What does the fox say

I have watched this video several times and even though the lyrics doesn't appeal to me, I think it's funny. It's had 48,056,703 views since it was uploaded on September 3rd 2013. It had about 30 million views within the first week it was posted. The kind of stupid things humans like wont seize to amaze me, but hey... people need a good laugh sometimes, lol. I love the beats/sound though, Enjoy The Fox by Ylvis!

Drive Thru Invisible Driver Prank

I watched this video and thought it was hilarious! I laughed my a$$ off and decided to share. LMAO!

Chad Ochocinco getting divorced after only 41 days of marriage

Evelyn Lozada is ending her 41-day-old marriage to Chad Johnson after the football star was arrested for allegedly head-butting her over the weekend.

Danika Berry, a rep for the VH1 reality star, confirmed reports that Lozada filed for divorce today, Tuesday 14th August.
Earlier, Lozada issued a statement saying Johnson — who was cut by the Miami Dolphins after the Saturday arrest — "needs help." She also said that he was lying when he told police she head-butted him.

Conan O Brien's Wieners Circle video buzzing the Internet

OMG! This is some funny ish! Lmao!!
For those who don't know, The Wieners Circle, it is a hot dog stand in the Lincoln Park neighborhood of Chicago that is very well known for the mutual verbal abuse between employees and customers. They became so popular that they got a realty show on truTV titled 'The Wiener's circle'. I started watching the show this year and love it! It's funny and vulgar.

The way employees talk to customers make you cringe but this type of service is what makes the stand popular.
Conan decided to send a nice guy to the stand and OMG..Check out how that went, lol.

Have a laff

Have a laugh. :-)

American dream

This Obodo Oyibo dream sha, choi!!! Lwkmd.

Daniel Ukoko, a 26 year old graduate of Uniben, tied the knot with 63-year-old Cynthia, an American. This wedding took place at the Warri registry in Delta State, lol. By force by force sha, lmao!!

fake scratch off tickets

I was ecstatic until it dawned on me that it could be fake, lol.

Doing the WOP

Laugh out loud

Why do men fart more than women?

Because women won’t shut up long enough to build up pressure. Classic! Lmbo!!
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A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work. One wet and lusty day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband’s car pull into the driveway.

"Oh My God! Hurry! Grab your clothes," she yelled to her lover, "and jump out the window. My husband’s home early!"
"I can’t jump out the window!" came the strangled reply from beneath the sheets. "I’m n...aked and it’s raining cats and dogs."
"If my husband catches us in here, he’ll kill us both!" she replied. "He’s got a very quick temper and a shotgun!"

So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window! As he began running down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town’s annual marathon. So he started running along beside the others, about 300 of them. Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to "blend in" as best he could. It wasn’t that effective!

After a little while, a small group of runners, who had been studying him with some curiosity, jogged closer.
"Do you always run in the nude?" one asked.
"Oh, yes!" he replied, gasping for air. "It feels so wonderfully free having the air blow over all your skin while you’re running."
Another runner moved alongside. "Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm?"
"Oh, yes!" our friend answered breathlessly. "That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!"
Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and queried. "Do you always wear a condom when you run?"
"Only when it’s raining," he replied.

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A man takes his wife to the live stock show. They start heading down the alley that house all the bulls. The sign on the first bull’s stall states: This bull mated 50 times last year." The wife turns to her husband and says, "He mated 50 times in a year, isn’t that nice!"

They proceed to the next bull and his sign stated: "This bull mated 65 times last year." The wife turns to her husband and say...s, "This one mated 65 times last year. That is over 5 times a month. You could learn from this one!"

They precede to the last bull and his sign said: "This bull mated 365 times last year." The wife’s mouth drops open and says, "WOW! He mated 365 times last year.That is ONCE A DAY!!! You could really learn from this one."

The fed up man turns to his wife and says, "Go up and inquire if he had to fuck the same cow every day."
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An ugly woman walks into a shop with her two children. She walks around the shop, picks what she wants and goes to the counter to pay.

The man behind the counter can’t help but stare at this really offensive looking woman with her two children.

She puts her shopping on the counter and as the man is scanning the items the ugly woman gets all offended by his constant staring and asks him what he i...s staring at.

The man asks whether her kids are twins.

She says "No. one is 12 the other is 7. Why ask?"

"Well......I just couldn’t believe someone would fuck you twice!"
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A man appears before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.

"Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asks.

"Well, I can think of one thing," the man offers. "Once, on a trip to the Black Hills, out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of high-testosterone bikers who were threatening a young woman. I told them to leave her alone, but they wouldn’t listen. So, I picked out the largest a...nd most heavily tattooed biker, punched him on the nose, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring and threw it on the ground, then told him, "Now, leave her alone or things are really going to get really ugly!"

St. Peter was impressed and asked "When did this happen?"

"About ten minutes ago."
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A drunk was staggering down the main street of town. Somehow he managed to make it up the stairs to the cathedral and into the building, where he crashed from pew to pew, finally making his way to a side aisle and into a confessional.

A priest had been observing the man’s sorry progress and figuring the fellow was in need of some assistance, proceeded to enter his side of the confessional. But his attention was rewarded only by a lengthy silence.

Finally he asked, "May I help you, my son?"

"I dunno," came the drunk’s voice from behind the partition. "You got any toilet paper on your side?"
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A ninety-year-old man is sitting on a park bench, sobbing, when a young man walks by and asks him what’s wrong. Through his tears the old man answers,
"I’m in love with a twenty-five-year-old woman."
"What’s wrong with that?" asks the young man.

Between his sobs and sniffles, he answers, "You don’t understand. Every morning before she goes to work, we make love... At lunchtime she comes home and ...we make love again, and then she makes my favorite meal. In the afternoon when she gets a break, she rushes home and gives me oral sex, the best an old man could want. And then at suppertime, and all night long, we make love." He breaks down, no longer able to speak.

The young man puts his arm around him. "I don’t understand. It sounds like you have the perfect relationship. Why are you crying?"

The senile old man answers, again through his tears, "I forgot where I live."

Old ladies

A little old lady went to the grocery store to buy cat food. She picked up four cans and took them to the check out counter.

The girl at the cash register said, "I'm sorry, but we cannot sell you cat food without proof that you have a cat. A lot of old people buy cat food to eat, and the management wants proof that you are buying the cat food for your cat."

The little old lady went home, picked up her cat and brought it back to the store. They sold her the cat food. The next day, she tried to buy two cans of dog food. Again the cashier said "I'm sorry, but we cannot sell you dog food without proof that you have a dog. A lot of old people buy dog food to eat, but the management wants proof that you are buying the dog food for your dog."

So she went home and brought in her dog. She then was able to buy the dog food.

The next day she brought in a box with a hole in the lid. The little old lady asked the cashier to stick her finger in the hole. The cashier said,
"No, you might have a snake in there."

The little old lady assured her that there was nothing in the box that would harm her. So the cashier put her finger into the box and pulled it out. She said to the little old lady, "That smells like sh!t."

The little old lady said, "It is. I want to buy three rolls of toilet paper."

More jokes

‎72-year-old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come back normal so the doctor says, "Harry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?"
Harry replies, "God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he's fixed it when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof!, the light goes on. When I'm done, poof!, the light goes off."
"Wow, that's incredible," the doctor says.
A little later in the day, the doctor calls Harry's wife. "Mrs. White," he says, "Harry is doing fine but I had to call you because I'm in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and poof! the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he's done, poof! the light goes off?"
"OH GOOD GRIEF!" Mrs. White exclaims, "He's peeing in the fridge again!"
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A deep-sea diver is twenty feet below sea level when he sees another guy with no scuba gear. He goes down another thirty feet, and the guy with no equipment stays with him. He takes out a waterproof chalkboard and writes, "How the hell can you stay down this deep without equipment?" The guy takes the chalkboard and writes, "You asshole, I'm drowning."
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Old joke:
Husband and wife are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while they were in bed. She turned to him and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
"No," he answered.
She then said, "Is that your final answer?"
He didn't even look at her this time, simply saying "Yes."
So she said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend.
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A blonde gets home early from shopping and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom.
She rushes upstairs to find her husband naked on the bed, sweating and panting. "What's up?" she asks. "I'm having a heart attack," cries the husband. The blonde rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as she's dialing, her four-year-old son comes up and says, "Mommy! Mommy! Aunty Shirley is hiding in your closet, and she's got no clothes on!"
The blonde slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, right past her husband, and rips open the closet door. Sure enough, there is her sister, totally naked and cowering on the closet floor. "You rotten bastard", she screams, "My husband's having a heart attack, and you're running around naked scaring the kids!!"
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Dad and his 8 year old son walk by a condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?""Condoms.""Oh,why are there 3 in this package?"The Dad replies,"For high school boys, 1 for Friday, 1 for Saturday and 1 for Sunday" "Cool". He sees a 6 pk and asks, "Then who are these for?" "For college men,2 for Friday, 2 for Saturday and 2 for Sunday." "Then who uses these?" he asks about a 12 pk. With a sigh, the Dad replied, "They are for married men, 1 for January, 1 for February..."
Hahahahahaha...

Ed the chicken

Ed came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber.

He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, 'You died in your sleep, Ed.'

Ed was stunned. 'I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!'

St. Peter said, 'I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back, and that is as a chicken.'

Ed was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home. The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking and pecking the ground.

A rooster strolled past. 'So, you're the new hen, huh? How's your first day here?'

'Not bad,' replied Ed the hen, 'but I have this strange feeling inside. Like I'm gonna explode!'

'You're ovulating,' explained the rooster. 'Don't tell me you've never laid an egg before?'

'Never,' said Ed.

'Well, just relax and let it happen,' says the rooster. 'It's no big deal.'

He did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg! He was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood. He soon laid another egg -- his joy was overwhelming.

As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard.....

"Ed, wake up! You crapped in the bed!"

Getting OLD just ain't what they said it would be!

Lie detector

John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual
gimmicks. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to
change.

One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It
was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector. It was
about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son, returned
home from school. Tommy was over 2 hours late.

"Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?"
asked John.

"Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project,"
said Tommy.

The robot walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him
completely out of his chair.

"Son," said John, "this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you
really were after school."

"We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie." said Tommy.

"What did you watch?" asked Marsha.

"The Ten Commandments." answered Tommy.

The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him
off his chair.

With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, "I am sorry I
lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen."

"I am ashamed of you son," said John. "When I was your age, I never
lied to my parents."

The robot walked around to John and delivered a whack that nearly
knocked him out of his chair..

Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears and said, "Boy, did
you ever ask for that one! You can't be too mad with Tommy. After all,
he is your son!"

The robot walked around to Marsha and knocked her out of her chair.

Pants on the ground

Decided to have fun with 'General' Larry Platt's song 'Pants on the Ground'.
Enjoy and crack yourself up, lol.




For those who didn't watch the 'Pants on the ground' performance on American Idol, this is General Larry Platt, the 'Pants on the ground' crooner.



This is the current most popular song in the US. General Platt's song now has several types of remix on youtube,it is played on the radio and everywhere else. People are making money off this 62 year old man, putting pictures of his face on mugs, Tshirts etc but he isn't getting a dime out of it.

He needs a copyrighter ASAP, that's what he needs, lol.

Meet me at the coffee shop

I couldn't stop watching this video, I laughed so hard each time I shed tears, lol.
Enjoy!

Choosing a wife

A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

The first does a total make over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.

The man was impressed.


The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.

Again, the man is impressed.


The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.

Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.



Then, he married the one with the biggest boobs!


Men are like that, you know, lol.

Tiger Wood's new movie