A guy walks into the bedroom with a sheep on a leash and says,
"Honey, this is the cow I make love to when you have a headache."
The wife, lying in the bed reading a book, looks up and says,
"If you weren't such an idiot, you'd know that's a sheep, not a cow."
The guy replies,
"If you weren't such a presumptuous bitch,
you'd realize I was talking to the sheep."
A boy about 13 years old walked down the street dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him.
He came up to the doorstep of a brothel and knocked on the door.
When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted.
He said, "I want to have sex with one of the women inside.
I have the money to buy it, and I'm not leaving until I get it."
The Madam figured why not, so she told him to come in.
Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls.
He asked, "Do any of the girls have any venereal diseases?"
Of course, the Madam said no.
He said, "I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making love with Amber. THAT'S the girl I want."
Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the cynical Madam told him to go to the first room on the right.
He headed down the hall dragging the squashed amphibian behind him.
Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door.
The Madam stopped him and asked, "Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?"
He said, "Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home with a baby-sitter.
After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she just
happens to be very fond of cute little boys.
She will then get the Dose that I just caught."
"When Mum and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home.
On the way, he'll give her one in the car and he'll catch the dose.
Then when Dad gets home from the baby-sitter's, he and Mum will go to bed and have sex, and Mum will catch it."
"In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mum and catch the clap, and......
HE'S the bastard who ran over my frog!"
I couldnt resist to upload this picture when I saw it! Hahahaha. Enjoy!
Tiger Woods jokes started shortly after he had the 2:05am accident last week and rumors of a relationship with a cocktail waitress, Jaimee Grubbs started. Enjoy,lol.
What does Tiger Woods have in common with a baby seals?
They both get clubbed by Norwegians.
That accident was the first time Tiger Woods failed to drive 300 yards
Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree ... he couldn't decide between a wood and an iron. Perhaps Tiger should have used a driver.
"Crouching Tiger, hidden hydrant".
I find it's a nightmare driving at 2.05am: sometimes you can't see the Woods for the trees.
Tiger's wife went for him after he scored a birdie.
What was the second worst part of Tiger's car accident? The police found the driver in the trunk.
What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2.30 in the morning? They went clubbing.
What’s the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards.
Remember beautiful 5 year old Shaniya Davis whose Mom sold her into child prostitution in order to pay off money she owed her assole drug partner? Remember also, that her body was found some days later, raped and strangled? Shaniya went missing on November 10th, her body was found on 16th November, 2009.
Remember her Mom, Antionette Davis, who had reported the child missing six days earlier, is charged with human trafficking and child abuse involving prostitution.
Photos taken from surveillance cameras showed Mario McNeill carrying Shaniya through a hotel nearly 30 miles from where she disappeared. Police were alerted to Shaniya's presence after she was recognized by a hotel clerk, but she and McNeill had both left by the time police arrivedthe guy she owed drug money has been charged with murder, rape and kidnapping in the case.
(For those who dont know the full story: Antionette who had a one night thing with Bradley got pregnant, but wasnt financially able to take care of her baby, so as soon as she had her daughter,she gave her to Bradley. Shaniya Davis had lived with her father, Bradley Lockhart,for the past 5 years but oly went to visit her Mom for one month when this tragedy befell her. Bradley Lockhart has blamed himself for letting his daughter visit her biological mother for a month).
After Shaniya's death, Bradley and his family set up a trust fund in memory of Shaniya to help raise money to pay for the funeral.
Well, basketball star Shaquille O'Neal saw the story on the news and decided to help pay for the funeral after being moved by national news coverage of the case of Shaniya Davis, who police say was kidnapped and killed. The Cleveland Cavaliers player was touched by the stories he saw and got in touch with the family to see what he could do to help, a spokeswoman for O'Neal said Thursday.
More than 2,000 people attended the girl's funeral on Sunday.
"I was sitting at home watching it on the news and the story brought a tear to my eye," O'Neal told The Cleveland Plain Dealer newspaper.
Corey Breece, of Rogers and Breece Funeral Home, which handled the service, declined to tell the Fayetteville Observer newspaper how much it cost but added that a child's funeral "averages around $4,500."
Her beautiful life was cut short by a Mother who had no clue to life.
May her soul rest in Peace, Amen.
After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the young blonde declared, 'Well, then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator and get a pair of alligator shoes for free!'
The shopkeeper replied with a sly smile, 'Well, little lady, why don't you go on and give it a try?'
The blonde headed off to the swamp, determined to catch an alligator.
Later in the day, as the shopkeeper was driving home, he spotted the same young woman standing waist deep in the murky water, shotgun in hand.
As he brought his car to a stop, he saw a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her. With lightning reflexes, the blonde took aim, shot the creature and
hauled it up onto the slippery bank. Nearby were 7 more dead gators all lying belly up. The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement as the blonde struggled mightily and barely managed to flip the gator onto its back.
Then, rolling her eyes heavenward, she screamed in frustration.....
‘CRAP! THIS ONE'S BAREFOOT, TOO!
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started....
******************************************
My wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes.."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And then the fight started....
******************************************
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
My loving wife of 10 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"
And that's how the fight started...
******************************************
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"
So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"
And then the fight started.....
*****************************************
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3
seconds.'
I bought her a scale.
And then the fight started...
******************************************
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace
expensive...
so, I took her to a gas station.
And then the fight started...
******************************************
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'
And then the fight started....
******************************************
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend.. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started...
A woman stopped by, unannounced, at her son's house. She knocked on the door then immediately walked in.. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked.
Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room.
'What are you doing?' she asked.
'I'm waiting for Justin to come home from work.' The daughter-in-law answered.
'But you're naked!' the mother-in-law exclaimed.
'This is my love dress,' the daughter-in-law explained.
'Love dress? But you're naked!'
'Justin loves me to wear this dress,' she explained. 'Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours.'
The mother-in-law left. When she got home she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and lay on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive.
Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her lying there so provocatively.
' What are you doing?' he asked.
'This is my love dress,' she whispered, sensually.
'Needs ironing,' he said, 'What's for dinner?'
Always Remember This:
You don't stop laughing because you grow old,
You grow old because you stop laughing!!!
A Redneck from Sweetwater , Texas walked into a bank in New York City and asked for the loan officer.
He told the loan officer that he was going to Paris for an international redneck festival for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000 and that he was not a depositor of the bank.
The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of security for the loan, so the Redneck handed over the keys to a new Ferrari. The car was parked on the street in front of the bank.
The Redneck produced the title and everything checked out. The loan officer agreed to hold the car as collateral for the loan and apologized for having to charge 12% interest.
Later, the bank's president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh at the Redneck from the south for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral for a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the bank's private underground garage and parked it.
Two weeks later, the Redneck returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest of $23.07. The loan officer said, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out on Dunn & Bradstreet and found that you are a highly sophisticated investor and multimillionaire with real estate and financial interests all over the world.
Your investments include a large number of wind turbines around Sweetwater , Texas . What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?
The good 'ole Texas boy replied, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $23.07 and expect it to be there when I return?
His name was BUBBA...
A Holy man was having a conversation with the Lord one day and said, 'Lord, I would like to know what Heaven and Hell are like.'
The Lord led the holy man to two doors.
He opened one of the doors and the holy man looked in.
In the middle of the room was a large round table..
In the middle of the table was a large pot of stew which smelled delicious and made the holy man's mouth water.
The people sitting around the table were thin and sickly..
They appeared to be famished. They were holding spoons with very long handles that were strapped to their arms and each found it possible to reach into the pot of stew and take a spoonful.
But because the handle was longer than their arms, they could not get the spoons back into their mouths...
The holy man shuddered at the sight of their misery and suffering.
The Lord said, 'You have seen Hell'.
They went to the next room and opened the door. It was exactly the same as the first one.
There was the large round table with the large pot of stew which made the holy man's mouth water.
The people were equipped with the same long-handled spoons, but here the people were well nourished and plump,laughing and talking.
The holy man said, 'I don't understand.
'It is simple,' said the Lord. 'It requires but one skill.
You see, they have learned to feed each other. The greedy think only of themselves.'
6ft 10inches tall Lamar Odom of L.A. Lakers just got married to Khloe Kardashian. I was surprised to hear it on E! News that, the couple who had been dating for only one month tied the knots during the weekend.
The 29-year-old basketball star and the 25-year-old reality TV starlet were married on Sunday at a private residence in Beverly Hills.
The bride was walked down the aisle by her stepfather, Bruce Jenner.
The wedding was attended by numerous stars, including older sisters Kourtney and Kim Kardashian.
Kim as one of the bride-maids.
Kim with on and off bf, Reggie Bush
Kim and Kourtney Kardashian as some of the bride maids.
Some of the invited guests were Kobe Bryant and Wife, Vanessa.
At the beginning, it was Khloe, Kim and Kourtney and the rest of the family on the TV reality show 'Keeping up with the Kardashians',
then the sisters got pissed cos Kim was getting all the attention and she(Kim) always said her sisters were jealous of her. The two sisters, Kourtney and Khloe moved to Miami and started their own reality show, Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami.
Kourtney got pregnant by her on and off man whom she almost married in Las Vegas, Scott,
Kourtney and Scott
now she hangs out with her BFF, Kendra Wilkinson-Baskett and now Khloe is married, lol. I am not gonna say what I think these sisters are trying to do, lol. Maybe they are trying to get more attention to themselves than their baby sister is by pulling these publicity stunts,lol, anyways, I wish the newly-weds a long and happy marriage.
Lamar Odom is a man on the rise. He continues to shine on the basketball court, as an entrepreneur, and as a father to his children, Destiny and Lamar Jr.
U can check Lamar out on his website: www.lamarodom.com Oh, just wondering, does anyone know if his father is/was Nigerian?
TWO OLD MEN DECIDE THEY ARE CLOSE TO THEIR LAST DAYS AND DECIDE TO HAVE A LAST NIGHT ON THE TOWN.
AFTER A FEW DRINKS, THEY END UP AT THE LOCAL BROTHEL.
THE MADAM TAKES ONE LOOK AT THE TWO OLD GEEZERS AND WHISPERS TO HER MANAGER, 'GO UP TO THE FIRST TWO BEDROOMS AND PUT AN INFLATED DOLL IN EACH BED.
THESE TWO ARE SO OLD AND DRUNK, I'M NOT WASTING TWO OF MY GIRLS ON THEM. THEY WON'T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.
THE MANAGER DOES AS HE IS TOLD AND THE TWO OLD MEN GO UPSTAIRS AND TAKE CARE OF THEIR BUSINESS. AS THEY ARE WALKING HOME THE FIRST MAN SAYS,
'YOU KNOW, I THINK MY GIRL WAS DEAD!'
'DEAD?' SAYS HIS FRIEND, 'WHY DO YOU SAY THAT?'
'WELL, SHE NEVER MOVED OR MADE A SOUND ALL THE TIME I WAS LOVING HER.' HIS FRIEND SAYS, 'COULD BE WORSE I THINK MINE WAS A WITCH.'
'A WITCH ??. . WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT?'
'WELL, I WAS MAKING LOVE TO HER, KISSING HER ON THE NECK, AND I GAVE HER A LITTLE BITE, THEN SHE FARTED AND FLEW OUT THE WINDOW..... TOOK MY TEETH WITH HER!'
Nigerian author Uwem Akpan, who is a Jesuit priest, is a prolific story writer. He was ordained a priest in 2003 and received his MFA (Masters) in creative writing from the University of Michigan in 2006. Uwem studied philosophy and English at Creighton and Gonzaga universities then studied theology for three years at the Catholic University of Eastern Africa.
He was ordained as a Jesuit priest in 2003 and received his master's degree in creative writing from the University of Michigan in 2006.
Uwem's collection of short stories was chosen by influential US talk show host Oprah Winfrey for her book club.
Oprah picked “Say You’re One Of Them” as her 63rd book club selection, the first time she has chosen a book of short stories, saying these stories “left me stunned and profoundly moved.”
His story collection was first published last year by Little Brown. The five stories are each set in a different African country -- Benin, Ethiopia, Kenya, Nigeria and Rwanda -- and are told through the eyes of children aged 6 to 16. The book was published this month by Little Brown.
"Children are living through these conflicts. Some of them have seen horrible things." Akpan, 37, said in an interview.
He said he began the book by brainstorming the problems in Africa that worried him most, and decided that telling them from the point of view of children would increase their power.
"I listed the issues about Africa. And these issues are not all in one country, thank God," he said.
One story, "My Parents' Bedroom," is set during the Rwandan genocide of 1994 and narrated by a 9-year-old girl who watches her Hutu father kill her Tutsi mother with a machete.
Akpan has never been to Rwanda but he said he followed reports of the genocide in the Nigerian press.
The collection, published in 2008, includes five separate stories from the perspective of an African child that were described as capturing the resilience of children growing up in the face of unimaginable devastation.
This is a Nigerian one should be very proud of. Keep up the good work!
Check his book out at Amazon.com
http://www.amazon.com/Say-Youre-Them-Uwem-Akpan/dp/0316113956/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1253548677&sr=8-1
Weldone Uwem!!!!
I already ordered the book via amazon.com for $8.99, shipping & Handling:$3.99, total for this Order was $12.98. It will arrive in my home within 3-5days. Yaaay!!!
Update:
Sept 24th, 2009.
Yaaaaaaaay, my copy of 'Say You're One of Them' arrived today thru UPS! I made the purchase via amazon.com
Gonna start reading it 2nite! Yippee!!!
WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
Keep reading - they get better!!!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
--------
WOMEN'S REVENGE
'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished
to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a
television set in her purse.
'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.
'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'
------------------------------------------------------------------------
--------
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
--------
CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball
of string on the counter.
She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons
for your wife?
He answers, 'You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the
store
to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of
tobacco
and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she...
(I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
--------
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'
'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'
------------------------------------------------------------------------
--------
WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a
day.
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat
everything to men....
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'
------------------------------------------------------------------------
--------
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
'The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
--------
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, 'You should do it because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.
The husband said, 'You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my
coffee.'
Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible
that the man should do the coffee.'
Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.'
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at
the top of several pages, that it indeed says . 'HEBREWS'
------------------------------------------------------------------------
--------
The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home
and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to
wake him
at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on
a piece of paper,
'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.' He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and
he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his
wife hadn't wakened him,
when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.'
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
What's up with this attention seeking dude??????????? He likes so much attention that he'd step on other people's emotion just to get noticed regardless of the fact that it makes him look like a complete assole( Pardon my vocabulary).
Who asked for his opinion? I hear Taylor Swift's song every day at work to the point that it drives me crazy, but it isn't the girl's fault that her song is among the top ten songs and is played EVERYDAY on radio. He should have allowed her enjoy her moment when she won The Best Female Video for "You Belong With Me". I have never watched the Video but like I said earlier, I hear that song E-V-E-R-Y-D-A-Y at work!!! To the extent that I even know more than half of the words in the song, lol.
The 19 year old country singer was in the middle of her acceptance speech at the VMA awards, she was so excited while making her speech when all of a sudden, Kanye materialised from nowhere, took the Mic from her, told her he'd let her finish her speech, then went ahead to say "I'm sorry, but Beyoncé had one of the best videos of all time," then handed the Mic back to Taylor...everyone was shocked including Beyonce herself. The poor girl was stunned and speechless for more than a minute or two. Why does Kanye like being a d''k?
The good thing however is that, Beyonce came on stage wearing a very nice red dress, called Taylor from back stage, gave her a hug and asked her to give another shot at her acceptance speech, this time the now recovered girl made a very nice speech. 
Beyonce and Taylor both wore nice red dresses.
What?????????????????????? Noooooooooooooooo!!!!
That was my reaction when I read about Chief Gani Fawenhinmi's passing. WTF??? How can someone so good and who fought so much for some semblance of sanity to prevail in our 'beloved' country leave??? This is so so sad. I pray that God gives his family the fortitude to bear this GREAT LOSS to humanity!!! Nigeria will miss you. This is a GREAT LOSS to the Nation.
When I read about his passing? I said What??? This was one of the ONLY THREE worthy people in Nigeria who had the country's best interest at heart and now he is gone??? 
Again, this is a HUGE loss to the country.
May his soul rest in peace.
This was an excerpt from someone on face book:
Yepppppaaaaaa!!!!That was my reaction when i heard the death of Chief Gani Fawehinmi early this morning,i see him as one of the only three trustworthy Nigerian left and one of the people who served humanity till they left this world.
Even during his battle with cancer Chief Gani Fawehinmi was still fighting while he was in hospital right here in London,i know most of the people who he fought will now be happy he is gone but i know his spirit his right here with us and help us carry through.
No Nigerian person, either living or dead, has sacrificed his personal freedom more frequently, and under more perilous circumstances, than Barrister Gani Fawehinmi has done during his exemplary lifetime of epic struggle for justice and against the twin tyrannies of military rule and state oppression in Nigeria.
Simultaneously, and with no fanfare, Barrister Gani Fawehinmi SAN parlayed the bulk of his personal wealth into sponsoring the education of scores of promising Nigerians from poor backgrounds, selected for that upliftment by virtue of their intellectual and academic prowess, but never on the basis of tribal lineage or religious persuasion.
The passing of Gani Fawehinmi fills my heart with profound sorrow, and my eyes with unashamed tears, as I realize that the free, just and progressive nation of Nigeria, for which Gani struggled to attain with every waking moment of his heroic life, never came to be during the lifetime of the man who gave so much, and who ultimately gave his all, for his fatherland.
Rest in Peace, Gani.
We will love you and all you represent for ever, and we will tell our grandchildren your great achievement.
Amazng Usain Bolt smashed the 100 meters world record on Sunday 15th August 2009, in Berlin.
Bolt improved the 100m world record to 9.58 seconds to win his first World Championship gold medal in what was the largest ever margin of improvement in the 100m world record since the beginning of electronic timing. Is he human? Wow the guy is soooo....Cant find the proper word to decribe him with.
I was shocked when I heard Pete Edochie, 'Ebube-Dike', 'Okonkwo' (Things Fall apart) had been kidnapped. I quickly went online to confirm the story and alas, Vanguard newspaper confirmed it.
Our own veteran. Na wa o! What is going on in our own beloved country?
I undertsnad his son, Uche Edochie confirmed that his father was being driven from his country home in Enugu in the company of his family members when armed men stopped the car he was travelling in.
For more info, please read: www.vanguardngr.com/2009/08/16/pete-edochie-kidnapped/comment-page-5/
I love this tale!!! It's a clear case of 'Be careful what you wish for', lol.
A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home.
He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:
'Dear Lord:
I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home.
I want her to know what I go through.
So, please allow her body to switch with mine for a day.
Amen!' !
God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish.
The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman.
He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate,
Awakened the kids,
Set out their school clothes,
Fed them breakfast,
Packed their lunches,
Drove them to school,
Came home and picked up the dry cleaning,
Took it to the cleaners
And stopped at the bank to make a deposit,
Went grocery shopping,
Then drove home to put away the groceries,
Paid the bills and balanced the check book.
He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog.
Then, it was already 1P.M.
And he hurried to make the beds,
Do the laundry, vacuum ,
Dust,
And sweep and mop the kitchen floor.!
Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home.
Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework.
Then, set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.
At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.
After supper,
He cleaned the kitchen,
Ran the dishwasher,
Folded laundry,
Bathed the kids,
And put them to bed.
At 9 P..M .
He was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.
The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said: -
'Lord, I don't know what I was thinking.
I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day.
Please, oh! Oh! Please, let us trade back.
Amen!'
The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied:
'My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were.
You'll just have to wait nine months, though.
You got pregnant last night.'
This is the best wedding entrance I ever saw! I hope they have as much fun in their married lives as they had on their wedding day! Awesome!
Ladies and Gentlemen, I present Jill Peterson and Kevin Heinz...
The world best Tennis player, King Roger Federer, announced to us, his fans on his facebook page, that his wife Mirka gave birth to two beautiful, healthy kids two nights ago in Switzerland. He said Mother and daughters are all doing great!
This were his exact words on Facebook,yesterday, : I have some exciting news to share with you: Late last night, in Switzerland, Mirka and I became proud parents of twin girls! We named them Myla Rose and Charlene Riva and they are both healthy and along with their mother, they are doing great. This is the best day of our lives!
Congratulations King, u now have two adorbale princesses to pamper and smother with Love.
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