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Monday, August 18, 2008

The Lion King and other stuff

A lion woke up one morning feeling rowdy. He went out and cornered a small monkey and roared, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?"
The trembling monkey says, "You are, mighty lion!
Later, the lion confronts a deer and bellows, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?"
The terrified deer stammers, "Oh great lion, you are by far the mightiest animal in the jungle!"
On a roll now, the lion swaggers up to an elephant and roars, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?"
Fast as lightning, the elephant snatches up the lion with his trunk, slams him against a tree half a dozen times, the lion feeling like it'd been run over by a safari wagon. The elephant then stomped on the lion till it looked like a corn tortilla, crapped on it, and ambled away.
The lion hollered after the elephant, "Damn, just because you don't know the answer, you don't have to get so pissed off."

A golden oldie Little Jonny.
The nun teaching Sunday School was speaking to her class one morningand she asked the question, 'When you die and go to Heaven...which part of your body goes first?'
Suzy raised her hand and said, 'I think it's your hands.'
'Why do you think it's your hands, Suzy?'
Suzy replied, 'Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your hands first'
'What a wonderful answer!' the nun said.
Little Johnny raised his hand and said, 'Sister, I think it's your feet.'
The nun looked at him with the strangest look on her face.
'Now, Little Johnny, why do you think it would be your feet?
'Little Johnny said, 'Well, I walked into Mommy and Daddy's bedroom the other night and Mommy had her legs straight up in the air and she was saying, 'Oh ! God, I'm coming!'
'If Dad hadn't pinned her down, we'd have lost her.'
The Nun fainted.

U need to enlarge the above picture to be able to read it. It's really funny.


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