Church Analytics

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Some Mistakes Women Make With Men.

Tons of women do this one thing. And it must leave them feeling awful... I wonder if you do it too? I'm talking about women who hide their true feelings from a man and fear sharing their desire for a closer relationship and for love. Ever felt this way? I have. I don't tell a guy how i feel about him until he tells me how he feels about me.

It happens when you won't communicate directly with Ur man about your feelings because you think you'll "scare him away". Unfortunately, you're right... it could scare him away.

Women communicate their feelings with Men in all sorts of different ways; from Joy to Anger to Frustration and the way these feelings are communicated affect the relationship. I can attest to that.

There's a pattern to dating experiences that I'd like to share, I'm not saying I'm an expert. Lol.
Sometimes when a man and a woman meet and develop feelings for each other, the woman tends to hide her feelings and want to play it cool, then it gets worse when they have bn together for a long time and he's never talked about 'the future' or Marriage.

In some cases,the woman is patient and remains silent, but as time goes on and years pass them by.She realises she isn't getting younger and the relationship isn't going anywhere.
At first,if she loves the guy,she keeps quiet cos she doesn't want to ruin the relationship, especially if the guy has talked to her about all the bad experiences he's had wt women in the past. And perhaps sometimes has even made negative remarks about women and their emotions.
She keeps quiet cos doesn't want to ruin the good thing they have but she wants to deal with the negative emotions that are slowly but surely building in her mind.
If he's a guy who doesn't want anything permanent, he begins to use his past issues to tell her that he's not looking for much more than they have at the moment.
So she doesn't say anything to her Man directly to communicate what's going on wt her feelings.And of course, being an average guy, he wont say anything either.
She becomes frustrated and confused that her man isn't acting the way he used to act....
Things begin to change with the way he treats her. He doesn't pay as much attention to her anymore.
..No more surprises or gifts or flowers (like they do abroad),give an average Nigerian girl a bunch of flowers and she will throw them at Ur face! Lol. ..He's tired everyday after work and just wants to watch TV when he gets home.
..He calls less frequently,doesn't initiate sex as much anymore,etc.
This sometimes makes a woman even think that her man could be seeing someone else. And then to cap it all he becomes more distant.
What happens next?.. She decides she ain't happy with the situation of things and it's time to have a 'talk'.
BIGGEST MISTAKE YOU CAN MAKE WITH A MAN... You start a conversation about the relationship and then you "let him have it"!(you get upset and lose your cool with him ) All your desires, fears, frustrations and dreams that you've been holding inside and keeping away,all pour out in one big emotional explosion...
This "Big Mistake" can take the form of arguing and yelling/shouting, but not exclusively. Sometimes it's just extreme intensity, perhaps tears. It might include you(as a woman),
-Complaining about the current state of the relationship...
-Talking about the things he does wrong with you....
-Showing your frustrations about what you feel is missing...
-Bringing up past issues, arguments or disappointments.
But it always creates a lot of emotional tension and unnecessary "drama",especially in the guys mind.
This is THE LAST THING you want to do with a man if you want to get some POSITIVE results
That tension that's created stays with him. Sometimes, Men don't forget it.
In his mind, he now thinks of you as "hysterical" and full of issues.
His mind defines you by what he saw in your behavior, and it scares him.(Not in all cases though).
Sometimes this kind of behavior makes a man feel stressed,then he ends the relationship.
I've heard some of my male friends(married and single) talk about this exact perception of women, how they fear being with a woman who they think will act this way with them on a regular basis.
In fact, this fear is so great in most men,and they want to avoid being around this kind of thing with a woman, that when they see it even once... that's it. It's very immature,selfish and not fair on one level, but it's the reality of the situation that lots of women end up in with men.

So how do women avoid this if we still want to express our FEELINGS to Men?

Women need to understand Men Just Like Men Need To Understand Women...

Any suggestions guys?


Anonymous said...

Good subject and darn good question Vera. There are a couple of key words that I'd like to share with you and hopefully you'll share them with the rest of the members of your 'sisterhood". The first one is "COMMUNICATION". It's one of the basic cornerstones of any good relationship. Ladies, contrary to popular belief, all men are not the insensitive jerks that you think we are. Most of us are quite caring and sensitive. What we are not is mind readers. If we don't know what the problem is then we can't fix it. And BTW...if you don't want your problem fixed, then don't bring them to us. Men are programmed, almost from birth, to be problem fixers. If you just want to vent your frustrations about ANYTHING, (including us) go to your girlfriends. that's what they are for. The second word I'd like to share with you is TIMING. Personally, if my girlfriend is angry with me, I want to hear about it NOW. If I ask my beautiful Nigerian girlfriend "what's wrong?" and her response is "nothing" then what am I supposed to think? But then 6 months later when I'm hanging out in the yard with my boys and here she comes with that dreaded line "we need to talk" and she has a list of stuff that I did wrong that she's been saving up for who knows how long, LADIES, LADIES, LADIES, don't do this kind of thing. TIMING. TIMING, TIMING. If you are angry with your man or if you FEEL the that he made a mistake, tell him right away. Don't keep that kind of thing inside building up pressure until "the dreaded explosion" and what ever else you do, DON'T EVER CONFRONT YOUR MAN IN FRONT OF "HIS BOYS". You'll never win. THE PHANTOM

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