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Saturday, June 26, 2010

Laugh out loud

Nude Runner

A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work. One rainy day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway.

'Oh my God - Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband's home early!'

'I cannot jump out the window. It is raining out there!'

'If my husband catches us in here, he will kill us both!' she replied.

'He has got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your
problems!'

So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window! As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon, so he started running along beside the others, about 300 of them..

Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in as best he could. After a little while a small group of runners who had been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer.

Do you always run in the nude?' one asked.

'Oh yes!' he replied, gasping in air. 'It feels so wonderfully free!'

Another runner moved a long side. 'Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm?'

'Oh, yes' our friend answered breathlessly. 'That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!'

Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and asked, 'Do you always wear a condom when you run?'

'Nope...just when it is raining.'




The Blonde and the Ventriloquist

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show
in a small town in Oklahoma. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes.

Suddenly, a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting, 'I've heard enough of your stupid ass blonde jokes! What makes you think you can stereotype women that way?

What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being?

It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general and all in the name of humor!

The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells, 'You stay out of this, mister!

I'm talking to that miserable idiot on your knee!"

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Do you do stand-up?

Vera Ikeji said...

Nope, I just like to share funny stories with others because laughter aids longevity.

Vera Ikeji said...

Hey last Anon! Thanks for the joke, that was funny, lol. Is it okay if I used it on my blog?

Anonymous said...

I would be honored. And you're goofy...that's why I like your jokes.