Church Analytics

Monday, September 28, 2009

Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom are married

6ft 10inches tall Lamar Odom of L.A. Lakers just got married to Khloe Kardashian. I was surprised to hear it on E! News that, the couple who had been dating for only one month tied the knots during the weekend.

The 29-year-old basketball star and the 25-year-old reality TV starlet were married on Sunday at a private residence in Beverly Hills.

The bride was walked down the aisle by her stepfather, Bruce Jenner.
The wedding was attended by numerous stars, including older sisters Kourtney and Kim Kardashian.

Kim as one of the bride-maids.

Kim with on and off bf, Reggie Bush

Kim and Kourtney Kardashian as some of the bride maids.
Some of the invited guests were Kobe Bryant and Wife, Vanessa.

At the beginning, it was Khloe, Kim and Kourtney and the rest of the family on the TV reality show 'Keeping up with the Kardashians', then the sisters got pissed cos Kim was getting all the attention and she(Kim) always said her sisters were jealous of her. The two sisters, Kourtney and Khloe moved to Miami and started their own reality show, Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami.
Kourtney got pregnant by her on and off man whom she almost married in Las Vegas, Scott,Kourtney and Scott

now she hangs out with her BFF, Kendra Wilkinson-Baskett and now Khloe is married, lol. I am not gonna say what I think these sisters are trying to do, lol. Maybe they are trying to get more attention to themselves than their baby sister is by pulling these publicity stunts,lol, anyways, I wish the newly-weds a long and happy marriage.
Lamar Odom is a man on the rise. He continues to shine on the basketball court, as an entrepreneur, and as a father to his children, Destiny and Lamar Jr.


U can check Lamar out on his website: www.lamarodom.com Oh, just wondering, does anyone know if his father is/was Nigerian?

Thursday, September 24, 2009

2 old geezers

TWO OLD MEN DECIDE THEY ARE CLOSE TO THEIR LAST DAYS AND DECIDE TO HAVE A LAST NIGHT ON THE TOWN.

AFTER A FEW DRINKS, THEY END UP AT THE LOCAL BROTHEL.

THE MADAM TAKES ONE LOOK AT THE TWO OLD GEEZERS AND WHISPERS TO HER MANAGER, 'GO UP TO THE FIRST TWO BEDROOMS AND PUT AN INFLATED DOLL IN EACH BED.

THESE TWO ARE SO OLD AND DRUNK, I'M NOT WASTING TWO OF MY GIRLS ON THEM. THEY WON'T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.

THE MANAGER DOES AS HE IS TOLD AND THE TWO OLD MEN GO UPSTAIRS AND TAKE CARE OF THEIR BUSINESS. AS THEY ARE WALKING HOME THE FIRST MAN SAYS,

'YOU KNOW, I THINK MY GIRL WAS DEAD!'

'DEAD?' SAYS HIS FRIEND, 'WHY DO YOU SAY THAT?'

'WELL, SHE NEVER MOVED OR MADE A SOUND ALL THE TIME I WAS LOVING HER.' HIS FRIEND SAYS, 'COULD BE WORSE I THINK MINE WAS A WITCH.'

'A WITCH ??. . WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT?'

'WELL, I WAS MAKING LOVE TO HER, KISSING HER ON THE NECK, AND I GAVE HER A LITTLE BITE, THEN SHE FARTED AND FLEW OUT THE WINDOW..... TOOK MY TEETH WITH HER!'

Monday, September 21, 2009

Uwem Akpan picked by Oprah Winfrey

Nigerian author Uwem Akpan, who is a Jesuit priest, is a prolific story writer. He was ordained a priest in 2003 and received his MFA (Masters) in creative writing from the University of Michigan in 2006. Uwem studied philosophy and English at Creighton and Gonzaga universities then studied theology for three years at the Catholic University of Eastern Africa.
He was ordained as a Jesuit priest in 2003 and received his master's degree in creative writing from the University of Michigan in 2006.

Uwem's collection of short stories was chosen by influential US talk show host Oprah Winfrey for her book club.

Oprah picked “Say You’re One Of Them” as her 63rd book club selection, the first time she has chosen a book of short stories, saying these stories “left me stunned and profoundly moved.”

His story collection was first published last year by Little Brown. The five stories are each set in a different African country -- Benin, Ethiopia, Kenya, Nigeria and Rwanda -- and are told through the eyes of children aged 6 to 16. The book was published this month by Little Brown.

"Children are living through these conflicts. Some of them have seen horrible things." Akpan, 37, said in an interview.

He said he began the book by brainstorming the problems in Africa that worried him most, and decided that telling them from the point of view of children would increase their power.

"I listed the issues about Africa. And these issues are not all in one country, thank God," he said.

One story, "My Parents' Bedroom," is set during the Rwandan genocide of 1994 and narrated by a 9-year-old girl who watches her Hutu father kill her Tutsi mother with a machete.

Akpan has never been to Rwanda but he said he followed reports of the genocide in the Nigerian press.

The collection, published in 2008, includes five separate stories from the perspective of an African child that were described as capturing the resilience of children growing up in the face of unimaginable devastation.

This is a Nigerian one should be very proud of. Keep up the good work!

Check his book out at Amazon.com
http://www.amazon.com/Say-Youre-Them-Uwem-Akpan/dp/0316113956/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1253548677&sr=8-1

Weldone Uwem!!!!

I already ordered the book via amazon.com for $8.99, shipping & Handling:$3.99, total for this Order was $12.98. It will arrive in my home within 3-5days. Yaaay!!!


Update:
Sept 24th, 2009.
Yaaaaaaaay, my copy of 'Say You're One of Them' arrived today thru UPS! I made the purchase via amazon.com
Gonna start reading it 2nite! Yippee!!!

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Some old jokes

WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.


Keep reading - they get better!!!

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WOMEN'S REVENGE
'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished
to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a
television set in her purse.
'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.
'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'

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UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.

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CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball
of string on the counter.
She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons
for your wife?
He answers, 'You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the
store
to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of
tobacco
and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she...
(I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)

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WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.

An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'
'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'

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WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a
day.
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat
everything to men....
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'

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CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
'The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!

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WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, 'You should do it because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.
The husband said, 'You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my
coffee.'
Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible
that the man should do the coffee.'
Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.'
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at
the top of several pages, that it indeed says . 'HEBREWS'

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The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home
and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to
wake him
at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on
a piece of paper,
'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.' He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and
he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his
wife hadn't wakened him,
when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.'
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

What is wrong with Kanye West?

What's up with this attention seeking dude??????????? He likes so much attention that he'd step on other people's emotion just to get noticed regardless of the fact that it makes him look like a complete assole( Pardon my vocabulary).

Who asked for his opinion? I hear Taylor Swift's song every day at work to the point that it drives me crazy, but it isn't the girl's fault that her song is among the top ten songs and is played EVERYDAY on radio. He should have allowed her enjoy her moment when she won The Best Female Video for "You Belong With Me". I have never watched the Video but like I said earlier, I hear that song E-V-E-R-Y-D-A-Y at work!!! To the extent that I even know more than half of the words in the song, lol.

The 19 year old country singer was in the middle of her acceptance speech at the VMA awards, she was so excited while making her speech when all of a sudden, Kanye materialised from nowhere, took the Mic from her, told her he'd let her finish her speech, then went ahead to say "I'm sorry, but Beyoncé had one of the best videos of all time," then handed the Mic back to Taylor...everyone was shocked including Beyonce herself. The poor girl was stunned and speechless for more than a minute or two. Why does Kanye like being a d''k?

The good thing however is that, Beyonce came on stage wearing a very nice red dress, called Taylor from back stage, gave her a hug and asked her to give another shot at her acceptance speech, this time the now recovered girl made a very nice speech.
Beyonce and Taylor both wore nice red dresses.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Gani Fawenhimi is gone

What?????????????????????? Noooooooooooooooo!!!!

That was my reaction when I read about Chief Gani Fawenhinmi's passing. WTF??? How can someone so good and who fought so much for some semblance of sanity to prevail in our 'beloved' country leave??? This is so so sad. I pray that God gives his family the fortitude to bear this GREAT LOSS to humanity!!! Nigeria will miss you. This is a GREAT LOSS to the Nation.

When I read about his passing? I said What??? This was one of the ONLY THREE worthy people in Nigeria who had the country's best interest at heart and now he is gone???
Again, this is a HUGE loss to the country.

May his soul rest in peace.


This was an excerpt from someone on face book:
Yepppppaaaaaa!!!!That was my reaction when i heard the death of Chief Gani Fawehinmi early this morning,i see him as one of the only three trustworthy Nigerian left and one of the people who served humanity till they left this world.

Even during his battle with cancer Chief Gani Fawehinmi was still fighting while he was in hospital right here in London,i know most of the people who he fought will now be happy he is gone but i know his spirit his right here with us and help us carry through.

No Nigerian person, either living or dead, has sacrificed his personal freedom more frequently, and under more perilous circumstances, than Barrister Gani Fawehinmi has done during his exemplary lifetime of epic struggle for justice and against the twin tyrannies of military rule and state oppression in Nigeria.

Simultaneously, and with no fanfare, Barrister Gani Fawehinmi SAN parlayed the bulk of his personal wealth into sponsoring the education of scores of promising Nigerians from poor backgrounds, selected for that upliftment by virtue of their intellectual and academic prowess, but never on the basis of tribal lineage or religious persuasion.

The passing of Gani Fawehinmi fills my heart with profound sorrow, and my eyes with unashamed tears, as I realize that the free, just and progressive nation of Nigeria, for which Gani struggled to attain with every waking moment of his heroic life, never came to be during the lifetime of the man who gave so much, and who ultimately gave his all, for his fatherland.


Rest in Peace, Gani.

We will love you and all you represent for ever, and we will tell our grandchildren your great achievement.