The man, who obviously got a real fright not expecting to hear anything let alone from a little boy says, 'Yes, it is.'
Boy - 'I have a football.'
Man - 'That's nice.'
Boy - 'Want to buy it?'
Man - 'No, thanks.'
Boy - 'My dad's outside.'
Man - 'OK, how much?'
Boy - '£250'
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the cupboard together.
Boy - 'Dark in here.'
Man - 'Yes, it is.'
Boy - 'I have football boots.'
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, 'Ok how much this time ?'
Boy - '£350'Man - 'Sold.'
A few days later, the boys' father says to the boy,'Grab your boots and football, let's go outside and have a game of soccer.
The boy says, 'I can't, I sold my ball and boots.'
The father asks, 'How much did you sell them for?'
Boy - 'To a friend of mine for a £600.'
The father says, 'That's a terrible thing overcharging your friend like that'
That's four times what they cost when they were new, I'm going to take you to church and make you confess your terrible sin.'
They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, 'Dark in here'.
The priest says, 'Don't start that sh* t again you little pr*ck,you're in my f...... cupboard now'!!
****************************************************************
The missing cock
A priest in a small rural town was very fond of the ten chickens and one handsome cock rooster he kept in a hen house behind the rectory.
One Saturday night the priest discovered that the cock rooster was missing.
At the same time the priest heard rumors of cockfights being held in town.
Shocked and dismayed, he decided to say something during Sunday Mass.
During Mass he asked the congregation, "Who among you will confess to sporting a handsome cock?"
All the men stood up.
"No, no," he said. "That's not what I mean. Who among you will confess to having seen a handsome cock?"
All the women stood up.
"Oh, no," he said. " That's not what I mean, either.
Who among you will confess to having seen a cock that doesn't belong to you?"
Half the women stood up.
"Oh Lord," he said. "Perhaps I should rephrase the question:
Has anybody here seen my cock?"
All the choirboys stood up
****************************************************************
Old lady biker
A little old Lady had always wanted to join a local biker club, so one
day she goes up and knocks on the door. A big, hairy bearded biker with
tattoos all over his arms answers.

She proclaims, "I want to join your club."

The guy was amused, but says she needs to meet certain biker
requirements in order to join. The biker asks; "Do you have a
motorcycle?

The little old lady replies, Yep...my bike's parked over there", and
points to a flamed black Harley chopper in the driveway.

The biker asks, "Do you drink?"

The little old lady replies, "Yep...drink like a fish. I'll drink any
man in your club under the table."

The biker asks, "Do you smoke?"

The little old lady replies, "Yep...smoke like a chimney. At least 4
packs of cigarettes and three joints a day and a couple of cigars in the
evening, while I'm shooting pool."

The biker is very impressed and asks, "Last question, have you ever been
picked up by the fuzz?"

The little old lady thinks for a minute and says, "Nope ... but I've been
swung around by my nipples a few times."
****************************************************
Out With The Boys
A man was approached by a co-worker at lunch who invited him out for a few beers after work. The man said that his wife would never go for it, that she does not allow him to go drinking with the guys after work. The co-worker suggested a way to overcome that problem: "When you get home tonight, sneak into the house, slide down under the sheets, gently pull down your wife's panties, and give her oral sex. Woman love it, and believe me, she'll never mention that you were out late with the boys."
So the man agreed to try it, and went out and enjoyed himself. Late that night he sneaked into the house, slid down under the sheets, gently slid down his wife's panties, and gave her oral sex. She moaned and groaned with pleasure, but after a little while, he realized he had to take a leak , so he told her he'd be right back, got out of bed and walked down the hall to the bathroom. When he opened the door and went in, he was very suprised to see his wife sitting on the john.
"How did you get in here?" he asked
"Shhhh!!!" she replied, "you'll wake-up my mother!"
***********************************************************
Weight loss
A six-year-old walks into the kitchen where his mom is preparing a meal and says, "Mom, the last few nights I have woke up to this thumping noise coming out of your bedroom and when I look to see what it is, you're sitting on top of dad and bouncing up and down. Why are you doing that?"
The startled mother recovers quickly and says, "Your dad is a little overweight and I'm trying to get him back to normal size. I bounce on him to get all the air out of him."

The little kid just shakes his head and says, "Mom, you're wasting your time, because, once a week, that nice looking lady next door comes over and blows him back up.
************************************************************
Farting problem
There was an old married couple that had happily lived together for nearly forty years. The only friction in their marriage was caused by the husband's habit of breaking wind nearly every morning as he awoke. The noise would always wake up his wife and the smell would cause her eyes to water as she would choke and gasp for air.
Nearly every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping one in the morning. He told her that he couldn't help it. She begged him to see a doctor to see if anything could be done but the husband wouldn't hear of it.
He told her that it was just a natural bodily function and then he would laugh in her face as she tried to wave the fumes away with her hands. She told him that there was nothing natural about it and if he didn't stop, he was one day going to "fart his guts out".
The years went by and the wife continued to suffer and the husband continued to ignore her warnings about "farting his guts out" until one Thanksgiving morning.
Before dawn, the wife went downstairs to prepare the family feast. She
fixed pumpkin pie, mashed potatoes, gravy and of course a turkey. While
she was
taking out the turkey's innards, a thought occurred to the wife as to how she might solve her husbands problem.
With a devilish grin on her face, she placed the turkey guts into a bowl and quietly walked upstairs hours before her flatulent husband would awake.
While he was still soundly asleep, she pulled back the covers and then gently pulled back her husband's jockey shorts. She then placed all of the turkey guts into her husband's underwear, pulled them up, replaced the covers and tiptoed back downstairs to finish preparing the family meal.
Several hours later she heard her husband awake with his normal loud ass-trumpeting. This was soon followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as her husband ran to the upstairs bathroom. The wife could not control herself and her eyes began to tear up as she rolled on the floor laughing. After years of putting up with him she had finally gotten even.
About 20 minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his blood stained underpants with a look of horror in his eyes. She bit her lip to keep from laughing and she asked him what was the matter. He said, "Honey, you were right-all those years you warned me and I didn't listen to you."
"What do you mean?" asked his wife.
"Well you always told me that I would end up farting my guts out one of these days and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God and these two fingers, I think I got'em all back in."
************************************************************
Sleeping in church

One day Mr. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at his church.
"Reverend," he said, "I have a problem; my wife keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing. What should I do?"
"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this pin with you. I'll be able to tell when she's sleeping, and I will motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give her a good poke in the leg with the pin."
In church the following Sunday, Mrs. Jones dozed off. Noticing this, the preacher put his plan to work. "...And who made the ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mr. Jones.
"Jesus!" cried Mrs. Jones as her husband jabbed her in the leg with the pin.
"Yes, you are right, Mrs. Jones," said the minister.
Soon, Mrs. Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed her dozing. "Who is your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards Mr. Jones.
"God!" cried out Mrs. Jones as she was stuck again with the pin once again.
"Right again, Mrs. Jones," said the minister, smiling and continuing his sermon.
Before long, Mrs. Jones dozed off again. However, this time the minister didn't notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few motions that Mr. Jones mistook as signals to wake his wife again.
He was just sticking his wife with the pin again when the minister asked, "...And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him his 99th son?"
Mrs. Jones shrieked, "You stick that damned thing in me one more time and I'll break it off and shove it up your ass!

Things that are difficult to say when drunk

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Anaesthetist
4. Cinnamon
5. Chrysanthemum

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. Rhipidistian-Amphibian Transition
3. Anti-constitutionalistically
4. Transubstantiate
5. Sphygmomanometer

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
01. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
02. Nope, no more booze for me.
03. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
04. Mac Donalds? No thanks, I'm not hungry.
05. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
06. Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.
07. I'm not interested in fighting you.
08. Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no coordination. I'd hate to look like a fool.
09. Where is the nearest toilet? I refuse to hurl in the street.
10. I must be going home now as I have work in the morning.

jokes

11 Signs You're Crazy About Someone

Eleven: You walk really slowly when you're with them.
Ten: You feel shy whenever they're around.
Nine: You smile when you hear their voice.
Eight: When you look at them,you can't see the other people around you, you just see him/her.
Six: They're all you think about.
Five: You realize you're always smiling when you're looking at them.
Four: You would do anything for them, just to see them.
Three: While reading this, there was one person on your mind this whole time.
Two: You were so busy thinking about that person, you didn't notice seven was missing.
One: You just scrolled up to check and are now silently laughing at yourself. Now make a wish. You know you want to...
------------------------------------------------------------------
FARMER'S DAUGHTERS
A small town farmer had three daughters. Being a single father, he
tended to be a little overprotective of his daughters. When gentlemen
came to take his daughters out on a date, he would greet them with a
shotgun to make sure they knew who was boss.

One evening, all of his daughters were going out on dates. The
doorbell rang, the farmer got his shotgun, and answered the door. A
gentlemen said,

Hi, I'm Joe,
I'm here for Flo,
We're going' to the show,
Is she ready to go?

The farmer frowned but decided to let them go.
The doorbell rang again, the farmer got his shotgun, and answered the
door. A gentleman said,

Hi, I'm Eddie,
I'm here for Betty,
We're getting' spaghetti,
Is she ready?

The farmer frowned but decided to let them go.
The doorbell rang again, the farmer got his shotgun, and answered the
door. A gentleman said,

Hi, I'm Chuck,

And the farmer shot him.
______________________________________________________
Two little kids, aged six and eight, decide it's time to learn how to swear. So, the eight-year-old says to the six-year-old, "Okay, you say `ass' and I'll say `hell'."
All excited about their plan, they troop downstairs, where their mother asks them what they'd like for breakfast.
"Aw, hell," says the eight-year-old, "gimme some Cheerios."
His mother backhands him off the stool, sending him bawling out of the room, and turns to the younger brother. "What'll you have?"
"I dunno," quavers the six-year-old, "but you can bet your ass it ain't gonna be Cheerios!"
_______________________________________________________
A guy walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I want you to give me 12-year scotch, and don't try to fool me because I can tell the difference."
The bartender is skeptical and decides to try to trick the man with 5-year scotch. The man takes a sip, scowls and says, "Bartender, this crap is 5-year scotch. I told you I want 12-year scotch."
The bartender tries once more with 8-year scotch. The man takes a sip, grimaces and says, "Bartender, I don't want 8-year scotch like this filth. Give me 12-year scotch!"
Impressed, the bartender gets the 12-year scotch, the man takes a sip and sighs, "Ah, now that's the real thing."
A disgusting, grimy, stinking drunk has been watching all this with great interest. He stumbles over and sets a glass down in front of the man and says, "Hey, I think that's really far out what you can do. Try this one."
The man takes a sip and immediately spits out the liquid and cries, "Yechhh! This stuff tastes like piss!" The drunk's eyes light up and he says, "Yeah, now how old am I?"
___________________________________________________

The frog and the Endowed
A guy goes to see the doctor, because he's been a little too well endowed, shall we say. In fact, it's 25 inches long. Can't get any women to have sex with him. No men either, one would think. Anyway, the doctor says there's nothing he can do medically, but sends him to see a witch that he thinks might be able to help.
The witch takes a look at the problem (yikes!) and tells him to go to a particular pond, deep in the forest, and talk to a frog that lives there.
"Ask the frog to marry you and each time the frog says no, you'll be 5 inches shorter."
Worth a try, he thinks, and off he dashes into the forest, as anyone in this sort of joke would. Finds the pond and sees the frog on the other side, sitting on a log. "Will you marry me?" he calls to the frog.
Frog looks at him, disinterested at best, and calls back, "No."
Guy looks down, sure enough, he's 5 inches shorter. Hey, this is great, he thinks -- let's try that again. "Will you marry me?" he asks the frog.
Frog rolls his eyes, and shouts back again, "No!"
Twitch -- the guy's down to 15 inches. Well that's still a bit excessive, he thinks.
Down another 5 would be perfect. So he calls across again,
"Will you marry me?"
Frog yells back, "Look - how many times do I have to tell you?
No. No. NO!"
*************************************************
A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father...

She stands next to the barber chair, eating a Twinkie snack cake while her dad gets his hair cut.

The barber smiles down at her and says, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your Twinkie."

"I know," she replies. "I'm gonna get tits, too!"

Nominated by UN as the best Poem of 2006 - Written by an African Kid

Hey y'all, i saw this nice poem written by an African Kid and decided to share it. This poem was actually nominated by UN as the best poem in 2006. Enjoy!

When I born, I black
When I grow up, I black
When I go in Sun, I black
When I scared, I black
When I sick, I black
And when I die, I still black.

And you white fellow

When you born, you pink
When you grow up, you white
When you go in sun, you red
When you cold, you blue
When you scared, you yellow
When you sick, you green
And when you die, you grey.

And you calling me colored?

More little Johnny stories

LITTLE JOHNNY ON... PHILOSOPHY
A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little JOHNNY . He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."
Then Little Johnnysays, "I have a question for YOU.
There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.
The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone.
The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone." To which Little Johnny replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
*********************************************************************
Little Johnny's next door neighbor had a baby. Unfortunately, the little baby was born with no ears.When they arrived home from the hospital,the parents invited Little Johnny's family to come over and see their new baby.
Little Johnny's parents were very afraid their son would have a wisecrack to say about the baby. So, Little Johnny's dad had a long talk with Little Johnny before going to the neighbors.
He said "Now, son...that poor baby was born without any ears. I want you to be on your best behavior and not say one word about his ears, or I'm really going to spank your butt when we get back home."
"I promise not to mention his ears at all." said Little Johnny.
At the neighbor's home, Little Johnny leaned over the crib and touched the baby's hand.
He looked at its mother and said "Oh, what a beautiful little baby!"The mother, who had braced herself for Johnny's comment, was pleasantly surprised and said "Thank you very much, Little Johnny."
He then said "This baby has perfect little hands and perfect little feet.Why...just look at his pretty little eyes...Did his doctor say he can see good?"
The mother said a bit bewildered, hesitantly replies "Why, yes...his doctor said he has 20/20 vision, why do you ask? Little Johnny said, "Well, it's a good thing, cause he sure as hell can't wear glasses."
-------------------------------------------------
Little Johnny walked into the kitchen, saw his mother making a cake and announced, "I'll be playing in my room for the next two hours. I sure would like a piece of cake when you're finished."
Later, when his mother brought him a piece of cooled cake, Little Johnny exclaimed, "Golly, it worked!"
Puzzled, his mother asked, "What do you mean?"
Little Johnny replied, "Daddy said that in order to get a piece around here, you have to spend a couple of hours playing first!"

----------------------------------------------
The kindergartners were now in the first grade. Their teacher wanted them to be more grown up since they were no longer in kindergarten.

She told them to use grown-up words instead of baby words.
She then asked them to tell her what they did during the summer.
The first little one said he went to see his Nana. The teacher said, "No,No, you went to see your grandmother. Use the grown-up word."
The next little one said she went for a trip on a choo-choo.
The teacher again said, "No, No, you went on a trip on a train.
That's the grown-up word."
Then the teacher asked the third one, Little Johnny, what he did during the summer. He proudly stated that he read a book. The teacher asked what book he had read. Johnny puffed out is chest and in a very adult way replied, "Winnie the Shit."
---------------------------------------------------------------
One day little Johnny went to his father, and asked him if he could buy him a $200 bicycle for his birthday.
Johnny's father said, "Johnny, we have a $80,000 mortgage on the house, and you want me to buy you a bicycle?
Wait until Christmas."
Christmas came around, and Johnny asked again.The father said, "Well, the mortgage is still extremely high, sorry about that. Ask me again some other time."
Well, about 2 days later, the boy was seen walking out of the house with all his belongings in a suitcase.
The father asked him why he was leaving. The boy said, "Yesterday I was walking past your room, and I heard you say that you were pulling out, and mommy said that you should wait because she was coming too, and DAMN if I'll get stuck with an $80,000 mortgage!"
------------------------------------------
Little Johnny had a cussing problem and his father was getting tired of it. He decided to ask his shrink what to do. The shrink said that since Christmas was coming up that he should ask Johnny what he wanted Santa to bring him. If he cussed he should leave a pile of dog shit in place of the gift.
Two days before Christmas Johnny's dad asked Johnny what he wanted. Johnny said, "I want a goddamned teddy-bear laying right fuckin here beside me when I wake-up Christmas morning. Then, when I go downstairs, I want to see a motherfuckin'
train going around the goddamned tree, and when I go outside want to see a red-assed fuckin' bike leaning up against the damn garage!"
Christmas morning, Little Johnny woke up and rolled over into a big pile of dog shit. Confused, he walked downstairs and saw a bunch of dog shit around the Christmas tree. Scratching his head, he walked outside and saw a huge pile of dog shit by the garage.
When he walked back inside with a curious look on his face, his dad smiled and asked, "So Johnny, what did Santa bring you this year?"

Johnny replied, "I think I got a goddamned dog but I can't find the son of a bitch."
-------------------------------------------------
Little Johnny and Susie are only 10 years old, but they just know that they are in love. One day they decided that they want to get married, so Johnny decided to approach Susie's father to ask him for her hand. Johnny bravely walked up to him and said, "Mr.Smith, me and Susie are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."
Thinking that this was the cutest thing ever, Mr. Smith replied, "Well, Johnny, you are only 10.
Where will you two live?"
Without even taking a moment to think about it, Johnny replied, "In Susie's room, of course.
It's bigger than mine and we can both fit our stuff in there nicely."
Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith said with a huge grin, "Okay then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job, you'll need to support Susie."
Again, Johnny instantly replied, "Our allowance - Susie makes 5 bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week.
That's about 60 bucks a month, and that should do us just fine."
By this time Mr. Smith is a little shocked that Johnny had put so much thought into his proposal.
So, Mr. Smith thought for a moment, as he tried to come up with something that Johnny wouldn't know how to answer, After all a 10 year old little boy couldnt have thought of everything.
After another moment, Mr. Smith said, "Well Johnny, it seems like you have got everything all figured out.
I just have one more question for you.
What will you do if the two of you should have little ones of your own?"
Johnny just shrugged his shoulders and said, "Well, we've been lucky so far..."
-------------------------------------------------
DEER MEAT
A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner.
Both he and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess.
The kids were eager to know what the meat was on their plates, so they begged their dad for the clue.
Well, he said, 'It's what mommy calls me sometimes'.
The little girl screams to her brother
'Don't eat it, it's an asshole...

Camel toe and rhino toe

What is the difference between a

and a......

Now, think before you answer,
think.....think.....think.

If you don't know the answer, scroll down
and I will show you, the difference.

*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*

This is a

*
*
*
*
*

*
*
*
*

*

*

.....and this is a

So now you know, and from this day forward you will be able to differentiate between the two.

QUIZ TIME

How daft can some people be? Find out in the following questions that were asked. Some answers were 'stupidly funny', while others were just........ DAFT! Pls read on. Enjoy!

Jeremy Paxman: What is another name for "cherrypickers" and "cheesemongers"?
Contestant: Homosexuals.
Paxman: No. There are regiments in the British Army who will be very upset with you.

Big Quiz (LBC)
Gary King- Name the funny men who once entertained kings and queens at court.
Contestant- Lepers.

Quizmania (ITV)
Greg Scott- We're looking for an occupation beginning with T.
Contestant- Doctor.
Scott- No, it's 'T. 'T for Tommy. 'T for Tango. 'T for Tintinnabulation.
Contestant- Oh, right . . . (pause) ... Doctor.

Danny Kelly Show (RADIO WM)
Kelly- Which French Mediterranean town hosts a famous film festival every year?
Contestant-I don't know, I need a clue.
Kelly- OK. What do beans come in?
Contestant- Cartons?

Beg, Borrow or Steal (BBC2)
Jamie Theakston- Where do you think Cambridge University is?
Contestant- Geography isn't my strong point.
Theakston- There's a clue in the title.
Contestant- Leicester.

BBC Norfolk
Stewart White- Who had a worldwide hit with What A WonderfulWorld?
Contestant-I don't know.
White- I'll give you some clues- what do you call the part between your hand and your elbow?Contestant-Arm.
White- Correct. And if you're not weak, you're . . .?
Contestant-Strong.
White- Correct and what was Lord Mountbatten's first name?
Contestant- Louis.
White- Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the song 'What A Wonderful World'?
Contestant- Frank Sinatra?

Late Show (BBC Midlands)
Alex Trelinski- What is the capital of Italy?
Contestant- France.
Trelinski- France is another country. Try again.
Contestant-Oh, um, Benidorm.
Trelinski- Wrong, sorry, let's try another question. In which country is the Parthenon
Contestant- Sorry, I don't know.
Trelinski- Just guess a country then.
Contestant-Paris.

The Weakest Link (BBC2)
Anne Robinson- Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have all written books about their experiences in what prison, or the Conservative Party?
Contestant-The Conservative Party.

University Challenge
Bamber Gascoigne -What was Gandhi's first name?
Contestant- Goosey, goosey

Richard and Judy
Question- How many metres are there in a kilometre?
Answer- Three.

GWR FM (Bristol)
Presenter- What happened in Dallas on November 22,1963?
Contestant- I don't know, I wasn't watching it then.

Talksport
Andy Townsend- How many wheels does a tricycle have?
Caller- Two.
Townsend- The Beatles were known as the Fab ...?
Caller- Five.

Richard and Judy
Question- Which Danish city is famous for its statue of a mermaid?
Answer- Denmark.

RTE Radio 2FM (Ireland)
Presenter- What is the name of the long-running TV comedy show about pensioners, 'Last Of The...?
Caller- Mohicans

Quizmania
Greg Scott- We're looking for a word that goes in front of 'clock'.
Contestant-Grandfather.
Scott- Grandfather clock is already up there, say something else.
Contestant-Panda.

Phil Wood Show (BBC Radio 1 Manchester)
Phil- What is 11 squared?
Contestant-I don't know.
Phil- I'll give you a clue. It's two ones with a two in the middle.
Contestant-Is it five?

Richard and Judy
Question- Which American actor is married to Nicole Kidman?
Answer- Forrest Gump.

Who Wants to be a Millionaire?
Tarrant (asking the audience)- 'Jambon is the French for which food?
Audience- 11 per cent said jam.

Richard and Judy
Question - On which street did Sherlock Holmes live?
Contestant -Er...
Question - He makes bread...
Contestant- Er...
Question - He makes cakes...
Contestant- Kipling Street?

Nation Vacation (Nation 217 TV)
Presenter- Which of these is a city in Germany- Hanoi, Hanover or Hangover?
Contestant-Hanoi.

Magic 52 (North-East England)
Presenter- In which year was President Kennedy assassinated?
Contestant-Erm...
Presenter- Well let's put it this way .. he didn't see 1964
Contestant-1965?

Simply the Best
Phil Tufnell- How many Olympic games have been held?
Contestant- Six
Phil Tufnell- Higher!
Contestant- Five.

Richard and Judy
Question- What's the Prince of Wale's Christian name?
Answer- Err... Question- Here's a clue- he was married toDiana.
Answer- Err...
Question- It begins with a 'C.
Answer- No idea.

Fort Boyard (Challenge TV)
Jodie Marsh- Arrange these two groups of letters to form a word CHED and PIT.
Team- Chedpit.

Lincs FM Phone-in
Presenter- Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?
Contestant- Barcelona.
Presenter- I was really after the country.
Contestant- I'm sorry I really don't know any countries in Spain.

Radio 1 Early Morning Show
Presenter- How many toes do 3 people have in total?
Contestant- 23

Bob Hope Birthday Quiz
Presenter- Bob Hope was the fifth of how many sons?
Contestant- Four.

Breakfast Show, Radio 1
Chris Moyles- Which 'S word is a kind of whale that can grow up to 80 Tonnes?
Contestant- Ummmmm.
Chris Moyles- It begins with 'S and rhymes with 'perm.
Contestant- Shark

Notts and Crosses quiz (BBC Radio Nottingham)
Jeff Owen- In which country is Mount Everest?
Contestant- (long pause)- Er, it's not in Scotland, is it?

The Mick Girdler Show (BBC Radio Solent)
Girdler- I'm looking for an island in the Atlantic whose name includes the letter E.
Contestant- Ghana.
Girdler- No, listen. It's an island in the Atlantic Ocean.
Contestant- New Zealand.

National Lottery (BBC1)
Question- What is the world's largest continent?
Contestant- The Pacific

Rock FM (Preston)
Presenter- Name a film starring Bob Hoskins that is also the name of a famous painting by Leonardo Da Vinci.
Contestant- Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

The Biggest Game in Town (ITV)
Steve Le Fevre- What was signed to bring World War I to an end in 1918?
Contestant- Magna Carta.

James O'Brien Show (LBC)
O'Brien- How many kings of England have been called Henry?
Contestant- Er, well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth... er... er... three?

National Lottery
Eamonn Holmes- There are three states of matter- solid, liquid and what?
Contestant - Jelly.

Dave Lee Travis Show (Breeze FM)
DLT- In which European country are there people called Walloons?
Contestant- Wales.

Paul Wappat (BBC Radio Newcastle)
Paul Wappat- How long did the Six-Day War between Egypt and Israel last?
Contestant- (after long pause)- Fourteen days.

Brainteaser (Channel 5)
Presenter- Which literary hunchback lived in Notre Dame and fell in love with Esmeralda?
Contestant- Nostradamus.

National Lottery
Eamonn Holmes- Dizzy Gillespie is famous for playing... what?
Contestant- Basketball.

Noughts and Crosses Quiz
Jeff Owen- Where did the D-Day landings take place?
Contestant- (after pause)- Pearl Harbor?

See Hear Saturday (BBC2)
Presenter- What country does the spiritual leader the Dalai Lama come from?
Contestant- Scotland.

Richard Allinson Show (Radio 2)
Allinson- What international brand shares its name with the Greek goddess of victory
Contestant- (after long deliberation)- Erm, Kelloggs?

Blind Date (ITV)
Girl- Name a book written by Jane Austen.
Boy- Charlotte Bronte.

Steve Penk Breakfast Show (Virgin Radio)
Steve Penk- What is the name of the French-speaking Canadian state?
Contestant- America?... Portugal?... Canada?... Mexico?...Italy?... Spain?

Chris Searle Show (BBC Radio Bristol)
Searle- In which European country is Mount Etna?
Caller- Japan.
Searle- I did say which European country, so in case you didn't hear that, I can let you try again.
Caller- Er... Mexico?

The Big Quiz, LBC
Gary King- Who was Mary Arden's famous son?
Contestant- Can I have a clue?
Gary King- Yes. He was famous around the Globe.
Contestant- Bill Gates.

Janice Forsyth Show (BBC Radio Scotland)
Janice Forsyth- What is the currency in India?
Contestant- Ramadan.

Daryl Denham's Drivetime (Virgin Radio)
Daryl Dertham- In which country would you spend shekels?
Contestant- Holland?
Daryl Dertham-Try the next letter of the alphabet.
Contestant- Iceland?... Ireland?
Daryl Dertham (helpfully)- It's a bad line. Did you say Israel?
Contestant- No.

Phil Wood Show (BBC GMR)
Wood- What 'K word could be described as the Islamic Bible?
Contestant- Er...
Wood- It's got two syllables... Kor...
Contestant- Blimey?
Wood- Ha ha ha ha, no. The past participle of run...
Contestant- (Silence)
Wood- OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I...
Contestant- Walked?

Owen Money Show (BBC Radio Wales)
Owen Money- In 30 seconds, name as many well-known politicians as you can.
Caller- Er, Tony Brown and Nigel Benn. (Silence.)

Kelly Today (ITV) Lorraine Kelly- How many days in a leap year?
Contestant- 253.

The Vault
Gabby Logan- What is the county town of Kent?
Contestant- Kentish Town?

Dog Eat Dog (BBC1)
Ulrika Jonsson- Who wrote Lord of the Rings?
Contestant- Enid Blyton.

National Lottery
Dale Winton- Skegness is a seaside resort on the coast of which sea - a) Irish Sea, b) English Channel, c) North Sea?
Contestant- Oh, I know that, you can start writing out the cheque now, Dale. It's on the east coast, so it must be the Irish Sea.

Steve Wright in the Afternoon (BBC Radio 2)
Wright- Johnny Weisssmuller died on this day. Which jungle swinging character clad only in a loin cloth did he play?
Contestant- Jesus.

Angelina Jolie is pregnant again, Heath Legder's death

Mmmmm, just heard on the news that Angelina Jolie is pregnant again. Also heard she is expecting twins. If it's true... Good for her!!!

Congratulations to her and her babies daddy, Brad Pitt.

It's a pity about Heath Ledger. Different stories are now emerging about how he may have died, but these, will not bring him back to life.

May his soul rest in peace. Amen.

WHY CHINA IS AHEAD OF USA IN SCIENCE AND MATH

Class Photo: Shanghai University

Class Photo: University of Colorado

Any questions?

Happy new year ya'll

Happy new year all.

We thank God for a new year and for giving us the privilege to see this new year.

May our new year resolutions be kept this year. All of u who make resoultions and break them few days later should let ur resolutions last at least.... till the end of January. Hahaha.

Happy new year y'all!!!

African Roulette

President Clinton was being entertained by an African leader. They'd spent the day discussing what the country had received from the Russians before the new government kicked them out.

"The Russians built us a power plant, a highway, and an airport. Plus we learned to drink vodka and play Russian roulette."

President Clinton frowned. "Russian roulette's not a friendly, nice game."

The African leader smiled. "That's why we developed African roulette. If you want to have good relations with our country, you'll have to play. I'll show you how."

He pushed a buzzer, and a moment later six magnificently built, nude women were ushered in."You can choose any one of those women to give you oral sex," he told Clinton.

This gained Clinton's immediate attention, and he was ready to make his choice, when a thought occurred to him. "How on earth is this related to Russian roulette?"

The African leader said "One of them is a cannibal."

Which one is blonde?

Okay............here it is. A test to see if your brain is still working.

Which one do you think is the blonde?

Answer is shown below :

The blonde is the only one with her right leg up.

You are very observant and I'm very proud of you!

British Teacher Update.

British teacher, Gillian Gibbons has been pardoned by the Sudanese president. (1 hour ago)

She has been held for eight days and i am sure she will be very relieved to regain her freedom.

Her release was made possible by two British peers, Baroness and Lord Ahmed. These two muslims who represented British muslims managed to secure Mrs Gillian's release on their own. They talked to the Sudanese president, muslim to muslim and succeded this morning.

Gillian says she is sad to be leaving Sudan and thanks the authority for treating her well.

She has now been released (9:50am, Nigerian time) and will be on her way back to Britain in a short while from now.

Warren Buffet

There was a one hour interview on CNBC with Warren Buffet, the second richest man who has donated $31 billion to charity.

Here are some very interesting aspects of his life:

1. He bought his first share of stock at age 11 and he now regrets that he started too late!

2. He bought a small farm at age 14 with savings from delivering newspapers.

3. He still lives in the same, small 3-bedroom house in midtown Omaha that he bought after he got married 50 years ago. He says that he has everything he needs in that house. His house does not have a wall or a fence.

4. He drives his own car everywhere and does not have a driver or security people around him. 5. He never travels by private jet, although he owns the world's largest private jet company.

6. His company, Berkshire Hathaway, owns 63 companies.
He writes only one letter each year to the CEO's of these companies, giving them goals for the year. He never holds meetings or calls them on a regular basis. He has given his CEO's only two rules.
Rule number 1: Do not lose any of your shareholder's money.
Rule number 2: Do not forget rule number 1.
7. He does not socialize with the high society crowd. His pastime after he gets home is to make himself some popcorn and watch television.
8. Bill Gates, the world's richest man, met him for the first time only 5 years ago. Bill Gates did not think he had anything in common with Warren Buffet. So, he had scheduled his meeting only for half hour. But when Gates met him, the meeting lasted for ten hours and Bill Gates became a devotee of Warren Buffet.
9. Warren Buffet does not carry a cell phone, nor has a computer on his desk.

His advice to young people: 'Stay away from credit cards and invest in yourself and remember ' :

A. Money doesn't create man, but it is the man who created money.

B. Live your life as simple as you are.

C. Don't do what others say. Just listen to them, but do what makes you feel good.

D. Don't go on brand name. Wear those things in which you feel comfortable.

E. Don't waste your money on unnecessary things. Spend on those who really are in need.

F. After all, it's your life. Why give others the chance to rule your life'.

Is this guy amazing or what?

A lot of rich, stuck-up people should learn from this great man!!

British Teacher to recieve forty lashes

A British teacher in Sudan, Gillian Gibbons, who went there to help the Sudanese people was sentenced to forty lashes of the cane for allowing her students name a teddy bear 'Muhammad'. Wonders shall never end. The sentence is now 15 days imprisonment.

In September, Mrs Gibbons, 54, allowed her class of primary school pupils to name the teddy bear Muhammad as part of a study of animals and their habitats.
The court heard that she was arrested on Sunday after another member of staff at Unity High School complained to the Ministry of Education.

She had been accused on three counts of insulting religion, inciting hatred and showing contempt for religious beliefs.

They said she will be jailed for fifteen days for insulting their religion and will be deported after serving her term.

The British government, through a Sudanese lawyer, are trying to apeeal, but so far, they have not suceeded.

Me, i am making no further comment on this before they will whoop me 100 lashes. lol. Dem never born dem! Lol.

Richard wins Big Brother Africa 2.

Tanzania's Richard Bezuidenhout has won Big Brother Africa II. "Don't say nothing, dawg". Lol.

Richard had a fantastic time in the house, fell in love or lust with Tatiana, had several fights with his housemates( mainly because he didn't want to share Tatiana with them), survived nomination five times and eventually won the grande prize of $100 000.

His brother and sister were there to welcome him. However, his wife Ricky, wasn't there to welcome him, which was no surprise.

Tatiana went on stage to congratulate Richard, hugged his brother and sister, then continued the celebration with her fellow 1o housemates. Lerato, Meryl, Ofunneka, Justice, Jeff, Code and his girlfriend, Kweku, Bertha, Maxwell and Maureen.

Nigeria's Ofunneka Molokwu took second place, with Tatiana Durao of Angola coming in third.

Richard received votes from Botswana, Kenya, Namibia, South Africa, Tanzania, Uganda, Zimbabwe. Ghana, Malawi, Nigeria, Zambia and the rest of Africa voted for Ofunneka, while Tatiana received Angola's vote.

Richard entertained everyone who watched BBA II. He was a fantastic entertainer and his game plan paid off. Lol.

Congratulations man!!!

Names!!!

This joke might be an old one, but it is still funny. Enjoy

Knott: Who's calling?
Watt: Watt.
Knott: What is your name, please?
Watt: Watt's my name.
Knott: That's what I asked you. What's you name?
Watt: That's what I told you. Watt's my name.

A long pause, and then from Watt,

Watt: Is this James Brown?
Knott: No, this is Knott.
Watt: Please tell me you name.
Knott: Will Knott.
Watt: Why not?
Knott: Huh? What do you mean why not?
Watt: Yeah! Why won' you tell me your name?
Knott: But I told you my name!
Watt: Didn't you say you will not?
Knott: Not not, Knott, Will Knott!
Watt: That's what I mean.
Knott: So you know my name.
Watt: Of course not!
Knott: Good. So now, what is yours?
Watt: Watt. Yours?
Knott: Your name!
Watt: Watt's my name.
Knott: How the hell do I know? I am asking you!
Watt: Look. I have been very patient and I have told you my name and you have not even told me yours.
Knott: You have been patient, what about me? I have told you my name so many times and it is you who have not told me yours.
Watt: Of course not!
Knott: See, you even know my name!
Watt: Of course not!
Knott: Then why do you keep saying of course Knott?
Watt: Because I don't.

Pause

Knott: What is your name?
Watt: See, you know my name!
Knott: Of course not!
Watt: Then why do you keep asking. Watt is your name?
Knott: To find out your name!
Watt: But you already know it!
Knott: What?
Watt: See, and you know mine!
Knott: Of course not!
Watt: Exactly!
Knott: Listen, listen, wait; If I asked you what you name is, what will be you answer?
Watt: Watt's my name.
Knott: No, no, give me only one word.
Watt: Watt
Knott: You name!
Watt: Right!

Pause before it hits him

Knott: Oh, Wright!
Watt: Yeah!
Knott: So why you didn't you say it before?
Watt: I told you so many times!
Knott: You never said Wright before.
Watt: Of course I did.
Knott: Ok I won't argue any more. Do you know my name?
Watt: I do not.
Knott: Well, there you go, now we know each other's name.
Watt: I do not!
Knott: Good!

Pause before it hits him

Watt: Oh, Guud!
Knott: Good.
Watt: No wonder, it took me so long, is that Dutch?
Knott: No, it's Knott.
Watt: Oh, ok. At least the names are clear now Guud.
Knot: Yes Wright.

Deadly spider.

Please take note of this spider - it is very dangerous. Please warn kids and everyone u know!

This guy was infected by this spider

This is how it looked on Day 5.

Day 6.

Day 9

Day 10.

This spider is breeding at a rapid rate and is found in more and more South-African houses!!!

THINGS YOU NEVER KNEW YOUR CELL PHONE COULD DO

There are a few things that can be done in times of grave emergencies. Your mobile phone can actually be a life saver or an emergency tool for survival. Check out the things that you can do with it.

1

EMERGENCY

The Emergency Number worldwide for Mobile phone is 112. If you find yourself out of coverage area of your mobile network and there is an emergency, dial 11 and the mobile will search any existing network to establish the emergency number for you, and interestingly this number 112 can be dialed even if the keypad is locked. Try it out.

2

Have you locked your keys in the car? Does you car have remote keys? This may come in handy someday.
Good reason to own a cell phone: If you lock your keys in the car and the spare keys are at home, call someone at home on their cell phone from your cell phone. Hold your cell phone about a foot from your car door and have the person at your home press the unlock button, holding it near the mobile phone on their end. Your car will unlock. Saves someone from having to drive your keys to you. Distance is no object. You could be hundreds of miles away, and if you can reach someone who has the other "remote" for your car, you can unlock the doors (or the trunk).

3

Hidden Battery power.

Imagine your cell battery is very low , you are expecting an important call and you don't have a charger. Nokia instrument comes with a reserve battery.

To activate, press the keys *3370# Your cell will restart with this reserve and the instrument will show a 50% increase in battery. This reserve will get charged when you charge your cell next time.

4.

How to disable a STOLEN mobile phone?

To check your Mobile phone's serial number, key in the following digits on your phone: * # 0 6 #. (Star sign, hash sign,zero,six and hash sign) .A 15 digit code will appear on the screen. This number is unique to your handset. Write it down and keep it somewhere safe. when your phone gets stolen, you can phone your service provider and give them this code. They will then be able to block your handset so even if the thief changes the SIM card, your phone will be totally useless. You probably won't get your phone back, but at least you know that whoever stole it can't use/sell it either.

If everybody does this, there would be no point in people stealing mobile phones.

Lucky Dube is Dead. SHOCKING!!!

I just heard the most shocking news today.

I heard Lucky Dube, one of the world's most talented reggae artistes has bn killed.

He was attacked by armed robbers yesterday, 18th Oct. 2007, in Rosettenville, Johannesburg, South Africa and got killed in the process.

I don't have the full detail yet. Will update when i do. This is really shocking!!!!

I am shaking. It's so so so sad. What is happening? What's really going on in Africa? I am lost for words.

Exciting weekend

Hey people, i had a fun holiday. I started partying from Thursday till yesterday.

Last week was the end of fast, for our muslim brothers and sisters, so thursday and friday were public holidays here.

And guess what people? I met Excited Jade and Tayo Odukoya yesterday. It was nice to meet them in person. I think we all had fun during our karaoke session yesterday. I sang like an angel in disguise. Lol. Tayo sang beautifully and Linda, my beautiful sister with the 'angelic' voice did very well too. Lol.

This is me playing pool at a get-together party yesterday.

Linda and i sang like 'angels' with ..... voices,lol. Having angelic voice runs in the family, ask Tayo and Excited Jade. LoL.

It is the beginning of a new week.

Enjoy the week ahead people.

Kisses. Mmmmauh!!!

Marion Jones

It is a pity about Marion Jones. She eventually admitted that she used performance enhancing drugs to win her last race. This confession came out as a shock.

Her five medals have been stripped off her, but, what about the money that came with these medals? Would she have to give the monies back as well? Will the medals be given to her runner-ups? What will happen?

Her court case has been adjourned to the 31st of January 2008.

My question however is , why now? What made her confess after all this time of keeping mum? Did she confess to someone who threatened to leak the story? Was she been blackmailed and decided to end the black mail by owning up? I just don't understand.

She was one of the world's greatest female athlete, and i am sure she would have won her races without those drugs.

She knows best.

2 Face Idibia

LEAVE TUFACE IDIBIA ALONE.

People should leave this hard working young man alone. Is it a crime to be handsome, have a fantastic voice and be blessed, all at the same time? No be God?!!

They tried to kill him two years ago in the name of an 'armed robbery' attempt, but didn't succeed. The young man was hospitalised for a long time, but eventually recovered.

Now, he's making waves all over the world. He's getting international awards etc, all over the world, but typical 'bad belle' Nigerians won't let him enjoy the fruit of his labour.

The blessed and most talented singer in Africa just arrived on Thursday(4Th Oct. 2007) from London, where he was nominated at the Mobo awards. He is scheduled to perform in Canada this month and Namibia in November but bad belle people are apparently unhappy about his success. So they thought that the best way to stop his shine was to kill him by attacking him again on Thursday night on his way from the airport.

The guy(2face) arrived from London to Nigeria on Thursday night, was in his car with a few of his friends and on his way to his Festac home, when all of a sudden, three guys who posed as 'armed robbers' stopped his car. They asked him and other occupants in the car to disembark. However, as 2face was about to open the door, one of the guys shot at him, but fortunately, the pellet hit his thigh. The lucky guy(2face) was saved from been fatally wounded 'cos he had his laptop on his thighs when he was shot, so it(the laptop) took most of the pressure of the bullet. The laptop wasn't taken, no money was demanded from them, no phone was stolen, nothing. So what did they want?

Anyways, Mr 2face 'the cat' Idibia is currently recovering at the hospital.

Nobody can stop his shine. Nothing dey Happen!

He has come to stay!! Yes O!!!

But like Classy babe and a few of my friends have said, i would advise him to relocate to a better country where he can live in Peace, without having to watch his back all the time.

Nigerian hell

A man died & goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country and decides he'll pick the least painful to spend his eternity.
He goes to the German hell & asks, "What do they do here?"
He is told "first they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day”. The man does not like the sound of that at all so he moves on.
He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all similar to the German hell.
Then he comes to the Nigerian hell and finds that there is a long queue of people waiting to get in...Amazed, he asks, "What do they do here?"
He is told "first they put you in an electric chair for an hour, then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. The Nigerian devil comes in & whips you for the rest of the day."
But that is exactly the same as all the other hells, why are there so many people waiting to get in?" asks the man.
A concerned fellow calls him aside and said,"Because there is never any electricity, the electric chair doesn't work.The nails were paid for but were never supplied by the contractor, so the bed is comfortable to sleep on.And the Nigerian devil used to be a civil servant,so he comes in, signs his time sheet and goes back home for other business!!"

Random News

Inquest into the deaths of Princess Diana and Dodi Al Fayed starts today.

Members of the jury consists of six women and five men. The inquest will take about six months.

It is said that no one is on trial,but that the inquest is about getting the truth and dispel random suspicion. Princess Diana's sister( Lady Sarah) was at the court today to represent her, a lawyer (I can't remember his name now) was there to represent Princes Harry and William while Mohammed Al Fayed was there for his son. He thinks they were murdered and he hopes Justice will prevail and the murderer(s) of his son and Lady Di be brought to book. There are 68 witnesses instead of the 12 the judge talked about. The investigators want to question as many people as possible. They also want to question Prince Charles and the Queen but the Queen is above the law and may not be questioned.
It's been ten years and i doubt if they will capture the culprits(if it was murder).

The members of jury would be flown to Paris. When they get there, they go to the Ritz hotel and would be driven along the same road Lady Di and Dodi did the day both of them died. This is would be done before evidence(s) would be presented.

Some unaswered questions people are asking are:
-If you were a person such as Dodi, would YOU let a "drunk" person drive you and your girlfriend?
-If the driver was so drunk, why didn't the bodyguard warn Dodi of the driver's condition?
-A close friend of Dodi told a British Arabic newspaper that the couple did indeed intended to marry that year. Could this have been the cause?
-Was Princess Diana three months pregnant?
Was there another car near the Mercedes which -Diana and the others were in that hit it in some way?
-Was a chemical slick put on the roadway within the tunnel?
-Was there disinformation planted throughout the world (and does it continue)?

Amazing:

A 17 year old boy has admitted to killing 12 year old Kamilah Peniston who was shot in the head on the 31st of April this year. He said he killed the girl with her mother's hand gun. He said he killed her with one shot to the head at close range. What stunned me was when i heard that the 17 year old is Kasha Peniston, her own brother. God Abeg O!

Kamilah's mother, Natasha Peniston admitted to keeping the illegal weapon in the house.

The full story is that, before Natasha Peniston left for a funeral, she told her son Kasha who was 16 at that time that there was a gun in the garden and he shouldn't touch it. As soon as the mother left, Kasha went to the garden and took the handgun. He went back into the living room where his 12 year old sister(Kasha) and his 8 year old twin sisters were and started waving the gun. He said placed the gun on Kasha's forehead and the gun went off while he was playing with it. He immediately lifted her on his arms and ran outside crying for neighbours to call an ambulance. An ambulance came and whisked Kasha to the ER but she gave up the struggle the following day, May 1st 2007. He pleaded guilty to Man slaughter this morning and will be sentenced on the 31st of October, 2007.

Mistaken identity

A 27 year old man has been killed by the British police. The man was shot 7 times in the head after being wrongly identified by someone as a terrorist.

Steven Gerrard involved in a car accident.

Liverpool captain, Steven Gerrard was involved in an accident where he hit a ten year old boy with his car. Steven was very upset that the child was hit. His spokesman, (who i am sure wasn't there when the accident occurred) said the child jumped in front of Steven's car when he was about to cross the street, without looking first. However, thankfully, the boy wasn't really hurt, i think he broke his leg or grazed it. Na dem sabi.

Britney Spears and K-Fed

Britney Spears has been told by a Jugde in California to hand over her kids to her ex husband, K-fed. He has been given temporary custody of the kids due to an alleged hit and run accident by Britney which took place after she had been dropped by her former mgt.

She drove without a valid driver's licence and was seen driving like crazy with her kids in the car. Britney's mum and K-Fed are very close. She is on the side of Kevin cos she says her primary interest is for the safety of her grand kids. Britney has now filed to have a driver's licence and is waiting to know how long Kevin would have custody of their two sons.

On a funny note:

Remember that advert where Paris Hilton wore a hot black swim suit, washing a car and eating a burger?Well this a replica of that advert. This is a Paris Hilton wanna-be. Y'all.

Happy Independence Day Nigeria

Today is a public holiday, hippeee!!! I have had a long weekend which i have enjoyed very much.No work till tomorow..Cool.

Nigeria is 47 years Old today and how's our economy like?......mmm... Don't want to dwell on negative thoughts this morning. O se aaro. Too early in the day 2 do that.

This is for all those who think they are geniuses.
Good luck and be honest.

WORLD'S EASIEST QUIZ
(Passing requires 4 correct answers)
Please answer all questions before scrolling down for the answers.

1) How long did the Hundred Years' War last?

2) Which country makes Panama hats?

3) From which animal do we get catgut?

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?

5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?

7) What was King George VI's first name?

8) What color is a purple finch?

9) Where are Chinese Gooseberries from?

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?


All done?
Remember, you need 4 correct answers to pass. Check your answers below.






ANSWERS TO THE QUIZ
(Passing requires 4 correct answers)

1) How long did the Hundred Years War last? 116 years

2) Which country makes Panama hats? Ecuador

3) From which animal do we get cat gut? Sheep and Horses

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution? November

5) What is a camel's hair brush made of? Squirrel fur

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal? Dogs

7) What was King George VI's first name? Albert

8) What color is a purple finch? Crimson

9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from? New Zealand

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane? Orange, of course



What do you mean, you failed?

Me, too. (And if you try to tell me you passed, you lie!)

Happy Independence Day Nigeria.

Enjoy the rest of the week people.